All Comments on 'Awakening Michelle Ch. 01: Intro'

Constructive criticism: Your second paragraph is a huge list of weight and height and eye color and hair color and bra size. My eyes glazed. Please, leave out bra cup sizes or dick sizes ( who the hell can tell the difference between an eight inch dick or a nine incher without a measuring tape?) in inches. It's tedious, juvenile and annoying. We not only hear the wife's cup size but the cup sizes of every other woman he sees.) That's some eye the husband has.

"adamantine member." ??

And if my husband suggested I should get painful surgery and fake boobs because mine aren't big enough for him, I'd agree to it when he gets a bigger dick.

Great intro! The flow from paragraph to paragraph was very easy to follow and fall into the scenario. Although the narration begins as Mike, I quicly and easily felt as if I was Alyssa giving the story when it was her turn to share her experience.

Although the scene and sexual play was enticing, i have to agree with the anonymous commment: Although it seems like a good idea to include exact measurements for the readers clear picture of the subject, it almost seems juvenile to include sizes for everybody. Keep exact sizes to a minimal, only to the narrator/main character in first person stories. Everything else just describe as best you can with adjectives and let the reader imagine his/her own idea of the charcter. When i read a story, i like to be left to my own imagination when i think of a "thick, huge cock" or "curvy, heavy breasts".

Great story, cant wait to read more of it.

Thank you both for the comments. I completely understand where you are coming from now. I wish I would have read the howto I read before I submitted the story. "Don't puke facts on the reader". I read a few stories before that stated measurements and thought that would be something most appreciated. I lost the fact that the beauty of stories is leaving some up to the reader.

To the comment about the "Adamantine Member" I was afraid I was getting to cock, cock, cock and wanted to mix it up. The thesaurus can be our friend and our enemy. LOL.

And I apologize if the suggestion of the breast augmentation seemed pushy. The end of the preceding paragraph I had a few sentences about how she was critical of her own breast size, etc. Even mentioned how it was enough for Mike but she was more critical after the weight loss. Just like you ladies to read between the lines! ;)

Pretty good story , but hanging around for the results of the surprise ! Prt 3 pls