All Comments on 'Becoming Just Another Family Ch. 01'

One of the least erotic stories I've ever read. Ryan promises to give Rachel a truly "wonderful" first time - supposedly unlike she'd get from any other guy - and then turns out to be EXACTLY like those 'other' guys. I suspected it was going to happen that way, the moment he came out of her closet and offered her 'a birthday fuck,' but I read on, hoping it would get better. It didn't and, by the time I got to the end of this pathetic, one-star story, I was mentally cursing this author for his having wasted my time.

And, before anyone pulls that "let's see YOU write a story" bit, I've already done that, quite a few times. I'm just posting this comment anonymously so the author doesn't try "one-bombing" my work to get revenge for my daring to call a spade a spade!

The story was hot in concept, but by describing the brother the way you did it just pulled me right out. It’s like you took 1995 douchebag male fashion and wrote an incest story around it.

You suck at this first off you make him say it will he special and it wasnt and you claim iits the first chapter but a chapter is more than one page so you should just give up

Then out of nowhere she admits to seeing many boys and having given many hand jobs and blow jobs.

Would have been better with few hand jobs no blow jobs.

Still have here parents catching her was a good story. Can't wait to see what happens in the next story.

I hope Ryan and her continue making love.

Ryan does care for his sister and he is accurate, She deserves to have a good first time.

Douchebag gets a pass because he is her brother and she loves him. Any other writer would use his description and attitude as the douchebag asshole antagonist in their story. Pull up your jeans, cut that disgusting rat claw and cut your ridiculous rat tail. What a fucking joke as one of your main characters.

I read through the other comments before writing this. I agree with most if not all of the negative things that were written. I gave you a 3, but I may have been overly generous. Your portrayal of her brother leaves me scratching my head. This is a first person narrative from a girl in love, but she doesn't describe anything of value about her paramour. There's nothing attractive about the loser at all. He's a POS and his actions reinforced that perspective. Epic failure.

"Becoming Just Another Family Ch. 01:" Eighteen Year Old Starry-eyed Virgin Sister, Rachel and Twenty-six Year Old Rambunctious Brother. Ryan.

Right off, I'll agree with most of the previous six (6) comments, although I do have empathy for Sister Rachel for being in love with such a so-far loser brother. Being greatly fond of father and daughter love, romantic and sensual feeling between the male and female incest lovers, I find it difficult to connection in any way with brother, Ryan and his choice of dress, personal appearance and life style. He's not a great choice for the male character lead nor the role that he portrays.

I'll read--or at least scan--another chapter (page ?) or two (2) while hoping that good things happen...for Ryan in particular, and for Rachel and her parent's discovery of her being found out by her parents.

"Becoming Just Another Family Ch. 01:" - Eighteen Year Old Starry-eyed Virgin Sister, Rachel and Twenty-six Year Old Experienced Brother, Ryan.

Although--today being early November 18, 2021--I first read this chapter 01 "about 1 month age" my impressions now are similar to those when I previously read the story. The parents bedroom must butt-up against Rachel's bedroom, and maybe with thin walls; the parents got to her locked door quickly twice, first her father knocked and was okay with Rachel's response, and several minutes later when both parents knocked and demanded entrance!

There is nothing worse than interruptus coitus, especially for a sister, in the midst of losing her virginity to her twenty-six year old, experienced brother!

Brother Ryan promised to make Rachel's "first time" as pleasant as possible; I doubt that happened, but she has no prior point of reference so maybe nothing she'll anguish about. Ryan, a lucky sumbitch to get out with all his organs attached, is one horny sibling. Neither sibling mentioned anything about "protection" and, neither did their parents nor Rachel, after their father's venture chasing, but not solidly identifying the (Ryan's) "gettaway car!"

This story is fairly well written, both in character conversations, and not an immense amount of errors/spellings.

Not only was there no discussion about pregnancy protection (which I would love if she happens to have been impregnated), but almost as bad there was no foreplay whatsoever!! Had there been foreplay--a BAD move to not having foreplay before every coitus/sexual happening--the siblings would not have been caught with the, so-called, "pants down" nor cum/blood stains on the bedding.

I see potential here with future writings of 'datura48' sorta like an aging process. We'll see.

I could have sworn I read this story a long time ago, and it clicked as soon as I checked datura48's other works, including one story I have bookmarked as one of my favorites. For that reason, I grant this work 5 stars. Beautiful premise and execution!

the Dum as didn't think about knocking her up