All Comments on 'Baxter's Plan'

well written & few errors. TOTALLY unrealistic of course, but it is just a story & it did have some humor in it.

GOOD JOB !

This story deserves a series that includes the twins friend Jenny and her mother Jessica getting fucked before the end of it. Maybe even some Domination and Submission with some exhibitionism with the brother as the Dom and the twins as the subs willing to do anything for their master, thrown in for good measure.

you switched points of view for a while. you jumped randomly from baxter's eyes to one of the girls just for a second, and then jumped out to third person and then back. you'll want to be more consistent. also, the giganto-dong and frequent referencing of which models the girls look like weren't necessary. i will say, though, that i enjoyed all the activities the three engaged in.

don't like how you switched between Baxter telling the story to third person telling it,

also 12 and a half inches Really Really Really

one more thing why would he use dildo's to fuck them 1st, when the whole idea was to get his 12.5" cock in there pussies and arses,I thought the whole idea was for Baxter to get his birthday presents from his sisters(must have been the dildo's 18th as well LOL) Don't see logic in using dildo's before cock if that's your dream,if it was me i fuck suck do everything till i'm spent then use dildo's,especially if i had a 12.5 incher

Yet another HUGE cock/unfeasibly hot blonde twin sisters story, did you really have to reheat the dregs of half a millon 'stories' just like this, is there no spark of originality in you? I can't score this drone, there's nothing to make it stand out from the general background noise of hot blondes v monster dick stories swirling around this site. Try harder next time.......

You might try something other than "Hi. My name is..." etc.

Think of something that will draw the readers into the story and make us want to read it.

Your idea is good but your presentation needs more work.

You didn't need to warn us this was a first attempt: It was kind of obvious. Lots of amateur mistakes (which have largely been identified already). If you plan to write any more, I'd suggest you listen to the complaints and criticisms, and learn from them.

There are reasons that people are complaining about this story. Ignoring the complaints and criticisms won't make those reasons go away.

Please, either demonstrate some improvement with your next story (if there is one) or don't bother.

Give us a break 12 1/2"? Could have stayed with the same story line left out the 121/2" cock and the large dildos and had a half way good story.

Since this was the first story I that I have ever written, I was definitely winging it. I don't know the rules of effective storytelling.

Quick question, why is it bad to switch the point of view? When I did it, I tried to make sure that the reader knew who I was switching to. (When I watch a movie or tv show, the camera isn't always planted on the protagonist for two hours.)

Sorry about the beginning but I literally just stared at the title for 2 hours trying to think of how to start this damn thing. I thought going the first-person route would be effective. When I was writing the story, I imagined that Baxter was breaking the fourth wall to talk directly with the readers.

As for the unrealistic cock size & super-hot twins complaint, I probably should have mentioned in the beginning that I was not writing my memoir or a historical account. My reasoning for the big cock was to have a surprise at the end. I think that's why I wrote more about their physical appearances. Now I know that huge cocks are a rarity but I have seen enough porn online to know that it's possible (John Holmes, Mandingo, etc.)

I have been reading the website for a couple months now & I can't remember a story that specifically mentioned a character with a double-digit dong. But in all honestly, I don't want to write a story about a guy with an average-sized cock that fucked his fugly twin sisters or a neighbor with flabby boobs & a slight paunch. (FYI, the guy in my new story also has a huge wang, but I made him 6' 5" to make it slightly more plausible.)

I was trying to write something that I thought would be hot. I will try to do a better on my second story.

One more thing, I was serious when I wrote that everyone should do a Google image search of Helga Lovekaty. That chick's body is ri-goddamn-diculous!!!

I took the story for just what it is as a first. = Fun time.

Writing in something that's not typical is fine.

Writing into a story ten things that are not normal

takes the readers perspective into the absurd and

unrealistic zone and draws out the critics.

When writing keep in mind some readers are

reading on the fly. ie. at work or traveling, cellphones

& tables haven't time to decipher which character

view points.....

Try sticking with 3rd person as much as possible.

Was really wild to read a story derived from where I live.

I'm from Fort Myers and am In the Sarasota area often. Now I have something to look for and if I ever see a set of blonde twins I will forever wonder if it's them. Good job!!!

I hope you read this Mello and any other commentator. Ignore the retarded haters who left comments about your story being amateurish and lame or whatever they said. This was a fun read and decently written, without spelling errors and only a few common grammatical mistakes. I agree it is cartoonist. That is part of why I liked it. It was still quite titillating and i am sure many people will enjoy this story. After all are there not plenty of unrealistic pornographic cartoons and live action porn films that consistently are liked and sell out. I know for sure that I have read stories here where there was 2-3 foot cocks etc and seen the same in hentai. I say read/watch and smile, laugh, enjoy, be entertained and most of with any good sex story be titillated.

Word of point of view. This was the root of your grammatical errors and will drive the English majors nuts, however, wont seriously bother the rest of us much. There several points of view you can use when telling a story and i recommend any and all of them. There is obviously first person where the story is told as experienced by the main character, third person where the story is told from the view of an unknown, unseen observer watching the action unfold. These two are the most commonly used and what is consistently used in movies and video. Let's add second person where a known observer who is part of the story is relaying the your story. Omniscient pov where you take the audience everywhere including inside the heads of the characters. Finally there is first and third person interactive or 4D as you called it where obviously the narrator interacts with the audience by speaking to them or even supplying activities for them like you did in the beginning. The are many fine examples of this in children's shows; especially learning programs. You started first person went interactive then changed fully to third person. It's in the nouns and pronouns. For this story I would have stayed in the first person. That doesn't mean that the entire movie features no one but your main character to put it in your terms, however, for a story this short and focused there was no need the change POV. You only developed one character with two supporting characters. The other characters mention were only extras like they use in movies to add depth and plausibility. So the advice is if you are going to keep your characters cast small stick to one POV. On other hand if you choose to expand your story (and I hope you do) a change in POV would be appropriate as you develop more characters and add more scenes.

Overall congratulations on your first story. Hope there are many more to come and remember enjoy yourself.

12 1/2 internet inches!

Damn, you have gone and done it, I am now a fan of Helga LoveKaty. Oh! man what a beautiful woman.

Ah! the story. Well written, pretty reasonably well thought out. I have to agree to a point, 12 and a half inches!!!!! Hell I think he is my twin brother, just kidding.

Looking forward to the next story.

Thanks

Len

Very Nice First attempt.. I think you also left plenty of opening for a part 2 with perhaps your student down the street and her mother if she's that hot And maybe the twins in the mix as well...Keep up the good work.

Let me set the stage for you. My girlfriend is a ladyboy from the Philippines. I am neither straight nor gay. I consider myself tri-sexual, as in i have no interest in being with men or women, only transsexuals. However, this story was quite entertaining and i very much enjoyed it. There were a few errors in switching back and forth from first person to third person dialogue. Over all, i definitely enjoyed the story. An absolute A for effort.

Interesting story with sequel potential, but shifting back and forth between 1st and 3rd person is distracting.

very good story i really like the big cock part and dont listen to these idiots who complain about it being unbelievable.the reason i prefer reading erotic stories rather than watching porn is i can fantasize that im the the guy in the story and i dont know bout anyone else but im not hung like a horse so i like to live through those characters it makes it worth reading.i also enjoyed the getting even with his sisters part its always nice to see justice prevail hehe anyway keep up the good work and dont be afraid to keep up with the large equipment it is fantasy after all..

Do you not understand what camel toe means?

Yes, the cock is unusually large and the sisters just a little unbelievable. However, Baxter needs more story as he has only done this one time and he is promised more by his sisters. Not to mention the friend down the street with her hot mother needing fucked also. And why did no one mention Baxter's mother? She was pissed with hubby and might want some attention from the monstercock. 5 stars for the story and hoping you keep going

But leave it in first person. And the enormous dick didn't help either. And your main drive was to help the sisters get an orgasm. And they both wanted the brother to have Sex with them. Not to be directed like they were in a porno. The second sister could have just used the strap on and the brother would have no purpose there at all. .

You said Lex Steele had a bigger cock he is 9.5" and the biggest was John Holmes at 9.75". Don't think anyone other than maybe a horse has a 12.5" cock. You can just state has a big cock and leave out the inches. Just like people say she has 32E tits and others that are skinny with 38DD tits could not be skinny or even thin at 38" chest. could just say had DD or large tits will work even better and let the reader make up the size.

For those that didn't like it because of Baxter's unrealistic 12 1/2 inch cock, I would like to introduce you to Jonah Falcon.

Jonah is a 42 year-old actor from New York with a very large penis. Nine inches when flaccid, 13 1/2 inches when fully erect. Do a google search if you don't believe me. He's been on Howard Stern, Huffpost, etc.

Great first story. Keep up the good work and please keep this series going!

Great first story, I will look for the next one!

If it was, Alexa & Talia would have beaten Baxter to death and dumped his body in the Everglades. But then the story would have been two thirds of a page long and not very titillating.

Did you get super-pissed when Dan Brown revealed that the Holy Grail was a French chick?

Baxter and the way he got even with the "evil" twins lol.

can't wait to see if you have anymore Baxter stories.

and if 12 1/2" is too big how about all of the Big 10"s

It would make great sense if he forced the sisters to help him seduce his mom.

Great story, I hope to see many more.

I was leaning towards exploring the neighbor girl & her mom if I continued with Baxter's storyline.

My second story that I'm almost done writing involves two 18-year-old best friends named Mariella & Lexi along with Mariella's father, Marco.

I'm setting the whole thing in the 3rd person this time (after reading the comments from this story). Marco will have a huge cock though. But I made him 6'5" with a 10.5" wiener to make it slightly more plausible.

Waiting for chapter two!

You definitely have to keep on adding to this story!!!! I cannot stress that enough!

I'm looking forward to hearing about the petite girl nextdoor and how the sister's help him get with her!

It's called, "Mariella's Secret". Check it out if you liked my first story! Here's the link:

http://www.literotica.com/s/mariellas-secret

The plotline was enjoyable and a lot of fun! However, as others have mentioned, the highly unrealistic cock sizes and dildos was an instant turnoff, hell to be honest all of the stories on here where the chicks have huge tits is a fucking turnoff :/. Even a big guy porn star that has a huge dick cant really get a decent hardon, most of them are forced to use their hand to feed the damn thing. Kinda sad really... A short guy would prolly pass out from blood loss :)

Meh anyway nice first run anyway, thanks for posting.

more than slightly unbelievable but what really turns me off is a guy doing anal without a condom & then either fucking or deep throating his partner without REALLY cleaning his penis.

"My reasoning for the big cock was to have a surprise at the end."

I assume that you mean when it is revealed that his cock isn't as scrawny as the rest of him?

If that was the point giving him 8 1/2 or 9 inches would accomplish exactly the same thing and be a whole lot more realistic, since 8 1/2 " is 33% larger than the high end of normal (5.2 - 6.2 inches) As for those who you put forth with real life 11 or 12 in dicks, yeah they exist, but never really get hard, do they? Johnny "Wad" Holmes couldn't just line up and push, he had to hold the mid section so it wouldn't buckle, didn't he?

And I have to agree that having either a dildo or a real cock go directly from ass to pussy to mouth is just wrong. The health issues are too big to ignore.

As for those that comment on grammar, spelling and composition, get used to it. There are not a lot of us here on Lit, but enough that you WILL be called for errors. If you have any aspirations as a writer, you should take all of the comments to heart. Even a short stroke story reads better when written properly :-) (And yes, your POV switch was not clear at first. )

JohnnyGalt,

You seem to be extremely opinionated about what does & does not make a good story. Then I noticed that you have not submitted any stories of your own.

You kinda remind me of Roger Ebert. He had no problems tearing movie makers films apart for years and yet he wrote, "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" a complete pile of shit.

Your opinions mean less than nothing to me and until you post your own story, we would all be better off if you shut your damn pie-hole. And according to the consensus I got on the forums, getting 119 favorites for my first story is friggin' amazing.

Blooding amazing screw the critics (lol) this story was amazing. I've never bothered posting even fir my favs, and I've read ALOT but this one was by far the best and yes it's an unlikely size but ffs get over it that was one part overall it was incredible! I'm actually a little shaky now. ;)

~Random young Auzzie gal

I'm glad my huge first story broke your commenting cherry. Thanks for the positive comments. If you loved this story, you'll probably love my second story as well (Mariella's Secret). Also, I posted my third story recently. It should be out in a couple days so keep an eye out! It's called:

5th Anniversary to Remember

PS. What does ffs mean?

You're story was amazing!! I've read hundreds and this story is one of my top tens! This story was so awesome. This should be made a movie!

Really enjoyed this story any twins want to get together lmao ? Congratulations didn't have twin sister had two beautiful sister but truthfully never had any inkling to have sex with either But think my younger brother who was 3 years younger then me popped the oldest one a couple of times. Never saw it but did come home from work one day and they were jumping around pretty fast. Good work keep it up.

Absolutely GREAT story....... Would love to see this story go on further.......

Please bring about more of this story.

They were all good stories and I gave them all 5 Stars but I'm having a hard time trying to decide which was the best one, for fucks sake... ;-)

I finally decided that Accidental Text and Baxter's Plan are both tied for #1.

I just wish real life had been like these stories.....

wow that was awesome reading and I had to play with my hard cock until I came

It looks like Baxter likes Alexa more than he like Talia

Dude fucking sequel it would be legendary

Your story was fine I guess for those who are into fucking tits and asses.Doesn't do much for me ask amnot into giant tits humping breasts or anal.The tall girls are alright I guess but not really my bag .All that said I appreciated your effort and would like you to continue writing. Thanks.

would like to hear more of him fucking his sisters. he definitely needs to fuck the girl he is tutoring & her mother too. kinda wish you would of had him fuck the mother of the girl he is tutoring before he fucked his sisters. especially since he went to tutor the girl & she was gone which left the mother alone. pretty sure if he would of showed the mother his cock she would of been his first. he could of used what he learned from her to use later on her daughter, his sisters & his sisters' friends. plus maybe get his own mother in on it. like have her either catch him fucking his sisters or her walking in on him drying off & she sees his impressive cock. plus im pretty sure with her being a mother. she is going to be curious onto why his sisters are being to nice to him now. just a suggestion.

This story contains many fetishes that i personally do not like. That being said, i have never read a story that was this good, despite my not liking a lot of the things done here. 5 stars, which you well deserve as the only author i have ever seen to take so many "wrong" things and make them right. Would LOVE to read a sequel involving the girl he tutors. Your description of her make her sound extremely sexy.

more chapters needed

Five star please do a second store to this love it all

I want more of thus

One of my favorites. Can't wait for the next one

GREAT STORY, WRITE A FOLLOW UP TO THIS STORY

Make the second one to where he fucks the girl he tutors and her mother along with both of his sisters but they fuck mom while he's fucking her daughter in front of her.

This story is the biggest bunch of bullshit - in the first degree!!! For this author to come up with such a concoluted bunch of crap is beyond description. I would have thought that the main character was going to come up with a very clever plan to seduce and make passionate love to his two beloved, beautiful twin sisters and not to coerce them into submitting to rape and degenerate sexual abuse. In a word - BULLSHIT!

Yes, I looked the description up and x's it by 2. ;), BTW! I lived in Sarasota so the "Gulf breeze" thing was a nice add on. All in All (sorta, hehe) Great story!

I WILL FUCK UR FAMILY'S ASSES UP

i think it needs a sequel. but keep it in the family, no outsiders.

have you noticed how the ones that call an authors writing bad are all "anonymous"? they have probably never written anything except their stupid comments

12 1/2 "lets be real, 17 years old and a cock like that. This one's only for dreamer's. not a bad read but 12 1/2 .Thanks

Sorry, it was all right, but only all right. The domination of the sisters' asses was just a bit much. And come on... a twelve and a half inch cock?????

There is a lot more to porn than rough ass domination and a huge cock.

Why on earth would he even want to have sex with the two bitches? Regardless of his social and sex life, lowering himself to engage in sex with the two bitches is absurd.

Don't pay any mind to the naysayers---Just write what you like. Many of us just appreciate the imagination and time you put in to making this. Thank You.

nice enough and hot story.

although one little detail I am certain youu got wrong.

The best position for Deep throat blowjob is not doggystyle.

Lying on her back so that the head is hanging off the edge, that will give you the desired effect.

Yeah, I love Marvel movies, the ultimate in make believe but this was way to much bullsh#t to continue reading.

I absolutely loved this story

You have a deliciously naughy mind, and a gift for writing. Will you marry me?

A runt with a horse dick, NOT! pathetic