Babydoll Ch. 19

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Jill had gotten her wish, we barely left the apartment over the next week, except when she had to work or we went grocery shopping or such. We both had to start back to class on the 15th and then it was time to concentrate on our studies again.

I had rebonded with Jill, because of all of the time spent together. That didn't mean that I didn't miss Ashley any less. I thought of Ash every day, several times a day. I'd even call her and we did speak a few times over the subsequent weeks, but she wouldn't allow me to turn the words in an intimate direction. There seemed to be a certain aloof quality to the conversations. I made sure that she understood that I missed her and I sensed that she missed me; but in the end, by what was left unsaid, it was clear that she wanted me to be with Jill.

It was during the first week of February that I had received a call from my Grandpa. Now, let me say that I had talked to Big a few times over the past month, but this was a unique call. Big was calling me and wanted me to make a special trip home. It seems that he was the Chairman of the annual Heart Ball that centers around having a Valentine's Dance at our Country Club.

"Jim, I'm the Chairman of the Heart Ball this year and I need my family to be there to support the event," he let me know, "... so I need you to be there and bring Jill. It's next weekend. I've already paid for everything, so all you need to do is dress nicely and be there."

It had come as a surprise to me. There was no way that I could say no. I had already debated in my mind whether I was going to go home for Spring break, because of all of the circumstances and now I had a week and a half before I would have to be back there again.

There was a problem with Jill. She had to work that weekend and it was going to be hard for her to get out of it. Jill tried to find someone to work for her, but in the end she couldn't get out of it. It was decided she would have to stay and I would be travelling home alone. I tried not to think of all the implications of Ash and I being near one another again without Jill there.

The days had moved along quite deliberately and the closer the event approached, the more anxious I grew. Jill had worked on Valentine's night, which was in the middle of the week, but when she got off of work we spent some special time together. I had bought her favorite wine and some roses and we made love to the wee hours of the morning, even though we both had to be in class early the following morning.

On Friday, I could see that Jill wasn't happy that we would be missing our weekend together, "I wish you didn't have to go Jim..." she bemoaned that morning. She would be busy working on Friday and Saturday night and I'd be back on Sunday. Even though I maintained the logic of it all by assuring her that I'd be back before she knew it, nothing I said seemed to settle her anxiety.

In my own mind, to be honest, I was more than a little unsettled. I was heading back home where I'd be next to something that I desired more than anything in the world. I'd be next to my Babydoll. I'd be going to a dance with her. It wasn't arranged by us or for us, but we would most certainly be in one another's presence over the next few days. The possibilities certainly had my mind stirring, but at the same time I tried to calm my excitement and promise myself that I could be true to Jill and Ash was going to insist on that in the process.

My last class that Friday was over at 3pm. I had a test that I was going to need to take when I got back on Monday, so I took my books home with me. It was a five hour drive home and a five hour drive back. I'd have to study on this night and Sunday night to be prepared for the test Monday afternoon - tis the reality of a university student as you might know.

I had packed my bags at lunch and said goodbye to Jill with kisses as I headed to class. She'd already be gone to work when my class was over and I got on the road immediately thereafter.

It was February 16th. You know how it is in the middle of February. It's sort of like how they say, 'it's always darkest before the dawn.' Well, the dead of winter was over and the sun would go down later, but it was still plenty cold and there really weren't any signs of Spring other than the sun warming the sky a little more. The temperature had risen to the upper 40s on this day and would hover there until the sun went down.

Like all of my trips, the sun slowly sank westward as I got closer and closer home, causing me to reminisce about the past few years. My acceptable reality wasn't with me and I'd be heading into something that confronted me head on. Can you relate to the multifaceted thoughts that pinballed in my mind. I was as unsettled as a pinball surely would be, but yeah, 'it's all on me,' I had to acknowledge.

The shadows lengthened and the sky darkened over the first half of the trip until around 6:30pm when it became completely dark. The foreboding darkness brought an anxiousness that I could not quell over the last hour of the trip. The clock on the dashboard read 8:15pm when I pulled into the neighborhood.

As I pulled into the driveway, everything looked like a picture perfect snapshot of what I had left it back in January. There were even remnants of snowfall laying in the exact same places. The temperature had fallen precipitously during the drive, which felt unexpected compared to the toasty confines of the car, but that was to be expected compared to the more temperate climate 250 miles away.

Thoughts ran through my mind of Spring Break. In the fleeting moment, I thought to myself that I wouldn't be coming home this year. I wanted to head to Fort Lauderdale or Key West and enjoy the benefits of sun and fun in 80 degree weather for a week to recharge my batteries. I certainly hadn't gotten much rest over Christmas, but yeah, once again I had to confess that was my fault.

I saw Ashley's car parked in its usual place in the driveway, as I parked in my usual spot and proceeded to pull my things out of my car and walk to the door. I unlocked the door and entered, surprised to see Ash standing right in front of me.

She grinned softly and immediately came towards me, embracing me in a soft hug as I dropped my belongs. "How was the trip?" She looked really nice in her winter knit lounge pants and sweater.

I responded, "It was alright." As she hugged me, I wondered what was running through her mind. I have to admit that I was so nervous that I was probably shaking and maybe that prevented me from getting a true sense of the situation.

"Have you had dinner?" she asked.

"No, I came here straight from class." I returned.

She grinned, "Oh, well... We have some soup and sandwich stuff in the fridge. I'll fix you some, if you'd like."

(Jim) - "That'd be great. Where's Mom?"

(Ashley) - "She's at Cathy's... went there after work. She said she'd be back afterwhile. I think Cathy is going to the dance tomorrow too."

I remembered what happened at Thanksgiving when I was home and she was at Cathy's. It gave me a little shudder thinking about that evening, but I was brought back by a sense of knowing that Ash and I were alone for the next few hours.

Ash headed towards the Kitchen as I let her know, "Ash, I'm going to run my bags upstairs, OK."

I headed upstairs with my suitcase and backpack. I dropped them down and perused the room which looked to have not changed over the preceding six weeks. But, I took note that someone had to have at least dusted and vacuumed, because while nothing looked to have been moved, it definitely was clean.

I headed back downstairs, where I found Ash putting everything back in the fridge that she had used to make me a BLT, which sat on the table, while she finished heating up what looked to be homemade Beef-Vegetable soup. I went and fixed a Coke and had a seat at the table. Ash finished preparing my soup and then brought it over to me.

"Thank You," I responded as she went back and grabbed some cookies and a glass of milk for herself before heading back over and sitting with me.

I smiled and ogled her beautiful presence, "It's certainly nice being around you, I've missed you."

"Jim, there's some things I have to let you know... ," she put forth with a melancholic expression.

"OK..." I responded with a sad curiosity wondering what she was going to lay on me.

"I have to let you know that I have a date for tomorrow night," she spoke with a bit of a blank expression.

I cocked my head with interest and a tinge of jealousy, but I knew it was her turn to speak.

"His name is Mitchell Davis," she let me know. "He's an attorney that Big Daddy has gotten to know. And he is apparently trying to woo him to join the firm."

I had to ask, "How long have you known this guy?"

"Big Daddy invited me out to lunch last week and let me know about this whole Heart Ball thing," she said matter of factly, "Well, of course it was a set up, because this guy comes walking in and Big Daddy introduces us, then he has him join us, because this guy happens to be going to be eating alone... One thing leads to another. Big Daddy talks about the Heart Ball... asks if I have a date, which you know I didn't, and before I know it he has it arranged for this guy to be my date tomorrow night... I couldn't say no... I can't say no."

"Ash, I wouldn't want you too," I reached my hand out to her own, touching it, and conceded with a heavy heart as she smiled cautiously and nodded affirmatively. "Have you had a chance to talk to the guy?"

"Yeah, a couple days ago and last night... He's nice and he was thanking me... He's a nice looking guy and well mannered... reminds me a bit of you... He was talking about how he was working all the time trying to build a career. He said he hadn't been on a date in a year."

"Wow," somehow it lifted my spirits, because this guy sounded a bit harmless.

We sat in silence as I took a little over 15 minutes to finish my soup and sandwich, but I did eventually ask, "Why aren't you out tonight... seems like on a Friday night you'd find something to do besides just hang out here."

"I've just been sticking around here... and besides tomorrow is going to be a big night." She responded. "I have this neat dress I'm going to wear, Big Daddy gave me his credit card and told me to go Downtown to the boutiques and buy whatever I wanted."

"Hmmm... you've piqued my curiosity," I thought as my lascivious nature crept upon my imagination. "I'm gonna go upstairs and catch a buzz. Care to join me?"

"Nah Jimmy, I don wanna..." she shied away.

"You sure..." I persisted.

"No Jim... I don't want to," she insisted with no hesitation.

"OK," I headed upstairs to my little cedar chest and went into the hidden compartment. Everything was still in its place as I reached in and pulled the good stuff out. There certainly wasn't as much as there used to be, but I'd say there was still a good half an ounce. I had taken a little back to school with me, but my chances to partake had been few and far between and I'd never broached the subject with Jill.

I rolled the joint and opened the window in my room. The stuff still had a great potency as I only smoked about half the joint before putting it out. I laid back on my bed and my mind rattled with several thoughts. Ash was looking as good as usual and I knew why she didn't want to smoke up with me. It always seemed to lead to us taking our clothes off and doing the deed.

I was definitely tired from the drive home, but Ash being in the house caused me to be a little excited. I knew that I wanted to hang out with her. Her being around certainly stoked my libido, Mama wasn't home, Ash was here, Jill was 250 miles away... who would even know if we did anything. I surrendered to my primal desire thinking about testing the water. Ash did say she didn't want to go out. She did sound like she hadn't been on any dates. 'Maybe she would like to fuck?' I thought for a second.

I got up and headed downstairs. Entering the living room, I saw Ashley look up as I headed towards the sofa where she was sitting, "May I have a seat?"

"You'll be a good?" she inquired.

"And why wouldn't I be?" I appealed.

"Because you never have been," as she rolled her eyes before looking back at the screen.

I plopped down beside her and minded my own business, but she was so close that the warmth of her presence indeed was having an effect on me. I turned and couldn't help staring at the beauty before me.

It didn't take long for Ash to notice, "Whaaaat?" she asked in an exaggerated manner.

(Jim) - "Nothing, it's just that I have truly missed you. You know I have."

She cocked her head in a flustered manner and took a deep breath.

"You could be wearing a burlap sack and you'd still be the hottest woman I ever met. I'm spoiled having you in my life." She stared intently in my eyes as I leaned in and stole a kiss from her.

She leaned back incredulously placing her hand over her mouth, "What was that... why did you do that?"

(Jim) - "I'm sorry... I couldn't help myself..."

"You... Jill... Why... Why do you do this to me?..." she exasperated.

"I know, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for loving you... Always have... Always will..." the words trailed off as I leaned back in to kiss her again.

"No Jimmy. No... I need you to be good."

"Maybe tomorrow?" I posed.

She stared at me and hesitated, tilting her head as if she were thinking hard about something, and then without saying a word, she got up almost as if to escape. She headed upstairs and something instinctively told me not to follow.

I laid back on the sofa to rest my eyes as my mind drifted. In my mind, I was thinking about Ash and tomorrow night, but this brought Jill to mind and how I wasn't being faithful to her by chasing after Ashley again. There were still sparks with Ash; there always were. I felt it in the kiss, but she pulled back. She didn't want to travel down that road. But there was that hesitation. I knew Ash better than anyone, but I certainly didn't always know what she was thinking. My mind was reeling with all of these thoughts. I was certainly tired, but my intent was only to rest my eyes for a few minutes and then go to my room...

"Jim... Jim... Jimmy," something caused me to awaken, I opened my eyes to see my mother standing over the top of me.

"Hey Mom," I stared at her. She seemed to be wearing her work clothes, but had the oxford shirt of her business unbuttoned and untucked, as worn when relaxing. "Did you just get home?"

She bent down to the sofa and kissed my forehead, "Yeah, I went out to dinner with Cathy and some friends and she just gave me a ride home."

(Jim) - "Oh... OK."

(Mama) - Did you bring Jill with you?

(Jim) - No she couldn't come. She had to work.

(Mama) - That's too bad. I was hoping to see her again. I enjoy her.

I didn't respond.

(Mama) - "Is Ashley here?"

(Jim) - "Yeah. I think she's up in her room."

My answer seemed to put Mama at ease, as she once again kissed my forehead, "I'm going to head on up... I'll see you in the morning... I had your navy blue suit dry cleaned for tomorrow night. I bought you a neat tie and handkerchief to go with it. I knew you wouldn't want to wear a tux."

My mother left the room and I drifted back off into my stupor. I fell asleep and barely remembered waking up to head up to my bed where I passed out.

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When I woke up it was right after 9am. I went downstairs and fixed a bowl of cereal as the house remained quiet. Apparently my mother and Ashley were going to sleep in on this morning. I grabbed my bowl of cereal and headed back upstairs to read my Political Science book for the test I would be taking on Monday afternoon.

I had my head buried in this textbook when I heard my mother's door open and a light prancing down the steps. I continued reading , when a few minutes later, Mama knocked on my bedroom door asking if I had had any breakfast. I let her know that I had and she didn't need to fix anything for me. I continued reading my book, but in my mind thoughts lingered as I noticed that Ashley was still in bed. I went to her room and quietly opened the door. She still appeared to be sleeping, even though it was 11am and she had gone up to bed well before I had.

I decided to let her continue sleeping and headed downstairs to grab another cup of coffee and chat with my mother. Mama was now dressed in an athletic suit and looked to be doing some household cleaning. She looked and asked, "You need anything."

(Jim) - "Nah."

She nodded her head affirmatively, "You'll have to fend for yourself for lunch. I figured since we're going to this big dance that we wouldn't need much lunch. They'll have plenty of food there."

(Jim) - "OK."

"I'm going to go run some errands. I hope your sister will wake up soon...," she paused before continuing, "Jim, she's been being sort of distant again. Not like before mind you, but she's been keeping to herself a lot last couple weeks. She hasn't been hostile or anything, but she doesn't leave the house much and I haven't seen any of her friends around... She's been here a lot."

These were, in my mind, very curious statements. My imagination had me thinking that this was all because of me. How could it not be. Ashley wanted to be with me, but had reconciled in her mind that it could never work out. Even though I was with Jill, Ash would always be the one that I loved most. We could run away. We could be together. If only she would allow it.

"I'll talk to her Mama," I interjected.

My mother gave me a cautious look, "OK," but she also gave me a knowing, cautious, circumstantial stare, as though she were scared to know of what the conversation might entail.

I grabbed my coffee and headed back upstairs to my book. I read a while longer. Two chapters down and one to go, I thought to myself as I put down the textbook and stretched. I still had about 20 pages to read, but I needed a break. I would read the next chapter in the afternoon and then read back over the material again on Sunday evening when I got back to the apartment at college.

It was getting towards noon when I figured that I needed to go have that conversation with Ash. My heart started pounding in anticipation of where these words could lead. I had a cool perspiration that had formed on my forehead as I moved towards my door and out into the hall. I took a deep breath and exhaled as I approached her door. I knocked, "Ash, May I come in."

"OK," as I opened the door, she was stretching and sitting up Indian style, yawning, with her back against her pillows.

I walked in closing the door behind me and proceeded to sit at the foot of her bed, "Mom says you are being a bit of a recluse."

With a bit of an emphatic bitchy tone, Ash spoke, "Why is she telling you that?"

(Jim) - "I guess she's worried... and worried enough to send me of all people up here to speak with you."

(Ashley) - "That's pretty ridiculous, isn't it?"

(Jim) - "We are the two closest people in this family... I think she wants you to come out of it."

(Ashley) - "OK... whatever."

(Jim) - "Now this isn't the girl that greeted me at the door last night."

She admitted, "I know... I'm sorry... I've just got a lot on my mind."

(Jim) - "My DarIing, I love you more than anything on this earth... Maybe after this dance we can spend some time together... and I'll try to be good."

She gave a little knowing smile and looked away, "Jimmy, can you let me have some alone time now... I have to get some things done."

"OK, I'll leave you alone." I walked out the door and headed downstairs to the basement; taking my book along to finish up the last chapter I needed to read. When I was finished with my book, I laid down on the sofa and watched some basketball. Eventually I nodded off...