All Comments on 'Beach Bum'

Steve Jobs, Saudi princes, Google CEOs etc because they cost millions to operate each year and you want us to believe that this schlub can afford one and still not find "true love"? Really, there are countless women who would fawn, dote, and generally sell their souls to be a part of that lifestyle so spare us the "poor me" bullshit. As a exult of not even getting this simple piece right, I give you a one and bid you good day.

I said "Kiss my ass, sir!"

dumb shit.

Maybe better in non erotic or fetish than L.W.

Not much good going here..

Fair points made by Anonymous. Mainly, Howard never wanted to be like Mr. Hefner, no matter who was willing to throw themselves at him. I will say that he obviously didn't just sit on his parent's inheritance though. Thanks for reading!

It is a convoluted tale but you kept it together. Because of anonymous commenters I gave it a five to overcome their low marks. To all the negative anons out there remember that these stories are FICTION. BTW try to write your own story. In mega yacht world 140 feet length is no longer the top. Take a look at Moran Yachts.

As an editor/beta reader, I am obviously prejudiced, and liked this a lot.

I will be commenting here on specific things as I go through the final version.

"when I tried to go down on Ellen, she stopped me and hurried me to just climb on and get it over with" - While I, and he, certainly don't excuse his cheating, it's sort of funny how many LW cheating wives use a dull love life as an excuse for cheating.

"Now you listen here, you're a good man, and as long as our spouses never find out, it'll never hurt them," - We wouldn't let a cheating wife get away with that illogic, and neither should he.

"She had lost the will to fight" - I can understand that vis-a-vis her marriage, but she had a daughter to think about. Obviously it's needed for the story, but she could have fought and still lost. My bad for not thinking of that when beta reading!

I'm a little puzzled why it was so hard to find Clarissa. I assume she didn't go off the grid?

Um, he IS a multi-millionaire!

This is fundamentally a very good, sad, but well done short story. You write well and have a good imagination in developing this story. It is a sad theme but "happy ending" of sorts. In this case it is the husband who screwed up and did "the dirty" and paid the price for his mistakes. It resulted in a long restitution and pain.

You did a good job and keep up the work.

Tiny Tim

Fairly well written! Keep it up.

Yesterday a story was published here called "Castaway" since this story was published right after, and claimed to be a follow up to "Castaway", I thought this was a follow up to that. Now I see you have an older series of the same name. But still a good tale. 5*

Hindsight, I too saw that story and had already submitted Beach Bum for release over the weekend. Not much I could do about that...

FYI, I have deleted one comment about this story (the personal attack on another user).

In general terms, I have a lot more planned for this cast of characters. I wanted there to be a central place for them all to meet and hang out, so the bar they now own, Beach Bum, is that place. This story also served to tell Howard's story.

Thanks to everyone that has read and commented (good or bad).

RNebular

Sorry I sent comment via feed back. Lol.

@sbrooks, I totally agree with you.

@Anon, 140 yacths are common and run between 100 and 150k a year for the slip. Hookup and maintance fees depending on the marina or club for live aboards. Well within the range of someone with 100mil in the bank.

@ mebular Redemption and Forgiveness, Thank you. This was one of the hest stories in the last two weeks.

BH

It sounded like Howard's first marriage was having intimacy issues is how the affair started.Office romance leads to bad consequences most of the time. Both marriages fell apart after subtle separation. Spending quality time with spouses negates a lot of negative forces in our lives.

Liked your story and I could feel that pain your were trying to convey. It seemed real to me. Of course, who doesn't love Hawaii? If I could afford it, I'd take my wife and move there tomorrow.

Again, good story and thanks for sharing.

Santacruzman

I felt his pain, you killed that part of the story, but as a resident of Hawaii, i saw no part of my island home in the story. So a token 0.2 taken off, if it worked that way.

Since it doesn't, I gave it 5 stars for the writing.

but the end must play out, TK U MLJ LV NV

His life was full of pain and suffering from the time they disconnected. I am not sure that even with all this support he will feel redeemed.

I'm about 1/4 to 1/3 down the first page and all I know is that some guy named Howard is a pathetic obnoxious drunk. The only part of the story that keeps my interest is how this drunk manages to own and maintain a 140-foot yacht. Of course we assume by now that this drunk is drowning his sorrows over a cheating wife, and based on his intellect and personality he has so far displayed we understand why she might want to get away from this juvenile self-destructive bore. At this point I'm starting to skim just to discover if there is a plot worth pursuing.

"I still don't know what she saw in me . . ." Uh, I suspect it wasn't the size of his cock, nor his brain. OK, the poor dumb shit might be rich, but he's also really really stupid. At least its starting to make some sense. Stupid people tend to end up making bad marriage choices. Duh.

"We continued our office affair for nearly two years, before everything fell apart." Wow, great job. You made the main character look like a moron from the very beginning, and by this point all I care about is Ellen and Clarissa. They should be on the yacht and this asshole should be drowned.

I'm at the end of the first page and decided to go make some breakfast and see what else I need to get done today. This story is depressing, and why do I want to read anymore about some shallow selfish loser approaching 70 who destroyed his wife and daughter 25 years ago? I like to read while I eat, so maybe I'll see what's on page 2 then.

So, later, I've made it 1/4 through page 2, and I'm wondering what is the point of this mindless juvenile jocularity and repartee? He just buys a bar? I know he takes Advil for headaches, but I know nothing about who this guy is or why he's buying a bar or who all these employees are, and why should I care? The plodding and skimming continue . . .

By the end of page 2 I can tell you are using this bar scene reminiscing as the vehicle for the old drunk to slowly, sporadically, disjointedly relate his life story. A rather painful and tedious writing device, but that's your choice. Time to me to turn to page 3 and get this over with so I can cut the grass.

"When you got elected mayor of your home-town, I saved the newspaper clipping with the picture taken during your acceptance speech." That's where I started laughing. Could this get any more ridiculous? I'm about to find out.

So he's got 2 or 3 private investigators looking for his daughter, but when his daughter finally wants to reconnect, he can't be found? So this guy who wants to reconcile with his daughter and grand daughter never leaves a trail to that at least they can find him if they ever want to? Oh, I keep forgetting, you made this guy really really stupid. Almost as stupid as me for trying to make some sense of this absurd plot. My bad.

OK, you kind of wrapped things up and everyone is, what, OK now? He's 70 years old and wealthy, and owns a bar. Guess will never know. The overall style was tedious and melodramatic. And the whole plot lacked substance. He cheated, he got caught, wife died and daughter disowned him, him became a drunk, until he finally reconnected with daughter and granddaughter. How come the daughter abandoned her grandparents as well? How come Clarissa didn't have any more children? It was odd, all the details you thought were important, and all the details you left unanswered or glossed over. The whole Kathy subplot was really puzzling. What did that add to the story? He was already a drunk loser, so having a wife cheat on him, especially for such shallow cheap reasons, appeared to be a side plot looking for an excuse to be told. Or was this just some kind of Money Makes You Evil political jab? He was evil before he got rich, and the money apparently didn't make him any worse. I didn't get that part.

So its obvious this took a lot of work, but I found it specious and tedious. But I did finish it. Thanks for trying. Better luck next time.

After rereading the original series, I'm giving this a 4, instead of a 5, due to a lack of continuity. The following items varied from the originals: the name of Howard's yacht changed; how/where Howard and James met/how James found his boat changed; and the name of their favorite bar changed.

The story itself is excellent; had it mainained continuity with Castaway, I would stand by the 5 star rating.

I agree with some of your criticisms, particularly with the PI's. It's a safe assumption she didn't go off the grid, so finding her should have be piece of cake for any halfway competent PI.

I don't fault him for not leaving a trail. He was in grief and was so totally convinced that she never wanted to see him again that it never occurred to him.

As for the grandparents, remember, we're seeing this only through his eyes. He said IF she contacted his parents they never said. So he doesn't know that she did or didn't, doesn't mean that she didn't.

Why didn't Kathy have any more children? Why not? Many people have only one child. Also, how do we know she didn't?

I meant "why didn't CLARISSA have any more children?" My answer is the same.

Thank you for the very verbose feedback, I appreciate it! I could try to answer all of your questions and points, but will just leave you with this. He was a broken man, even before things started going badly for him. Also, he was NOT rich when he was on his own. He inherited their money much later in life. I'm pretty sure I spelled that out, but perhaps I wasn't clear enough. Honestly, I feel a little disappointed in myself for not catching the variations between Castaway and this one. I thought I had gotten the past straight, but obviously have a lot of room to grow.

Anyhow, thank you for the comments, and there will be more from some of these characters. I will likely pick up with more about Tanya and Clarissa, and eventually the other friends of James and Howard.

RNebular

You Sir are a great story teller. I read this story and then went back and re-read the Castaways series and it all came together as a great and emotional story. I hope you keep writing and I will read and enjoy.

I lost my wife to cancer 4 years ago and blame myself for not making her go to the doctor until it was too late. your story brought back the painful memories but also the woman I shared 28 years of my life with. The best years of my life

You are correct, sir! His parents were still alive when Ellen died and when Clarissa took off.

I like that you picked another character from your Castaway series and explained his history.

This was a good ending to Howard's story.

I stopped reading Castaway with chapter 3. James crash made a perfect ending to the suffering. Mine not the protagonist, lol.

Gave you 3*s rnebular. You earned it😅.

Thanks .

AMerryman

Okay, it was a bit rushed but filled in most of the missing pieces. One little niggle though, in chapter 5 of Castaway you wrote that James met all of Tanya's family. That didn't seem to be the case in this story. There was another possible story line you could have used if James had twigged that Tanya was Howard's granddaughter and had decided to bring all three generations together for some healing.

There's still a lot of stuff in these 'hawaii' stories that i never see in real-life Hawaii (manini things, but they just take me out of the story), but that story did lend flesh to the bones of this one.

Thanks for the offering.

I kept expecting to find out he had met his granddaughter, without knowing who she was. Wouldn't have been a scene to have his daughter show up, to find her daughter sitting on grandpa's lap. Of course the granddaughter would have to be pregnant for the effort to be complete. Now that would have been an interesting family reunion.

I liked your story better.

Did NOT see that coming. LOL

On Tanya, let's just say we believe she wasn't having any sex with anyone the day James walked into her house. Let's just say. Still not thinking I would marry or even live with a woman I found lounging around naked in front of a bunch of her friends.

think you know as much as you think you know about yachts

to Anon 10/17

Damn Man, looking at some of your other reader comments I wonder if we read the same story. A story written from the heart. A lot of sadness and mistakes made in life but still surrounded by faithful friends. Wonderful ending. Also great editing from your editors. Thanks.

Thank you for posting Howard's story....Castaway was great, and this was the perfect finale to that series.

burn in fire and brimstoney

1 star

To me Howard felt different in this story. I didn't see (or maybe remember) him being kind of grumpy in the Castaway stories but in this one he kind of felt that way most of the story.

I did like getting his back story and in Castaway i thought he was going to be related to Tanya but then it never came up so I figured i was wrong ;)

Thanks for the tale and hope to see new things from you.

thank you for this story i love when there are back stories on separate characters, but remember to keep James and Tanya heavily involved in the story line, keep em coming mate

WHAT ELSE CAN BE SAID AFTER EXCELLENT?

I was trying to figure out Howard’s connection with Tanya, but then put it off as multi-multi-millionaires being sorta strange attractors. Wow!

James’s character here seems very different from the James in “Castaway”. I’m not sure if that’s a fault in writing, or a brilliant picture on how we see ourselves versus how others see us.

Like a few others I really didn't see that one coming . With very rare exceptions, you do some really great work. This is one of those great ones.

Tanya his grand-daughter is a twist I never saw coming.... Some damn good writing!

/

Hooyah, salutes...

Very well written story that I totally enjoyed⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Very good story and plot, told without the "drag" of the previous series, "Castaways". Truly deserving of 5*s.

What a vast improvement on"Castaway", not the plot but in the development. 5*s.

Great story, different from most of the content on this site. I was moved at the remorse of the husband and wished for a little deeper dive into his mindset. 5* worthy!

More of "Romance" than LW but still a good story in either category.

Very nice story. Cleared up some loose ends...

Good story. Just wonder if most commenters would feel the same.way if Ellen and Howard had switched roles..in other words the wife cheated and thr husband died miserable and broken from say prostate cancer, and Ellen was estranged from say her son? Sadly I think the BTB trolls would be out and say Ellen would get her jsut desserts when her second husband cheated on her. Oh well jaut a thought. Personally I though it was a well done story. Sad so long her and Clarissa were apart. But he broke her heart with his betrayal and the loss of her mother, with her feeling (wrongfully so) that Howard didn't push enough to get her mother into treatment for her advanced breast cancer. That is what broken trust does.

Was it ever explained why Clarissa suddenly showed up, demanding to see her father? Did she figure out that he was her daughter’s benefactor right before that?

Too bad. So sad. Don't cheat. Tanya connection to Howard was interesting reveal. Thankfully Howard got that prenuptial.

Good story. Timeline messed a bit when Clarissa met James here, when an earlier story having her meeting him in Nebraska, but excellent story.