Awakenings Ch. 03

"No, of course not. I could never hurt Barb."

"Would you hurt the other man?"

"I'd think about it."

"But you wouldn't do it, would you." Ruth's voice was calm and deliberate.

"I would if I found out that he'd forced Barb or drugged her; but otherwise, no. They're adults, they get to make their own choices."

Ruth said; "That's right, but you'd have choices too, wouldn't you."

Jason shook his head. "Not many."

"But you would have choices."

"Yes."

"What would they be?"

Sighing, Jason said; "Stick around and put up with it or leave." He turned to me. "Okay boss, I understand. What can I do to help?"

I spent the next hour explaining my financial plans for my family and my plans for the business. Ruth and Jason both listened intently.

When I was finished Jason said, "So you want Ruth and I to run the business."

"That's what I'd like. I'll maintain regular email and telephone contact with you and when necessary I can assist you with difficult files. Since you're both taking on more responsibility you can expect a commensurate increase in your salaries."

Ruth said; "That would be nice, but can the firm afford it?"

"I won't be drawing a salary. That will free up money for your salary increases and a salary for another accountant."

"You want us to hire another accountant?" Ruth looked at Jason and then back at me.

"With me in only an advisory role you'll need one."

Jason nodded. "Yes we will."

I said, "Look for someone young, someone just out of college."

Grinning, Jason said; "You hired me right out of college."

"And look at how well that worked out."

Ruth asked, "How soon are you planning to leave?"

"Thursday."

"Is that enough time?"

"I think so and I really do need to get away."

Nodding, Ruth said; "We'll make sure it's enough time."

We heard the door to the outer office open. The three of us looked at each other. The Montgomerys had arrived. We stood up.

Ruth said; "I'll get them seated in the conference room."

As she was leaving, Jason said; "I'll bring the files."

I followed him out of my office.

The meeting with the Montgomerys went well. I would have been shocked if it hadn't. Jason took charge and did an impressive job.

After the meeting I asked Charles if I could have a word with him in private. As we stepped into my office I noticed that Ruth and Edith stayed in the conference room. Ruth would be talking to Edith.

Once we were seated Charles said; "Michael what's on your mind?"

"Charles I'm going to take an extended leave from the firm."

"Are you ill?" The concern in my old friend's voice was evident.

Shaking my head, I said; "No my health is fine."

"Are you and Jeanne having problems?"

I nodded.

"Is she having an affair?"

Surprised by his quick assessment of the situation I asked; "How did you know?"

"How old is Jeanne?"

"Forty-nine."

"And your daughters just finished college."

"Yes."

"It's pretty common. Edith had her first affair when she was forty-eight."

"Her first affair? She's had more than one?"

"She's had five affairs that lasted a month or more and I lost count of the weekend getaways. That's all in the past now. Her last weekend getaway was, let me think." He paused for a moment and then he said; "It's been at least eight years."

"And you were okay with it?"

"Not at first, at first I was devastated. That's why I understand what you're going through right now." He smiled. "I did exactly what you're planning to do. I moved to New York and ran our businesses from there. I had to get away."

"How long did you stay in New York?"

"Fourteen months, it took me that long to come to terms with the situation."

"But you did eventually accept the situation."

"I love Edith. The thought of living the rest of my life without her was unbearable."

"Tell me how you did it. I need to know that there might be hope."

"You're doing the right thing."

"Leaving?"

"Yes, you need some time to heal and Jeanne needs to be confronted with the reality of life without you. Right now your biggest concern is to make sure your hurt and anger don't make you do things that you'll regret later. That's one of the reasons that you have to get away for awhile.

"I'm taking steps to make sure that both Jeanne and the girls are financially secure while I'm gone and I've already decided that I'm not going to file for divorce."

"That's good, that will show Jeanne that you still care about her. I know Jeanne. She's a lot like Edith. I suspect that right now she's terrified that you hate her."

"I could never hate Jeanne."

"I know, I could never hate Edith either."

"How did you cope with the jealousy?"

"When I came back from New York Edith worked hard to make sure I knew that I was loved and I tried to understand. Sometimes it was difficult, but it was better than living with out Edith. Over time it got easier. In fact I actually enjoyed her last two affairs."

"You did?"

"By then I understood. I knew she didn't really love the guys and at the beginning of an affair she was always so happy. A new romance is unbelievably exciting. I'm thankful that I was finally secure enough to be able to enjoy her last two affairs with her."

"I find that hard to believe."

"I'm sure you do. You'll find this hard to believe too. At the end I actually encouraged her to take weekend getaways."

"You mean with other men."

"And women."

"Was Edith bisexual?"

"No, I'm certain she wasn't, but it would have been all right if she was. It's still just sex. No I'm talking about her group of friends. Including Edith there were four of them. Privately they called themselves the four harlots. They did the weekend getaways together."

"What about the men?"

"That was the easy part. All four of them were attractive affluent women. It's not difficult to find twenty-five year old men who are eager to spend a commitment free weekend at a luxury resort with four beautiful middle aged women.

"Edith was a cougar."

"She certainly was and she enjoyed every minute of it. At the end I did too. Michael during the days before those getaways she was actually giddy with excitement. It's fun to see the woman you love that happy."

"But you weren't the cause of that happiness."

"So what, we had plenty of happy times with each other. We were always laughing and giggling together. The years we were raising our children will always be special, but those last few years when Edith was playing around were wonderful."

"Didn't you feel neglected when Edith was on a weekend getaway?"

"Hell no, during the week before one of her getaways Edith would try to fuck me to death. I needed the break. Also you can call me an old perv, but when she was gone I had a pretty good time imagining what she was doing."

"Really?"

"Michael do you ever look at porn movies on the Internet? Be honest."

I laughed. "Yeah I admit it, I do."

"I do too. Actually these days Edith and I watch them together."

"Really?"

"Yeah but lets not get sidetracked. Imagine watching a porn movie that featured Jeanne with another guy."

"I ah...I don't know."

"Michael, be honest. I'll bet you've found a porn star who reminds you of Jeanne."

Sheepishly I answered, "Yes."

"Who is it?"

Quietly, I said; "Julia Ann."

Charles smiled. "I agree, there's a very strong resemblance. When you're watching a Julia Ann movie do you ever imagine that it's really Jeanne you're watching?"

I did do that, but I was ashamed of it. It was hard to admit it. I looked down at the floor.

Charles said; "It's okay Michael. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just fun."

I nodded. "But admitting it is difficult."

"It shouldn't be. You're not doing anything wrong. Someday I hope that you and Jeanne will reach a point where the two of you can watch a Julia Ann movie together."

"Do you have a porn star who reminds you of Edith?"

"Oh yes."

"May I ask who it is?"

"Certainly, it's Diamond Foxx. Of course we're talking about Edith when she was a much younger woman. Diamond Foxx is probably forty years younger than Edith; but when Edith was young, when she was slutted up before a date or a weekend getaway; she looked just like Diamond Foxx."

"Slutted up?"

"That's what the four harlots called it. When they we're going out they loved to get their hair done; lay on some heavy eye makeup and lip rouge and dress in tight short skirts, low cut blouses, nylon stockings and spike heeled pumps. I think they enjoyed that almost as much as the sex. Michael it was an adventure for them. When they were out with another man they got to be somebody completely different."

"And you actually learned to enjoy it."

"Yes I did. My only regret is that I didn't relax and start enjoying it much earlier."

I shook my head. "You make it sound; I don't know, I guess exciting."

"Once you finally realize that it has nothing to do with love it is exciting and fun too."

"I'm not there yet."

"No you're not. That's why you have to go away."

"I'm worried about the business."

"Don't be. I'm impressed with Jason. He seems like a very capable young man."

"He is."

"And the Internet and a cell phone will allow you to stay in touch."

"That's true."

"Michael I'm certain that my financial affairs will still be handled professionally."

"Thank you Charles; I appreciate your confidence, your understanding and your advice."

"Get away, take some time for yourself. It will get easier and when it does, come back to us."

We smiled at each other.

Charles patted my shoulder and said; "And now I'd better go find Edith and take her home." He winked at me. "This evening we're going to watch a Diamond Foxx movie. We're both looking forward to it."

Charles and I walked into the reception area together. We were both grinning. Edith and Ruth were sitting next to Ruth's desk drinking coffee.

When she saw us Edith asked; "What are the two of you grinning about?"

Charles said; "I just told Michael about our movie plans for the evening."

"Were you specific about the star of the movie?"

"Definitely."

"Did you tell him why we like that particular actress?"

"Yes I did."

Edith stood up, walked over to me and kissed my cheek. "I hope that someday you and Jeanne have a movie star that you both enjoy for the same reason."

"It's going to take some time before I reach that point."

"Yes I'm sure it will, but try to understand. It really is a wonderfully exciting way to live."

Edith turned and took Charles' arm. "Let's go home dear. I want to get slutted up before we watch the movie."

Charles laughed. "I was hoping you were planning to do that."

"Of course I am, it makes watching the movie much more fun."

As they walked out of the office I looked at Edith. I could see it. When she was younger and slutted up I imagined that she probably did look quite a bit like Diamond Foxx.

As soon as they were gone Ruth asked, "What was all that about a movie and what movie star were they talking about?"

I shook my head. "I think that was told to me in confidence."

"Michael don't be a putz. Besides Edith told me everything. I just don't understand the discussion about the movie."

"Edith told you everything?"

"Yes, everything. She told me about her five affairs, the weekend getaways, the four harlots; I even know what she meant when she said she wanted to get slutted up."

"She told you all of that?"

"Yes, why shouldn't she? Edith and I are good friends. I also think she was afraid that I might end my friendship with Jeanne over this."

"Please don't do that. Right now Jeanne needs her friends."

"Don't worry, I won't. Now tell me about the movie."

"All right, they're going to watch a porn movie."

"A porn movie? Really?" Ruth smiled. "I hope David and I are still watching porn movies when we're in our seventies. So who's the porn star?"

"Diamond Foxx."

"Never heard of her."

"Do you watch a lot of porn?"

"Not really, once in awhile David and I will watch one late at night on the Internet. I think he watches quite a bit of it."

"Most men do."

"Do you watch porn on the Internet?"

"Yes."

"So tell me about this Diamond Foxx."

"She's a fairly well known porn star. I think she's in her late thirties. She's very attractive in a slutty kind of way. Charles thinks that when Edith was younger and slutted up she looked a lot like Diamond Foxx."

"Does she?"

"Yes, I can see it."

"I'm going to have to look her up on the Internet." Ruth paused for a moment and then she asked; "Do you have a porn star who looks like Jeanne?"

"You're getting a little personal."

"Tell me."

"Okay, yes I do. Her name is Julia Ann."

Ruth smiled. "I'll look her up too. I wonder if David has a porn star who looks like me?"

"If he doesn't, tell him to check out Roxanne Hall."

"Really? I'll have to look her up too."

I laughed.

Grinning at me, Ruth made a shooing motion with her hands. "Go back to your office and do some work. I have to do some Internet research."

Still laughing, I went back into my office.

A half hour later I heard a knock. "Come in."

It was Ruth. "Charles is right. While Edith is much older now, I'll bet that at one time she did look just like Diamond Foxx. Especially when she was slutted up."

"That's what I thought too."

"And Jeanne is a dead ringer for Julia Ann."

"I agree."

"And thank you, I'm flattered. Roxanne Hall is hot."

"You're not thinking about following Edith and Jeanne's lead are you?"

"No I'm only thirty-eight. I'm not old enough to start that yet. Besides, I still have a son in high school and a daughter in junior high." Ruth laughed. "Still, when Michelle graduates from college I may decide to reevaluate that position."

"If you do, spend a little time preparing David before you drop that bomb on him."

"Don't worry, I will. In fact I plan to do a little preparing tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"I found a web site that has several Roxanne Hall movies that can be downloaded. Both Ben and Michelle are going out this evening. I plan to get slutted up and invite David to watch one of the movies with me. I'm not going to mention that you suggested that I resemble her. I'm going to wait and see if David notices."

"How are you going to explain your interest in that particular porn star?"

"I'll tell David that my sister Becky recommended the movie."

"Does Becky watch a lot of porn?"

"Not really, but if I warn her she'll back me up." Ruth shrugged. "Actually Becky and I look a lot alike. If David and I enjoy the movie I'll tell Becky to watch it with her husband."

Laughing, I said; "I wonder if Charles and Edith realize what they've done."

Ruth smiled and went back to her desk.

I spent the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday organizing my financial plans. While it was time consuming, it was relatively easy. I was an accountant with all of the resources of my firm at my disposal.

Just after noon on Sunday my cell phone rang. The caller ID showed that it was Ruth. I answered it.

"Hi Ruth."

"Hi Michael, how are you doing today?"

"I'm a little sad, but other than that I'm okay."

"I have something that might cheer you up."

"Tell me."

"Telling you about this feels a little weird, but after everything that's happened during the past few days I think we can talk about things like this."

"Okay."

"Michael, David and I downloaded a Roxanne Hall movie last night. David hooked his laptop up to our bedroom television. We watched it in bed. David saw the resemblance immediately. He went wild. He loved it. Michael we did it three times last night. We haven't done it that many times in one night since we were newlyweds."

"It sounds like you had a fun night."

"We did. David wants to get another movie tonight. I'm afraid that I might have created a monster."

I laughed. "But you're enjoying this monster, aren't you."

"Oh yes, I can't wait until tonight."

"I'm happy to hear you had a good time. Thanks for telling me. It did cheer me up."

"Thank you for telling me about Roxanne Hall. I'm feeling pretty cheery right now too."

I laughed again.

"Michael I have to run. We're going to a barbecue at David's sisters house. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Okay Ruth, thanks for the call. Have a good time watching your movie tonight."

Ruth laughed. "I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have a wonderful time." And then she hung up.

I set my cell phone down, sat back in my chair and shook my head. Suddenly it seemed like everyone I knew was preoccupied with sex.

When I walked into the office the next morning Ruth was seated at her desk.

I smiled and asked, "How was your evening?"

Ruth grinned at me. "I think I'm going to be walking funny for a week."

"It sounds like it was a fun night."

"Believe me, it was."

Chuckling, I walked into my office and sat down at my desk. I took a minute to focus my attention and then I began the process of liquidating my stocks, bonds and mutual funds. Shortly after I started Jason joined me. We worked together for the entire morning. By lunch time we'd sold everything and both of us felt confident that we'd done everything we could to minimize the tax liabilities. Still they were extensive.

Monday afternoon I stored my Lexus and bought a year old Ford Escape. I planned to tour the United States. The Escape seemed like a more suitable vehicle for this adventure.

My final tasks for Monday were to purchase a new cell phone with a new telephone number and a high quality lap top computer. I also set up a new Gmail account. Jason and Ruth were the only people who would know the address.

I spent Tuesday planning my trip. I purchased a sleeping bag, cooler and several good quality flashlights. If I needed to do it I could store my gear in the front seat of the Escape, put down the rear seat and sleep in the back. While I was planning on sleeping in motels, I had plenty of space and this was a nice fall back option.

Wednesday morning the money from the sale of the stocks, bonds and mutual funds became available. Jason, Ruth and I spent the day funding the four trusts. By the end of the workday Wednesday everything was complete. I was planning to leave early Thursday morning.

After saying goodbye to Jason and Ruth I sat down at my desk and composed a short letter to Jeanne.

Dear Jeanne

I am now convinced that you're determined to adopt this new life style. I'm trying to understand, but I'm finding it difficult. Right now I can't bear the thought of once again having to see you get dressed up for a date with another man.

While I still love you and believe that you still love me, I need time to sort out my feelings about what you're doing. The only way I can do that is to temporarily separate myself from you. I'm going away. By the time you read this I'll be gone. I don't know when I'll return.

I have set up a trust fund for you and both of the girls. Jason and Ruth are administering the funds. The three of you should contact them at your earliest opportunity so that they can explain the details of these funds. All three of you should be financially secure.

As I said earlier, I still love you and I ardently hope that at some time in the future we can resume living together as man and wife. If you wish to divorce me you'll have to initiate the action yourself, but I won't fight it. While I really do still love you, I want you to be happy. If that means terminating our marriage so that you can pursue a relationship with someone else I'll be hurt, but I will survive."

If you need to contact me you can do it through Jason or Ruth. They both have my cell phone number and my email address. Please don't badger them. They have strict instructions not to give that information out to anyone.