All Comments on 'Aztec Art - The Path to Submission'

...not finished.

Interesting even for an outsider. Much psychological detail, very good. Rich language. The ending works just fine as is.

artefacts

(artifacts)

They're artefacts where I come from; that's England, where the unadulterated version of the language we invented, speak, and write, prevails.

I'll forgive you for using the bastardised and incorrect version you call 'English' - but don't expect me to; I'm English.

I read your story 'Bird of Prey' and this one is far superior to your earlier work indeed. Your style has improved greatly. And the slower pacing with far more character details is also working great in the story build up.

A few comments I would like to make though (with intention of improvement mainly.) One is that the setting earlier was all about Joyce and Lloyd, and at that time when you wrote so many pages on Chester, it was not truly fun. We wanted the main story to continue. The details about the past of Chester could have been skipped to later part when it mattered more into the story. Besides, telling of his back story in such a slow much with every details going in dialogues, and then after every dialogue a whole paragraph of reaction of the women in the surrounding was not as entertaining for the reader as you might have felt yourself.

Another thing I would like to point out is that you're fond of using the pronoun 'She' for sissy males. It's not like you can't do it. But when he is surrounded by three females, all of whom you have to call 'She', it's kind of confusing many times. Then it also takes away the flavor sometimes that there is a male into dominant female. In my eyes, its lot more fun to read if you keep original gender pronouns.

One more issue I felt was that you're not separating different scenes with separators, like dotted line or something. Such breaks are very good to realize the reader that we're switching the scene. It provides almost same reaction as you have when you notice a scene change in a movie with screen flickering or a very brief blackening. Simple flow only creates confusion, and sometimes we get into the new scene after reading a few lines, which produces different effect in the mind of the reader as you would have planned originally.

But overall the story is great. Five stars indeed!

I wrote to you recently, having completed the Awakening Miranda series, mentioning my disappointment that you didn't develop the smoking element in an otherwise very well written and enjoyable story. I didn't mention my other fetish, rubber!

Imagine my delight when I began the Aztec Art serial, reading very early on about smoking Dommes, and also the possibility of cigar smoking as well. If you've read my message, you'll know that I am a SOTL, (a Sister Of The Leaf) as some cigar smoking Ladies call themselves.

I had no reason to mention my love for, and obsession with all things rubber in my previous communication, but now that you come to mention it ...

I can't wait to get back to part 2 of this tale, but before I do, may I flag up something that is bothering me? On the first page, we are introduced to Clarabel, formally Clark. Whatever happened to her/him? This is a minor point, I know. But as you obviously have aspirations for erotic fiction, it might be something you could look at in your future work.

I'm loving everything I've read of yours up to now. Your stories have certainly given me ideas as to how to further humiliate and dominate my submissive. Any further suggestions as to how to be a better Owner/Domme will be willingly considered and acted out, if pratical.

Thank you once again,

Eirycgar

So what is the sissy maid's name - Clarabel (formerly Clark) or Lucy?