All Comments on 'Bianca Gets It Good Ch. 01'

Holy cow, that was hard to read. Perhaps you might want to revist the purpose and use of quotation marks.

I agree with the other comment. At first I wasn't sure if the comments after the quotation marks were thoughts echoing in the speakers head after he/she spoke. Then the quotes stopped altogether. Very hard to read. Story is great though. Like the idea. Not sure how her daddy ended up in side her so quickly, though.

In addition to the comments below I felt the story was missing something big. Just how did the dad get his dick in the daughter. I think it also needed more detail around the two having sex. I think this needs re-writing

Man alive. Do you even proof read your stuff before submitting it? Holy shit, your use of dialog quotations was absolutely atrocious.

Get an editor or you'll be seeing lots of bad comments. That, and people won't even bother reading your stuff if you do more stories in the future.

I post this anonymously because I get tired of assholes sending me comments via my "page" to tell me I'm an asshole. These are the babies who say us anons are idiots for posting anonymously. Once you post with your username, you get hammered for being a critic.

It went way too fast and you didn't explain anything. Get and editor, use quotation marks, and re-write this!

As far as grammer, not explaining some things, etc. This is a great read. It's seems like the Author knew where he was going with the story, when he was writing it, but the lust, and sexual tension got hold of him as well. And when that happens, you have to go with the flow. Overall, this tale, got me hot and hard as I read it, and had a hell of a wet dream about it.

Sorry i'm not an english major. I try doing the best with what I have. But thanks anyway.

Their being assholes, they did not have to read the story

can't complain :)

This story has a great deal of potential. However, it doesn't really work for me as it stands. I would LOVE to read a revised, detailed version, as well as further chapters containing the arrival of the uncle and the poker night. Some spanking and punishment for this bad girl would be great, maybe a little anal or dp for such a slutty minx. You have a great creative streak and a sense of irony. Just work on your details, timing, and dialogue. Great start.