Between the Pages of Adultery Ch. 03

"Mom," Ashley yelled down from her room when she heard her mother in the hall. "Dad left a message on the machine. He wants you to call him."

Laura momentarily froze with fear. Was this it... divorce? She wondered, what did he say, exactly? How did he sound... angry? Her hand trembled as she reached for the playback button but she had to hear him for herself.

"Laura, I want to come over and talk. Give me a call back and let me know when you're available, will you please."

That was it? She hadn't a clue. All she could do was call and pray.

"Harrison... "

He could hear the hesitancy in her voice. "Hi, Laura, how are you and Ashley getting along?"

"Much better, thank you; whatever you said to her made a big difference."

"Good," he responded. "Listen, Laura, I've been given a lot of thought to our situation... "

Laura closed her eyes. Here it comes, she thought. She took a deep breath and waited for the hammer to drop.

"Would you have time some night this week to sit down and talk?" he asked.

She silently let the air out of her lungs with a small sigh of relief. At least he didn't tell me over the phone, she thought. She was still very anxious. She had to know what he wanted to talk about but she was too scared to ask. Still... she needed to know.

"Well I just got home but you're welcome to come over now. I'll put a pot of coffee on."

"Okay, see you in about twenty minutes," he said, then hung up without another word.

Laura quickly started the coffee then ran upstairs to change out of her uniform.

"What did dad want?" Ashley asked when she saw her mom going into the bedroom.

"I'm not sure, honey. He's coming over to talk."

Ashley could hear the anxiety in her mom's voice and it scared her. She walked through the hall and into her mom's room. She saw her mom slipping into a skirt. There were tears in her eyes.

"Mom, why are you crying? What did he say?"

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. He didn't say anything... honest. I'm just a little nervous, that's all. Please don't be scared," Laura said trying to console her daughter.

Ashley wasn't buying it. "He's going to divorce you, isn't he?" she yelled. "I knew it, I knew it! Why did you have to do it? Why wasn't daddy good enough for you?" she cried with anger.

"Oh, honey," Laura replied looking into the distressed face of her daughter. "I... I don't know why I did it but it had nothing to do with your father not being good enough. He's the finest man I know. I... I'm so sorry, dear. I'm so sorry!"

Every tear that dripped from the grieving young girl's eyes was like a stake being driven through Laura's heart. She stretched out her arms as she closed the gap between herself and Ashley.

"Oh mom," said the teenager. She wrapped her arms around her mother and pressed the side of her face into the soothing pillows of her mom's breasts, just like she did as a little girl.

"What are we going to do, mom?" she wept. "What are we going to do without dad?"

At that point they were both convinced Harrison was coming over to tell Laura he was divorcing her. For about the thousandth time since her confession, Laura cursed herself for all the pain she caused her family.

The two held each other, each looking to the other for some solace. They were still embraced when they heard the doorbell.

"Listen, honey," Laura addressed her daughter as she wiped away her tears. "Maybe this isn't what we think it is. I have to go down and talk to him, baby. Try not to worry too much; I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I know myself, okay?"

Ashley sadly nodded her head and returned to her own bedroom. She flopped face down on her bed and waited.

"Hi, Harrison," said Laura as she opened the door. She forced a smile. "You don't have to ring the bell you know; this is still your house."

Harrison forced a smile of his own as and he acknowledged her words with a nod.

"Where would you like to do this, in here," she said gesturing to the living room, "or in the kitchen?"

"The kitchen's fine," he replied already heading in that direction.

Laura made a little nervous small talk while she poured the coffee then joined him on the opposite end of the table.

Harrison sighed just a little before getting to the reason he was there. He couldn't help being a little apprehensive; he still wasn't sure he was doing the right thing.

"Laura, I don't think you have any idea how much you hurt me. To this day I keep hearing your voice telling me you cheated on me and every time I hear it the pain starts all over again. I don't know how many times I've picked up the phone to call a divorce lawyer, but well... obviously I haven't made the call yet."

He took a sip of coffee then continued.

"Part of me wants to. Part of me says it's over, you cheated, that's it. But then there's another part of me that keeps saying, people aren't perfect, maybe after seventeen years together she deserves another chance."

He took a brief moment to gather his thoughts.

"I read some of that book you gave me. You were right. It did help me understand how people can sometimes get sucked into a bad situation... that's still no excuse for what you did," he commented emphatically.

Laura was on the edge of her seat as he stopped for another drink. He kept going back and forth. She still wasn't sure what would be waiting for her when he stopped talking. What was he leading up to? Was he going to tell her he was divorcing her or not? It was sheer torture.

"Anyway," he resumed. "If you're interested I'd like try counseling. To be honest, I don't know if I can ever forgive you, but I'm willing to give it a try... "

Before Harrison could finish his statement Laura completely lost it. Four months of worry, grief, remorse, and guilt had just morphed into the first sign of actual hope. It was more than she could handle.

Laura buried her face in both hands and burst out in tears. Ashley, who had been listening, unseen from the bottom of the staircase, rushed to her mother's side to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Laura bellowed. "I... I... " she was too emotional to speak. She stood and literally ran upstairs to the bedroom.

"What was all that about?" Harrison asked.

"I think she was just so relieved, dad. Before you came we both thought for sure you were going to give her divorce papers."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry. I should have said more over the phone. I'll go up and talk to her."

"Let her go, dad. She's been trying to stay brave for me but she needs to let it out. Just give her a few minutes, okay."

He looked at this daughter. This whole thing was causing her to grow up much faster than he wanted.

"Dad, do you really think there's a chance we could be a family again?"

"There's a chance, honey, but I'm not making any promises," he said qualifying his answer. He still had his doubts and he didn't want to build everyone's hopes up. "If you're mother's interested in going to counseling... "

"Oh she's interested, dad."

"Okay," he said with a slight chuckle at his daughter's take charge attitude. "Well then I'll give it a try but there's an awful lot that has to be worked out before we could even start to patch things up, honey. I won't lie to you, it's a long shot."

"I know, but it's still a shot, right dad? That's the way mom and I see it."

"Yeah, it's still a shot."

"Thank you, dad," Ashley said as she put her arms around him. "When would you guys start... the marriage counseling thing, I mean?"

"I'm not sure, honey. I don't even have a therapist yet. My boss is going to get me some recommendations, but the sooner the better."

They talked for just a little while longer then Harrison left before Laura came back down.

His boss came up with three recommendations. Harrison checked them out on the Internet, and after two days of research, called his selection to see if they would take his case.

Theresa was the doctor's personal assistant. She answered the phone in a pleasant voice. "Doctor Wexler's office, how may I help you?"

The conversation took about twenty minutes. After Harrison explained about his wife's affair, Theresa asked several pertinent questions and took notes of the answers.

She wanted to know if both parties were intent on reconciling. Harrison told her his wife was almost desperate for it, but clarified his own reluctance. That prompted a new series of questions; was he involved with anyone else, did he still love his wife, was he being shamed into therapy by someone else or was it his decision alone? Then she asked what other family members were involved, and of course Harrison told her of Ashley.

At the end of the conversation Theresa told him she would confer with the doctor and call him back later the next day, but she was pretty confident the doctor would take their case.

The following afternoon it was Doctor, Jane Wexler who called to confirm his wish for counseling. "Mr. Corbett, the simple fact that you have called requesting therapy tells me you wish to stay in the marriage; tell me, what is it you're hoping to achieve with counselling?"

"Doctor, right now I just can't get over my wife cheating on me. I... I guess I'm hoping you can show me how to forgive her."

It was an honest answer. "Okay," she responded. "Before we schedule a joint session with you and your wife," she explained, "I would like to see you both individually. Each session will last approximately one hour. After that I will meet with both of you on a once a week basis. Please hold, Theresa will schedule the appointments and work out a payment schedule for you."

With that the line went dead for a moment. Wow, thought Harrison, she's all business. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. A few seconds later Theresa said hello. Once the details were worked out she asked that he call Laura to have her schedule her own appointment. For the first time in a long time, Harrison felt like he had accomplished something, or at least was headed in that direction. He still felt it was a long-shot though.

Laura thanked him profusely when he gave her the info and apologized for her earlier outburst.

Since he was still on his forced vacation, Harrison was able to schedule his individual appointment for later that same week. He found himself strangely nervous as he entered the doctor's office. He had suddenly realized the impact the sessions could have on the rest of his life.

Theresa sounded much younger than she turned out to be. Harrison guessed her age to be closing in on sixty. She had him sit down and fill out some papers, including insurance forms, before ushering him into the doctor's office.

Doctor Wexler was also a surprise. From their phone conversation, he visualized a young, pretty woman, but in reality he guessed her age to be around fifty. Her hair was dark and cut short, barely covering one side of her forehead. As she stood up to greet him he figured she couldn't be more than five-one, or two, and she had absolutely no boobs to speak of. She did have a pleasant smile and a friendly voice; however, and was able to make Harrison feel more comfortable right from the start.

"Now, Mr. Corbett, over the phone you said your wife had committed adultery. Do you know this for a fact or is it something you suspect?"

"Oh no, it's a fact. She admitted it," he replied.

"I see. Why don't we start with you telling me what led up to her confession."

Over the months, Harrison's anger had slowly dissipated leaving his pain and grief much more visible. As a veteran, Dr. Wexler spotted it immediately. She could see he was a man who had been head over heels in love, only to have been very deeply hurt by that love's betrayal.

As the session neared the end of the hour, she knew he presented a challenge. Out of all the things that can be broken, the heart is the most difficult to repair.

Dr. Wexler was genuinely more optimistic after meeting Laura. Many women would down play their affairs. 'He needs to just get over it,' seemed to be their mantra, minimizing and disregarding the hurt they'd caused, but Laura was sincere in her remorse.

They discussed the book she read and how it made her realize the gravity of what she was doing. She told Doctor Wexler that telling Harrison of her infidelity was by far, the worst moment of her entire life. She broke down and cried three times in the allotted hour.

After their session, the doctor was sure Laura would be able to adequately answer her husband's questions; but would he be able to dig down deep enough to forgive her? That was a question no one but Harrison could answer.

A week later it was time for their first joint session. Harrison was nervous but Laura was down-right scared. She was terrified she'd say something wrong and hurt him even more than she had. Dr. Wexler told her the same thing she'd read in the book. "Whatever he asks, don't even think about lying. It is impossible to rebuild a relationship with lies; the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth was her only chance.'

Once they were both seated, the doctor tried to set a non-combatant atmosphere with a short description as to how she conducted her sessions. Theresa brought in fresh coffee and laid it on a small table along the wall. When she thought everyone was ready, Dr. Wexler started things off.

"Mr. Corbett, during our first meeting, you expressed to me a question that bothers you almost as badly as your wife's affair itself. Do you know the question to which I refer?"

"Yeah, I think so," he responded.

"Well," she continued, "I think it's a valid question and one that should be addressed right from the start. Why don't you ask your wife?"

Harrison turned toward a very worried looking Laura.

"Why did you have to rub my nose in it? Or was it just to ease your own conscience?"

"Rub your nose... I'm sorry, Harrison, I don't know what you mean. I didn't rub... "

"Why did you have to say anything," he blurted out, cutting her off. "Why couldn't you have just broken it off with the jackass and not said anything. I didn't have a clue. I never even suspected you were having an affair," he said through gritted teeth.

He could feel his anger resurfacing already. Unconsciously he brought his hand up in a closed fist attempting to hold back his rage as he spoke again. "Couldn't you have just kept quiet?" he growled. "I would have stayed blissfully ignorant and none of this would have ever happened."

Laura's tears were already starting to form. "I couldn't take the chance of you finding out on your own," she stammered. "Harrison, telling you what I had done was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. God, I wish I could have said nothing. To this day I sometimes wonder if it was the right thing to do. As for easing my conscience, believe me, it would be a lot easier living with the secret of what I had done than living with the consequences."

"I still don't get it," he stated with exasperation. "You were afraid I'd find out so you told me? That doesn't make sense, Laura."

She could see his face was still contorted with pain and anger, just as it had been that night. "Harrison, read chapter twel... "

"No, Laura," Dr. Wexler broke in. "He needs to hear it from you, not read it out of some book. YOU have to make him understand."

Laura felt dejected by the doctor's reprimand. She had gotten the mistaken impression that the doctor would be on her side in all this. She was frustrated; the book explained things so much better than she could. How could she make him understand? It was so important; she had to make him understand...

"Harrison, do you remember what you told Ashley the night you moved out? You said a marriage was built on trust and respect. Well I broke your trust and disrespected you as my husband by cheating. How could I ever ask for your forgiveness if I had continued doing it? How could I ever show you I could be trustworthy again if I went on keeping secrets from you?"

Laura took a tissue from the box on the doctor's desk and wiped her eyes before continuing. "Harrison, you're a very intelligent man. It would be only a matter of time before something would've captured the attention of that analytical mind of yours and sooner or later you would have figured it out. When that day came and I confessed to the affair only AFTER getting caught, if ONLY then I told you it had already ended would you have believed me? Would you ever believe anything I said after that? Would you ever trust me again?"

Harrison sat leaning forward, his elbows rested on his knees while he stared at the floor. He silently shook his no in response to her question.

She resumed. "How could I ever have looked you in the eye and said the affair was over, now you can trust me again, after deceiving you all that time? I know you, Harrison; it would have surely been over with no chance of ever getting you back. It was a gamble, I know, and I'm so terribly sorry for all the pain I've caused you and Ashley, but it would have been even worse if you had discovered my betrayal on you own. After what I'd done it was the only way I stood the ghost of a chance of keeping the man I love and keeping our family together."

It was an impassioned speech; the room fell quiet while Harrison thought over what she said.

Doctor Wexler was the first to break the silence. "Does that make sense to you, Mr. Corbett?

He sighed before speaking. "I don't know. I guess in a way it makes sense, but I'm still not sure I agree with her decision to tell me like that."

"Let me ask you a question," addressed the doctor. "If Laura had kept the affair quiet and you did discover it on your own, would we be sitting here now?"

It didn't take him long to answer. "No, no way."

Neither Doctor Wexler nor Laura said anything else. Harrison thought about his answer and had to admit, it was a calculated risk by his wife, but probably one worth taking.

The time went quickly, but the hour wasn't quite up yet when Dr. Wexler called an end to their first session. She knew the next topic would be a lengthy one and she didn't want to start something they couldn't finish.

She dismissed Harrison but asked Laura to stay behind for a couple minutes.

"Laura, next week I'm going to have him ask you why you had the affair. He was dying to ask you tonight. I could see it in his face, but I want you to be able to gather your thoughts first. In our private session you told me how reading that book gave you a lot of insight into what you had done and why. I want you to use that insight, but tell it in your own words. I probably don't have to remind you to make sure you don't make excuses and don't try to shift any of the blame onto him. You told me, he did nothing to provoke your behavior, remember that when you're talking next week."

After the session, Harrison stopped at a restaurant on the way home. Everything they had discussed the previous hour was swirling around in his head. After his conversation with Ken and hearing how his first wife flaunted her affair, he had associated it with Laura announcing hers like she did. The words Ken spoke, "she rubbed my nose in it," hit home with him. Not that Laura let anyone else know about it, but maybe she was trying to punish him for something. Until an hour ago he just wasn't sure of her motives for coming clean when she didn't have to. He finished his dinner and refused a last cup of coffee, he was in a hurry to get home and read chapter twelve.

Even though Laura had a heads up on the topic they would be discussing, she appeared just as scared as she had the week before. It was her fault her family was going through all the suffering. Now she'd been given a second chance, she couldn't blow it... she just couldn't.

Harrison was already seated. Laura took a deep breath before taking her own seat.