All Comments on 'Best 18th Birthday Present Ever'

im guessing this is a aussie submission

I hate anonymous bad reviews -- pussy! I think you started out good, but I started noticing the same words used over and over. He began, she began etc. Also, it's odd but the writing at the end almost reads like you were not quite to orgasm yourself. Everything happens too quickly with no mention of how either felt at that moment. Just "warm inside, then scooping up some jizz then dad coming thru the door.

Take your time and enjoy creating these fantasies. Then once you finish, set it aside for a bit before reading thru it again and refining it. Do this a few times and the story will start to gel. I look forward to your next story!

You hate anon reviews, huh? Did you ever stop to think that some of these anons don't have accounts here? Or maybe they don't want to post using their username?

I don't post with my username anymore because I got tired of assholes spamming my inbox criticizing me for being critical. The inability to deal with criticism is a sure sign of immaturity.

That said, it irritates me to see writers using apostrophe's instead of quotation marks for dialog. It's pure laziness. Don't give me the song and dance of that's the way they do it in the UK. I know plenty of UK authors who don't do that.

You hate people being anonymous? Then stay the fuck off the internet, newbie. You're like someone who moves next to an airport and then complains about the noise.

Best thing you can do is use what this site offers . Get someone to proof read and edit for you .Don't let the feed back get to you . Good luck and keep writing you will only get better with practice .

For a very well written story.

I enjoy reading stories by Writers who leave out the bull.

OH and I DONT read negative anonymous comments.

If you write negative comments have the hanging things to put your contact to it.

When I read something like this story I like to let the writer know personally

D.

But I have to raise a few points here. First off, the story felt quite rushed, as if you couldn't wait to finish it. Then comes the 6" stilettos, really? I'm not sure that the most accomplished hooker can wear those things. Beside, sis would have to buy them at a strippers supply shop. Finally, their first time sexual experience and her first experience with intercourse happens on the dinning room table? Ouch! Not really plausible. Doesn't the brother owns a couch or a bed? I make these criticisms to help you understand from a reader perspective what doesn't work well. I am likely more critical than many. I don't think it's a bad thing to expect more than the usual drivel one often find on this website. I'm sure you strive to be more than simply mediocre.

Good luck with your future writing adventures,

ansdguy

Wonderful job!! I loved the story and in the end I about shit my pants when the parents were walking in. Haha great cliffhanger there. You will have to write another story to top this one. :)

Thankyou for your story. I's great to read an Aussie story and so lovely written.

Pleas think about writing some more.

""

Adam gently guided his cock into her until he hit the thin wall of her virginity.

""

...uuuh, I don't think so! You just finished shoving three fingers up her twat, she doesn't have a hymen, jeez!! ...damn theres a buttload of uneducated/virgin authors on here! Well so far the story is pretty good other than that, though thats pretty huge since its the focus of the story :(

Great. Got me nice and hard and I came soon after. Lovely to hear these stories from a woman.

Loved it just wished it was longer. Keep up with the writing.