by PurpleParadise
Great story! You had good build up, followed by a logical progression. Your first sentence was a run-on, so check that, but in total, good job! You have talent, and I hope you'll keep writing :-)
I like how the sex scene makes a good portion of the story.
Nice build-up. Nice straightforward sex, if a bit "by the numbers" (BJ, eating her to orgasm, multiple positions, etc. etc.)
Write more of the story. The party's still on downstairs: what happened? How did he get so good at sex if he's a virgin? Give Em more dialogue so we get into her head.
For me, I like the women more realistic. Read a few women's stories & get a feel for what they really like.
And watch the too-long sentences. Cut them up (written English has much shorter sentences than spoken). Keep writing!
I think your story was spot on. First time, yea you will most likely go by the book I assume, and even virgins practice. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you don't have skills.
As for the below commet, totally agree thank you :) may not be physically experienced but mentally i'd say more experienced than alot hehe
The story is bland at best, if it was big tits and dicks we wanted, people here would on pornhub instead. Put some heart into it alright? Not just a description, but feeling.