All Comments on 'Better Mind'

I really liked the macho and dominant side of your main character, but wasn't the brainwash too easy? Maybe the magic pills could have been more difficult to obtain, or the girl more reluctant at first.

Very fair criticism. This one was written on a bit of a time crunch. Definitely not my favorite story, but there are parts of it I was pleased with. Your feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

I liked the fact you didn't interfere with her personality and her intelligence. Sometimes books are a little scary because they strip the person being controlled of everything. Trevor was a little creative for example making her dip her chest in the cold water was a pleasant surprise. A really visual moment.

Improvements: I would have said maybe add a little visual description. I don't know if its your style but maybe let the reader see a bit more

Good read 4*

And there is the problem with unintended consequences. She has no concept of right and wrong, if he told her told her to rob a bank because it would please him, would she? what happene when she is programmed to fuck multiple times a day and and as he grows older, isnt able to maintain that? Or they dont get married, what happens to her then?

And this leads to a real problem, how many men want a compliant, submissive partner for life? The answer? Not many and not for long.

Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate the comments and constructive criticism. This is my first mind control story. Your feedback helps.

DL

This was a good one, bit short but good. I like the concept that your Mind-Control Device doesn't reduce the subject to a drooling doll person, just creates new compulsions and personality adjustments, editing a personality.

It would be interesting to see Kamille inner thoughts while suddenly realizing she has this new eagerness to please.

I wonder if you think on continuing this one, could serve as an introduction to a larger story, giving that much power to a man in an actual relationship, a 3 way would be just the start, also the corporate scene holds potential too, maybe a new intern whose performance is lagging might agree to a new experimental performance enhancing program.

My only bit of crictism is that it is too short as others have said. Also maybe (assuming you do a new chapter) give us a look into the relationship between these two like Trevor wants more sex and he runs down why he drugs her he comes off as kinda selfish which is fine if that is what your going for but if he is someone we are suppose to cheer for then more build up and better reasoning for his actions are needed.

Also I hope Cori makes a comeback sometime soon

Thanks

Great writing, and I like the idea a lot! Please continue this story.

see cock, suck cock. When you drug her into a Stepford wife by the 4th paragraph there's not much story left to tell

One of my favorite literotica authors! Yes it's short, but i think you can come up with a lot of ways to take this story if you want to do that. Thanks!

Thank you! Definitely not my favorite story, but something a little different. I have some others in the works that are a bit more in my old style. Thank you!

Welcome back! Don't leave it too long before your next story.

Ps Bring back Dr Pound

Thanks for the kind words and feedback. I'm currently working on a new Hard Body story. I can envision Dr. Pound returning at some point as well...

Can get his hands on Cory temporary of crouse