All Comments on 'Best Intentions Ch. 03'

No! This just makes me want to cry. My husband is in grad school right now and it is such hard work, all I end up with from this story is that her life has been ruined and all her hard work flushed away. Grad students lose their teaching fellowships and funding so easily. I love the slave idea but pick a protagonist with a boring life, or a dead end job. I'm taking this way to personally, I need to go have some coffee and chill out.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, KindAsCake and Whackdoodle!

@KindAsCake - I try to choose interesting protagonists. I understand not wanting to watch all of their hard work go to waste and see their lives wrecked. But part of the point of the story is to get an emotional reaction, and someone with a lot to lose will be far more interesting than someone that's flat or purposeless. Thanks for letting me know that it was intense for you!

@Whackdoodle - I established the method elsewhere, and knew there was a danger in bringing the stories here with this one first. The others just aren't nearly good enough yet and will take longer to get ready.

That said, the element was brought in on purpose, not out of laziness, to establish that the covert control was not fully working on Bailey, that Tatiana has other pressures, that Bailey would run from that type of overt control, that Tatiana was going to make sure she was going to win, that there was more going on in this world than just interesting raspberry drinks, and so on... I knew there was a danger in bringing it into this story, that readers could find it trite or lazy, but I did it anyway to write the story I wanted.

Also, I'm sorry that I broke your suspension of disbelief. Mind control is a genre though where plenty of things that don't exist are consistently brought in, and I use some in my stories. I don't generally write ones like "50 Shades of Grey" that use cult manipulation techniques that actually exist, so some readers aren't going to like all of my choices. I'm sorry that I lost you!

Thanks!

Ive not been on this site long, but this was the best story ive come across so.far. seriously bravo. I liked pretty much all the decisions you have made. Characters are great. You dont get too hung up on explaining the method of control, instead we are always following biailey. Your pacing is good, sexyness to exposition ratio good. And most importantly general writing is good. I think a more ambiguous ending would have been interesting. hovering about the phone, desperate. Will she wont she type deal. The only other thing i would say is with paragraphing, try to separate each characters action and dialogue from anothers. But... Well... Nice work. :)

First two chapters were awesome but this whole: "she is all of the sudden a slave" doesnt go with where I wanted the story to go :( Sorry but I wont reed further.

I really liked the two first chapters, but the 3rd and last chapter did not go well with me (I generally like happy endings - no pun intended). Not really sure how I ended up reading this story either, but somehow I found it among the ff themed erotic stories and simply got sucked into it and couldn't let it go before I have read it through to the end, so your style of writing are so perfect that I after all am going to look up what else you have made.

But chapter 3! really?? it felt rushed and the last half of it felt wrong and didn't have the pace that the other two chapters had - pure melted butter of hotness, so it didn't feel right to end it like this. But as I said, I do prefer endings with happy unicorns and shiny rainbows, so with the feeling of a rushed ending and what I felt were a wrong turn in story, then I ended up not liking the ending, and I feel that it would have been much better story if you had given it a few more chapters where Bailey could help her sister and herself out from the perils that they were in.

Anyway, thank you for an interesting read in a genre that I normally don't read, so maybe I should take a look at what else I can find.