Band Camping

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. You're not in danger of losing a man card or anything."

I sure enjoyed being around her.

We made our way back to her bedroom, after some more playful banter and a good drink of water. The last couple of hours were starting to feel surreal, almost as if I had been in a dream. But the details were too sharp to be from a fantasized image.

"That... really happened, right?" Jen asked, giving voice to my own thoughts.

"I know... I was thinking that too -- it was so amazing."

Jen came over and stepped up on her tippy-toes, pulling me down by the collar and planting a firm, very wonderful kiss on my lips.

"Well, that felt just as good as earlier, so..." Jen let her arms slide down and wrap around my waist. "...what should we do now?"

Fuck, that's what I wanted to ask her. I was hoping she would lead, and let me know when she was ready and what she was ready for. What should we do now? I was feeling at a loss. I glanced over at her alarm clock, shocked to see it was close to midnight. But that gave me an idea...

"Jen?" I was still holding her close to me. She had let her head rest against my chest, but when I said her name she looked back up at me.

"Yeah, Dan?"

"You wanna sleep together?" I saw her open her mouth to protest. She must have thought I meant it as sex, so I continued before she could say anything. "Just sleep. I just... want to be close to you right now."

She closed her mouth, nestling her head back against my chest. "Yeah, that would be nice."

It didn't take long for us to finish disrobing to our underwear, climb into her bed, and pull the covers up around us. We nestled into a comfortable cuddle -- she had her head on my chest, a leg hiked up over my waist. I couldn't have imagined a better place and a better feeling than this.

"God, this feels so right," Jen whispered. I had to agree.

"Mmmhmm," in my relaxed state, was all that I managed to get out. I blinked a few times, and finally focused long enough to whisper back to her, "Good night, Jen."

"Good night."

I don't think I've ever slept so well in my life. I mean, we'd just had an incredibly intimate moment -- two moments in fact-- and I was cuddled up quite closely with this incredible woman.

Right before I fell asleep, I had one final thought, but not enough energy to entertain it: Jen had mentioned something about the way I tasted that made it sound like it was a brand-new experience for her. But she'd been engaged, right? If it weren't for the comfort of her being so close, and my tiredness from the day, I might have stayed up all night thinking about it.

Just what exactly was Jen not telling me about her engagement, and did it make a difference to what we had now?

Chapter 6 -- There's Snow Joke About It...

After that amazing Friday night, I woke up alone in Jen's bed. I thought she might be in the bathroom, or making breakfast, anything but where she was -- gone, with no note or text or anything to indicate where she might have been.

I looked all through her apartment -- a quick feat given the tiny one bedroom space -- with no sign of her.

I checked my phone several times.

Maybe she had gone for breakfast for us, or coffee. I waited ten minutes, then half an hour, then a whole hour, with no response or anything.

I decided to call her.

I held the phone up to my ear. My heart had begun hammering in my chest a while back and had not stilled or slowed. Where was she?

I counted the rings. One... Two...

Bzzzzz.

I heard a faint buzzing sound back in her bedroom. No... you're kidding me...

Bzzzzz.

I followed the buzz, not really surprised yet utterly dismayed to see her phone as the source of the sound. Fuck.

"Where are you, Jen?" I asked the empty room. I was getting really worried now. My imagination began to run wild, conjuring up images of kidnappers, terrorists, rapists, alien abductors -- anything and everything terrible I could imagine was racing through my mind. Or... maybe she freaked out, and she didn't actually like me? But, knowing Jen, if that was the case, she would have likely told me to "get the fuck out" or something else blunt and direct. But that still didn't calm my nerves, or solve where she was.

I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack.

Jess. I could call Jess, maybe she knew something, or maybe she was over there with her.

I quickly dialed her, waiting for her to respond.

<What?> A very grouchy, annoyed, and sleepy voice half growled, half slurred out of my receiver.

"Jess?"

<Whoda fuck is callin' meeso Gaaahdamn early?>

Wow, that would have been quite hysterical if I hadn't been so concerned about where Jen had gone.

"Uh, Jess, it's me, Dan. Is Jen over there with you?"

<Why would sheeebe over here?> Jess' voice was gradually getting more focused and clear.

"Well..." I hesitated for a moment. Did I dare tell her I had spent the night with Jen? Would she tease us, make Jen feel terrible? No, considering the circumstances, Jess was likely the best source to go to. "I stayed here with Jen last night --"

<Haha, I knew it, you dog! Way to go! How was it?> Her voice had changed from sleep-laden to overly-enthusiastic within that one statement.

"Uh, no, Jess, look, I... I'll let her tell you any details if she wants, but... she's not here now."

<What do you mean?>

"I mean, she left sometime before I woke. There's no note, no text, no call, nothing. She even left her phone."

There was a long pause of silence. I thought the call had dropped for a moment.

<Ah.>

"What?"

<She's probably at her "spot" right about now. Is her bike outside the apartment?>

She had a bike? "What bike?"

<It's a pink one, Raleigh, can't miss it -- only pink one at that complex. It's always parked in the closest rack to the apartment... and should still be in that same spot because of her knee.>

I moved over to the living room window, peeking out through the blinds. I squinted at the brightness, searching for the bike racks. There they were, with dozens of bikes parked there. I found the closest one, but could not see a single pink bike.

"No pink bike here."

<Ah, then don't worry, Dan. She's at her spot -- a lookout just off a bike trail. She likes to go there to think. But she hadn't gone since her injury...> A pause, like a hesitation: <I hope her knee can make it. It is a pretty advanced mountain climb to get to it.>

"Should we go check on her?"

<I will. You shouldn't. The best thing you can do now is give her space.>

"But --"

<No. Dan... I like you a lot. You're a great guy, and you're probably the best thing that could have happened to my sister. So please. Don't. Fuck. This. Up.>

"Would I --"

<Yes, Dan, it would fuck things up royally if you showed up to her secret place, without her inviting you there. She's strong -- both physically and emotionally -- and she needs to come to grips with this herself, on her own.>

I heaved a sigh. I hated waiting for things that I had absolutely no control over.

"Fine... can you have her call me, or could you, to let me know she's okay?"

<I can do that.>

"Thanks, Jess." I forced a small smile that she could not see. "I really am glad she has a sister like you."

<I'm glad she has you.>

I smiled -- a broad genuine smile. I took a large cleansing breath.

"Alright, I'll wait for one of you to call me. Talk to you later."

<Bye, you stud.>

The line beeped off before I could respond.

My mind was racing. Why would Jen need some space? I thought we were going so well and strong together. We did... plenty together... both physically and emotionally. And she seemed so happy right before we fell asleep.

I began replaying the previous day and night's events in my mind, trying to recall anything that would indicate she was less than excited about the new direction we had taken our... relationship...

Were we even in a relationship? I assumed we were, but neither of us had actually said anything. And if I had learned anything about relationships from my past experiences, it was that you should never assume you know a woman's heart and intentions. Trust me, and don't ask.

My crotch suddenly itched, and as I reached to scratch it, I realized I was still standing in Jen's bedroom, in my day old clothes, with underwear that had dried semen gluing my penis to the fabric. I was not going to get anything done here, and I didn't feel right taking a shower in her apartment without her here -- not to mention, with what Jess had said, she was off at a special spot and probably wanted some time and space, meaning she probably wasn't coming back here anytime soon, but if she did, me being here probably wouldn't be the best thing. My head was a jumbled mess anyway -- I probably needed some decompression myself.

Then it dawned on me: her past engagement, the fiancé that was suddenly killed -- that's probably what was haunting her. Another realization flooded my consciousness -- right before I had fallen asleep I had remembered the way she had said something, making it sound like she hadn't done it before.

I speculated then, wondering if she had ever done anything with this guy. I mean, she was engaged, right? Wouldn't they have done something together?

But on second thought, she had been acting rather strange about our intimate moments, about the suggestion of dating, about, well, anything involving our... relationship, whatever you might call it. The only thing that had flowed completely naturally was... last night.

Well, either way, it was time for a shower and clean clothes. It kinda sucked that I'd have to walk back to the dorms, with my knee still recovering.

I gathered up my things and left her apartment, locking the door behind me.

I hadn't gone more than a few steps before that familiar MG pulled up, Jess motioning me to get in.

For a moment, my heart soared, that maybe she would actually take me along with her to check on Jen.

"I remembered your knee, so I'll give you a ride. You should be grateful -- I'm usually still sleeping peacefully at this time." Jess offered a smile, but it faded quickly. I figured she was a bit worried about her sister, too.

"Ah, thanks, Jess. I really do appreciate it, since my knee is still quite sore." I glanced over at Jess. "Will she be...?"

"Just relax, Dan," she interrupted. "With how much I think she likes you, you giving her space will only make her appreciate you more."

I didn't like it. But... what other choice did I have? According to Jess, if I didn't give Jen the space she needed now, I'd likely fuck it all up -- and that was the last thing I wanted.

We spent the rest of the trip in silence. My mind was flooded with thoughts, worries, concerns, and fears.

Jess must have sensed or saw something on my face that gave away my worry.

"Seriously, I think it'll all turn out fine, and you'll be treated to some amazin' lovin' fairly soon."

"I... okay," I sighed. This was probably going to be the hardest thing I'd ever had to do before.

Jess surprised me by leaning over and giving me a peck on the cheek and a soft smile that almost looked foreign on her face, compared to the typically lecherous looks and smirks she seemed to wear constantly.

We rode the rest of the way in silence. My thoughts were completely consumed by Jen, anyway. I probably wouldn't have made for great idle chat.

The next thing I knew, we were already pulled up in front of the dorms, Jess poking my cheek to get my attention.

"Wakey wakey, Studmuffin. Now get out of here so I can go check on her. And before I decide to keep you for myself." There it was - that sultry grin. If I wasn't so worried, I would have found that whole thing quite comical (didn't I already think that same thing earlier?).

I got out and waved her off. There was a gnawing pit in my stomach that I couldn't seem to quell, despite Jess's words of encouragement.

I got back to my room and set about preparing for the game -- the game I hadn't thought of until I saw my uniform hanging on the edge of the closet. With everything happening, it had completely slipped my mind. Even though I was stuck in the bleachers, I was still playing the pep tunes, still in uniform. Any of my personal problems weren't going to excuse me from being there, prepared. But I kept my phone close, constantly checking it, awaiting some kind of response from Jen.

I really hoped everything was going to be alright.

**********

Unfortunately, all I got that afternoon was a quick call from Jess saying Jen was fine, and to keep giving her all the space she needed.

It was hard. I wanted nothing more than to be with her at that very moment -- to comfort her, to cuddle with her, to kiss her, to hold her...

The game was tonight. The game that Jen had been cleared to perform in. And it worked out, what with me still recovering from my injury. For the time being, she was going to take my spot in the show. But in the stands, during the game, she wouldn't look at me, wouldn't sit with me. I wanted so desperately to sit with her, but Jess was watching me like a hawk, shaking her head, mouthing the word "wait."

The halftime show was amazing, getting to see it from the stands instead of being in the middle of it. Jen was perfection, of course, and the Bruces doing the suicide trombone routine was flawless.

But she still wouldn't even acknowledge me. I wondered if she was aware how it hurt me. I tried not to let it show, hoping that I was giving her the space she needed.

The rest of the night passed without any further contact from Jen or Jess.

Sunday came and went with no call, either.

Monday practice was identical to the game: complete avoidance. She even rode her bike to and from, leaving Jess and me alone in the car ride.

Tuesday had no contact, too.

By Wednesday, I was getting frustrated, hurt, and worried again. I called Jess, but she insisted I just wait and have patience.

It felt like she was asking me to cut off my own hand.

**********

By some miracle, I made it to Friday. I was frustrated beyond belief, by this point. How could we have had so much going together, and yet have no contact after that? Was she upset with me? Was she trying to distance herself? Did I fuck it up anyway? Jess was insistent that things would work out, but I was beginning to doubt. Why wouldn't she just talk to me? I was thinking of all the ways I might talk to her, during the camping trip.

"...Lube? Dan!" the voice, from Gas, shook me from my thoughts. We were heading up the mountains to the campsite picked out years ago by one of the first Bruces, when they created the annual tradition for the trombone lines.

"...huh?" I finally got out, much to the amusement of the group around me.

"They're called trees, Lube," Donkey teased from the seat next to me.

"No shit. I was just thinking."

"I know. They'll still be called trees years from now." God, he pissed me off sometimes. He really could be an ass, proving that his political frankness was only one half of his earned Bruce nickname.

My lack of an answer to that made his smile falter slightly. Despite being the way he was, he was still a part of the trombone line, much like I was, so he could probably sense something different about me -- not to mention the fact that there was a pretty intense level of camaraderie amongst the Bruces.

"Dude, everything alright?" He had one eyebrow raised as he surveyed my face. "We're all Bruces here, you can tell us anything."

I heard murmurs of agreement from everyone. In the car, Gas was driving (assuring us he had plenty of gas in the tank and a backup gallon in the trunk, just in case), Sasquatch was riding shotgun, leaving Donkey and myself in the backseat.

I sighed. "Thanks, guys, but it's just a personal problem, nothing major." I didn't think they'd fully buy that, so I added: "I'm just being a pussy about it."

That got a laugh.

"Well, when we get there, stop being a puss and man up, huh? Hey Gas! You did bring the booze, right?"

I returned my gaze out the window, breathing a sigh of relief that the attention was off of me. My mind returned to the fact that Jen still hadn't said anything more than 'hi' to me since our night together. I was beginning to worry that she didn't want to be around me anymore. But I frequently caught her looking at me, and just before she'd quickly turn away, there was something in her expression... and I couldn't for the life of me decipher it. I chalked it up to my inability to read someone I was interested in.

The remainder of the car ride through the scenic forested mountains passed with everyone else exchanging light-hearted banter (even Sasquatch was offering the occasional comment), while I remained silent, contemplating what might be going on with her.

**********

We arrived at the campsite shortly after noon. The spot the original Bruces had chosen was well enough out of the way that we couldn't see any other campers, or any other sign of civilization, for that matter. It brought back memories of when my family would do things like this, when I was a kid.

It also turned out that I was the only former Boy Scout and I was officially designated the "chief fire builder." Seeing as everyone was getting hungry after the long drive, and a campfire was going to be our method of cooking, I got busy. Within just a few short minutes, the campfire was blazing, the upperclassmen Bruces were getting the food and drinks out of the vehicles, and I was left sitting in front of the fire with Jen.

I'm not sure how it happened. One minute I was building a fire, the next, just as I sat down, the Bruces parted like a sea, leaving Jen standing there, staring at me.

If it had been anyone else, I'd have been a bit unnerved by the gaze. But her eyes spoke volumes -- what looked like a mix of longing, sadness, and frustration -- as they rested on mine. That short moment felt like an eternity, especially after waiting a whole week to talk to her. A small smile formed in the corner of her mouth, and then something that completely surprised me; she winked.

Did I really just see that? She winked? What the actual fuck? What did that mean? No contact, no talk, practically avoiding me and... a wink!?

But I didn't have time to think about or analyze it, since the rest of the Bruces seemed to flow back into place and began distributing all the food and utensils.

That enigmatic smile, the wink (imagined?), and anything strange that may have transpired in that short moment was still on my mind as all the Bruces, in typical Bruce manner, began to regale tales of old, quests of new, and all sorts of adventures in between.

Normally, I would have been enraptured by the stories and experiences of the others (they were a colorful lot, full of awkward and comical situations in abundance). But at that very moment, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her; Jen. The midget girl who had turned my world upside down and shown me feelings I hadn't thought possible -- and all of that in only a few months.

" --an. Dan. Dan." I thought I heard my name, and as I took my eyes off Jen, it was as if everything else came into focus. Every other set of eyes were on me now -- except hers -- with several eyebrows arched, many lopsided grins, and a particularly unreadable look from Jess.

Obviously, I had become the topic of conversation. But what was everyone talking about? And why the goofy looks? Was it because I was that zoned out? Or did they know? Could they know?