All Comments on 'Behemoth Pt. 03'

You're internal dialogue and turns of phrase are wonderful. I'm becoming increasingly eager to read actual sex between them.

Reading this chapter the only thing I could think about was... what happened to her injured ankle? Did he wrap it? Is it the one under the ankle cuff? I wondered why it wasn't mentioned more in their brawl in the previous chapter as well. Great story so far but you are leaving little loose ends and not bothering to tie them up which can be annoying to a reader.

So I was really enjoying this story. I like the two points of view. However, its just starting to be a story of moments and his abuse on her without an actual story taking place. You're not moving the story along with dialogue or action. It's kind of like in stasis for two chapters.

I received some information from them being at the club and how they met but now there's all these loose ends and nothing to tie them to. I enjoy reading your writing but, in my opinion, more dialogue and moving forward the plot to something we recognize as a story will make this a great story!

Hi everyone!

I've been hearing from a lot of you that the story is starting to get choppy or feeling like pieces instead of continuous, and I totally agree. When I started posting about Lu & Behemoth, I was in the beginning of a novel about the two (it's called Beholden--The Behemoth Duet) and because it was the beginning I could post snippets of the book and they made sense because the plot hadn't developed very far.

Now I'm 107 pages into their story now and a lot of plot/character motivation has developed outside of the non-con scenes, so when I copy & paste them from the story at this point in the book they don't make as much sense as they did at the beginning. I don't really know how to fix that, because about 90% of the book is non-sexual and everything I've been copying & pasting is from the 10% that is sexually explicit. All I can think of is to come back to it at some point and tie the sex scenes together into something that is more full-on short-story erotica and less dark romantic suspense.

I don't mean to let you down--I just hadn't anticipated this problem when I began writing.

Thanks for reading XXXOOOXXX

When you said there will be a book, I about died with joy. While I agree that it does seem a bit chopped, your explanation makes perfect sense as to why. I, however, am hooked on reading this, not solely because of the sexual nature, and non-con, but because of your story telling, and the raw chemistry that is so obvious between them. I would, without any doubt what so ever, read the book. In fact, I would absolutely love to know more, when you get to the point of being able to release the full story. How you plan to publish, what the cost will be, so forth. I think your detail, inner dialogue, and story telling are fantastic. Please do keep us posted!

I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying it! I haven't got any more non-con scenes to post (yet!) but here's the story in gifs: https://tinyurl.com/yawppuch

I hope you giggle as much watching it as I did making it.

Cheers,

Alecia

Okay I'm sorry. I have been reading and enjoying this but had the exact problem you mentioned - it felt disjointed and like I was reading out of order and with no proper context. And you're saying that's because you're writing a story and only posting the sex scenes and bits immediately surrounding them??? I don't understand why you would do that. You're doing yourself and your story a disservice by doing that. You do get that you don't have to just post porn scenes here right? Like. Most of the top stories here are stories that have, you know, a plot and a slow burn and a lead up and an actual story? Women don't get off reading straight sex scenes we want the background the story the understanding of who these people are. How can the noncon stuff be that hot if we don't have all the other stuff first? You're a chick and you're writing the rest of the story not only the sex scenes so you clearly get that. So I'm really confused here. If I'm misunderstanding and you're just posting a few bits because you want to feel out how people take to a story you're writing or something then I'm sorry and please proceed. But if you're only posting sexy times bits and not the rest because you think no one will want to read the rest then you are totally mistaken. Go check out Bloodsong, The Rebellious Slave, and the other good HOF noncon stories written by girls here and you'll see what I mean. Anyway good luck and apologies if I've ranted at you and not understood what you were saying the whole time. I really hope I am not mistaken though because I would like to read this story as a whole. I think it would be worth it. That is what will make your sex scenes hot.

I heard about retribution but nothing is explained.

Please let us know!! I would totally purchase it! Can't wait to read the next installment