All Comments on 'Bad Mr. Hill'

... a more appropriate title! *S*. For a first write, this is very good! Of course there are the usual grammatical errors, easily fixed. I guess it's the concept that intrigues me, the idea that the gorgeous neighbor girl 'could be' thinking the same things I am...

Keep writing, and have a lovely day!

I liked it....maybe a bit more "atmosphere" or something; seems kind of "antiseptic". will make for a good series with these two as the central characters.

I wish you hadn't apologised before you let us read it, persopnally, I thought you did a wonderful job! I , too would be interested in this storyline becoming a series. The characters are intriguing and you find that you just need a little more. Great Job!

very good - well paced and I liked the Slut refernce hanging at the end - looking forward to more

That was a plain, ordinary blow-job she gave him unless I've got my terms mixed up.

I would suggest doing what I do when I'm not being lazy - write it, then put it aside, then edit it, then put it aside, then have someone else edit it, then edit it again.

I see this happen to me, and my friends a lot - you write it and then edit it right away, abd you see what you meant, not what you wrote. Also the ending seems a little rushed.

But it's not bad at all in as far as the writing. Just needs a bit more editing. :) And I would also suggest adding to the ending, especially if it's the first in a series.

Promising

The first one is always the hardest! Keep writing and take on board all the comments concerning editing etc. Will look out for your next story.

Do not change a thing as your story is a wonderful building block in exploring your abilities and it was as sweet and perfect in exploring your new venue as the character in the tale. You made it an easy read:) You will do better as you find your writing style and that is what matters as you grow from good to better. Most people including the feedback posters will never reach as good as you are now. Remember that.

and read this. It's such a juicy writ take on a generational fantasy. For sure it was a true event and not so unusual. Why haven't you done more? Got any secrets to pass on from the intervening years? How promiscious did you end up...;) Mancelt.