All Comments on 'Betrayal'

Good story but expect to receive nasty comments as some readers have simply no sense of humor.

How can she hold her head up and say she thought she had a loving marriage ,when at the first sign of a problem she immediately believed her hubby had wronged her. Will she own up and beg forgiveness then shoot her so called best friend. I very much doubt it, but she deserves everything that's coming to her including aids from her unprotected sex.

Need to finish the story

With a friend like Ann who needs enemies. No humor at all in this tale.

There was no ending, no resolution of the conflicts in this story. If this story was chapter one of several, then it should have been so-labelled. If it was satire, it fell quite flat with this reader.

Jen is probably pregnant by now, or has an STD, or both (oh wait, that stuff never happens in stories). How will Jeff like seeing their black baby? Some friend Ann turned out to be, breaking up Jen's marriage. Maybe Jen can keep everything secret and just live with the guilt, although I doubt it.

When they get to the club and Marcus grabs and hugs Jen, methinks she'll falter and not come up with a believable explanation. I think I can predict how Jeff will react when dumb cuckold that he is, he finally figures it out. If there is no "Part 2," then someone (Finishthedamnedstory, or some other author) needs to write one.

Not sure if the author hates men (for doing this to an innocent husband and making Jeff appear quite dumb), women (for portraying Jen as a shallow slut who acts without thinking or at least talking to her husband), or both. One star, for pissing me (and, I suspect, other readers) off.

This tale lacked all of the writing skill and satire that allowes writer's like JPB, Brittease and other top notch author's to pull off a tale of this sort. This could of been a good opening chapter to a longer story but on its own its rather meh.

"Scores would be much higher if you gave us your ending, or at least told us that an ending would be forthcoming.

Until u finish this with something original. Then 1 or 5. Can u pull it off?

It is one of he best short stories I've ever seen in this place and probably the most honest. Kudo x 2 x 100000. thanks.

Sorry but I won't rate it until you finish the story. This was a cop out and I hate when these stories stop like this. Why write a tale that you won't even finish and give a conclusion. How many people like to watch movies or here stories that don't have an ending? NOBODY!!! Finish the damn story!!!

1. Your writing style; be careful of your tense. You're constantly mixing past with present. It's annoying.

2. Originality; although it's true there are no new stories in this genre to be told, at least try to put a different spin on it. The story about the innocent housewife being tricked into adultery by her best friend has been done to death.

3. Finishing the story. The fact that there is no chapter # leads us to believe the story ends here? Except there is no end. Everyone thinks they're Alfred Hitchcock! Where is the background...why would her best friend do this to her.

Sorry, this story fails on too many levels to rate it any higher than a 2.

her friend Ann really set her up for a fall. She loses her husband and should shoot her so called friend . that is what you get for believing some else without finding out the truth..

now she is done. they are going to the cotton club,she better kill that idea before she walks out the door, her marriage is doomed. the word in all our lives is CHECK AND VERIFY..

And there is no reasonable explanation why Jen suddenly feels guilt and remorse when she no longer had any feelings towards Jeff. Her feelings would only arise if she loved her husband and she clearly doesn't. She wanted her revenge and then wanted his alimony check, so her emotional change isn't valid. She will have great sex with other men and his alimony check.

No explanation why Ann wanted to ruin her friend. That is as important as the fact that she did.

... it was a good premise, but needs back ground. Why does Ann hate Jeff and Jen enough to set this up? The only thing needed in a follow up would be an answer to that and revenge on Ann. Forget about getting Jeff and Jen back together that ship sails when they reach the Cotton Club. Panther Fan.

about friends vs enemies and the closeness, TK U MLJ LV NV

Please complete this story; it is worth it, I think. It needs a follow-up with some sort of justifying action as well as his wife and Ann are concerned. Please don´t leave

this story as it is...it feels incomplete.

Both bitches need to get badly burnt. Maybe Jen PG with a black bastard and Ann infected with fatal AIDS. Jeff, meanwhile, finds a worthy woman.

Definitely an "oh, shit" moment. Well done flash story.

in the hope that you keep it going, it seems very incomplete leaving it there.

Just another idiot author that can't be bothered to either write a complete story or post both parts at the same time. Since there is no score less than "1" that's what I gave it.

Great ending!

You could leave it here, it is a good story that provokes so many possibilities by so many readers with different perspectives; however...

Your version of a follow up would be interesting. Your characters so - leave as is or..............

Thanks and oh, BTW...I don't think he would fall out of love with her but I do think he could not find himself staying with her and besides...she admitted sex with Kevin was better than him and Jamal was way over the top.

Anne got her way, revenge on hubby for ignoring her and a fuck buddy to go shopping with...Bye Jen!!!

for posting half a story. Was this supposed to "tease" us?

when the story is complete.

Story!!!!!!!

But good old Ann will have a lot of photos and video to show Jeff. Why because she hates that Jeff wanted Jen not Ann. Jen also needs to learn her place as the minor side kick to Ann not the lead player in a happy marriage.

As I have said before "more people would be alive if the were just a little more paranoid" well in this case still married. How does it go now days "Because of Photoshop don't believe any photo you see" well lack of context was and is still true.

Oh well live and learn, acid wash Ann, and love and trust hubby #2.

What story was the name of the story where the hubby hired an old Japanese tattoo artist to do a number on the cheating couple's faces?

It was about betrayal. Not the husband Jeff's betrayal but the betrayal of Ann to her friend Jen. Also the betrayal of Jen to Jeff.

Great story *****

Why is it the women in these stories are always either bitches or stupid? She decides he's fucked another woman simply because Ann had a picture of him dancing and lied about it? Really? Apparently women are always retarded, while men always have a degree in criminal mastermind and get proof via a PI.

Wow. What a dilemma.

Is it well-posited? Not terribly, as several comments document. Why Sweetie's BFF would deliberately screw her over is not explained in a compelling fashion. BFF has to know, when the ship hits this sand, she will be outta Sweetie's life forever! Also, Sweetie would probably seek independent verification, since dancing with another woman, even sneaking around to do it, is hardly persuasive evidence in a 'divorce for cause' state. This Sweetie did NOT...shame on her cheating ass!

BUT, we are driving towards the Cotton Club (hangout for the perps). What to do? Two options ... BOTH start with "Stop and turn around. Go home NOW!"

1). clean, quick and cold. - Get home, go inside and tell Hubby he is history! Leave out the 'you cheater' part! Head out, but NOT to your sabotaging BFF bitch's place. Holiday Inn works just fine! Turn off the cell-phone. Don't communicate with Ex-BFF EVER again! Get a job tomorrow. Try to find a heavy-hung, less sleazy boyfriend! Does your town have a pro basketball team?

2). Iffy, but a little less disruptive - Tell Hubby "That bitch sabotaged me! She showed me pictures of you and PA, and told me you were screwing her! Then she got me drunk to calm me down, and brought in two of her fuck-buddies to seduce me...and I bought it! I was planning on leaving your cheating ass this evening, and now you will probably want to kick me out anyway, but I am very embarrassed for having believed her, and for allowing myself to take revenge against what I thought you were doing! If I could go back in time, I would drop the bitch a week before this all happened. If you can find it in your heart to give me another chance to show you my love, and improve my trust and respect for you, I promise I will never do anything to make you regret it!!

in either event, Sweetie needs to figure out SOME way to SuperGlue her BFF's labia minora together!

3*

You finish this story and use your ending. Lots of options, including some that have been offered in the comments, but none matter as it is your story. I think I will draft my own idea for my own amusement--it would not match a good writer's anyway. And I will still hope you do finish this one. Thanks, though, for your creativity.

True her distrust was the problem, but Ann set it all up...so what next...as happy as Jen was with all the sex and as dissatisfied as she seemed to be with Jeff's sexual performance there doesn't seem to be any hope for the marriage,,,how could she ever be happy with Jeff in bed, and how could Jeff ever trust Jen after she betrayed him.. So finish the story..consequences for everyone, but especially for Ann.

Sorry, but this plot has been used many times before, and the result was obvious from the first showing of the husband dancing. Not a bad story but the only old plot piece that was not used was the pregnancy one.

Reacting without any confirmation is pretty dumb. What happened to the privite eye's report?

dont be too impulsive...better ending would be : jen becoming a stripper and ann committing suicide...

How old is Jen? 18? Like all the other comments, there was no concrete evidence of Jeff cheating. Not one time did she confront Jeff or his secretary or at least go to his job on those nights he worked late. What did the P.I. uncovered?

I don't understand why Ann talked her into cheating. At first I thought Ann was in love with Jeff. Ann would have the evidence of Jen cheating to go after Jeff but that wasn't it.

This story needs to be wrapped up with Jeff getting revenge on Ann. He need to dump Jen since she didn't trust him and has no problem with having sex with different men.

While not as cliche as coming home early, this has been used before but I liked how you masked in malice until the end and then had him stumple on it. That said, if you are not gonna do another chapter, PLEASE turn this one over to F.T.D.S. as I think he could have some fun with it. Thanks!

Her first priority is to kill Ann.

she is stupit slut

1*

no friend would do that.. Ann screwed her over good. I think that Ann just

could not stand seeing Jen married when she failed twice in marriage. Jen

was stupid not checking out the facts and being a slut. what revenge does

anyone get by hurting themselves? just stupid actions in this tale.

what friend. If I was her id call Ann and tell that bitch I was goingt to kill her sorry ass when I found her for breaking up my marriage. Hello Ann I just now discovered that you lied to me and you are no friend of mine. if you know whats good for you you and your male friends will be at least two states away when I start looking. because I am going to shove a gun up your ass so far it will be at your tonsils when I pull the trigger then I will also shoot Marcus and whoever is with you. So just know you're warned. You are nothing but a no good bitch and if its the last thing I do I will get you back for fucking up my marriage' Id say if possible I will have you sold into slavery in Africa.Now what is she going to do to make this up to hubby I'd say she owes him a few good fuckis with some nice model material ladies don't you. Now finish the daamn story. That is if there is enough fucks for hom to forgive her especially after fucking a fucking NIGGE!!!! I'd rather she fucked a dog than a NIGGER

For some reason, yesterday's comment didn't show. I thought this was a decent story. It could stand on its own, or it has great potential for continuation. I hope this author tries to tackle the deeper emotions involved in cheating in his or her next submission. Keep writing.

and how about a second chapter, so we cab see all hell break loose?

............but I also would like to see another chapter or two or three or more. BUT you successfully made your point.

He lied and she got laid. Simple isn't it? You should never lie if you want to maintain a relationship! Once he saw Ann he should have taken the couple over to meet Jen and end the story right there.

I really do not understand why people get upset with stupid characters and open-ended stories.

Ann knew all about his plan. She took advantage of her friend. She should have to pay the ultimate price!!!! Yes, her life-it's only fair-she took a life (marriage) away and knew she was doing it while it was happening. The wife should be divorced and left desolate. And her two lovers should be sued for over $10 million a piece. That should make them work for shit the rest of their life. I think that's only fair.

Don't always take an accusation at face value. Do the research yourself before you do something you can't take back.

So now your question is answered.

'nuff said

You need to finish the story......bill

If you can't finish the story, please don't write anymore asshole.I gave you a minus 20. Please don't write anymore. Thank You.

I gave this a three due to the ending being incomplete and the reader left hanging wondering what happened.

I want more. Please continue.

There is going to be more to this story right? if not then why even write something just to leave it without any kind of decent ending. Your just like all these other wanna-be authors who start a story and have no idea or the talent to finish it properly. If and when you decide to finish this one maybe then it will deserve a rating, right now your no better than all the other suppose to be authors who have no idea how to write a really good story. And this would have been a good story in fact it was on its way to being a five star story.

The story is incomplete. Does he find out? How does he find out? What does he do? How about her parents? What happens to Ann, who obviously knew the real story? There needs to be a scorched earth policy dealing with her. Another story about a stupid cunt who doesn't get the entire story before she plans revenge. Very incomplete story.

I certainly see revenge coming,but not Jeff getting it,he'll just divorce the dumb twat.

Jen will be looking to burn Ann's ass for purposely ending her marriage!

And to really rub it in,she had to be set up with,you guessed it,a BIG-dicked jig-a-boo!

How many stories have we read where a single,slutty best friend leads a dumb friend to cheat on her husband?! Any husband who reads these stories is going to be prohibiting his wife from "Girls' Nights Out",drinks after work with her friends,going clubbing/dancing with girl friends,etc.

Do YOU know you wife's friends well? I mean,REALLY?

They run into Marcus at the Cotton Club and the shit hits the fan! Jeff just looks at her and leaves her there. She is served 3 days as her parents post her bail for assaulting Ann.She later and finds out she's pregnant with Marcus Jr. What a dumb twat!

With a btb ending. Oh and Ann deserves her own place in hell. Whatca coniving bitch.

Author can't be bothered to finish the story then I can't be bothered to vote.

To this trashy crap. LW women always jump to conclusions, and we already know what the revenge I'll be.

Too bad all the readers are just too damn stupid to appreciate it. I guess they never heard of irony and double blind endings.

Sees her hubby dancing and lets her friend turn her into a BBC slut. Kevin will be so lucky to get rid of the dumb slut. Wouldn't want to keep some one that stupid around.

Stop and ask

Deserves what she gets

Content no scenario overworked

3 stars for writing at least put in effort

Great story but you need to finish it. A part 2 at the cotton club.

She wants to be a slut? That's her choice. But I think her husband makes his choice and divorces her.

Linda needs an ending

It was her so-called friend who betrayed her. Something needs to happen to the friend.

And her friend

Brilliant. The ending was perfect. It may not be for those who lack imagination but for those who are intelligent enough to be able to think it was marvellous. Well done. 5 stars 🌟

And?

BUSTED!!!!!