All Comments on 'Big Cousin Obsession'

Will there be Another chapter with Sarah and Lara together

I hope that wasn't the end, need more!

This story has some serious potential. The cliff hanger at the end only leads me to believe you will continue. I truly hope I'm right. 5 stars. :D

he should push her away and leave as fast as possible, she made her choice now she needs to live with it.

It is always a good idea not to ruin a good story. In this case that is exactly what you did. Derek and Sarah were over; Derek and Lauren had begun. There was no reason for bringing Sarah back unless you were going to lead up to a three-way where Derek married Sarah and they both had an on-going relationship with Lauren.

The way you left Lauren hanging while Amanda had him go to her apartment to meet up with Sarah just was not handled properly.

To everyone that has commented on this first day of Big Cousin Obsession’s posting: thank you very much for the feedback, it's a massive help for future stories. :)

Now, let's take this by parts...

First of all, the elephant in the room: grammar errors. Although I consider myself to speak English at a good level, it's a second language, which means mistakes are bound to happen no matter how many times I check everything. Sorry, it annoys the fuck out of me when I see it in other stories as well, but unfortunately I can't edit posted stories (unless you can and I'm just missing it big time...).

Secondly (and staying on the topic of grammar errors), although I asked for feedback I generally would like it to be constructive. Feel free to "grammar nazi" away, but don't be an arse. And if you do, avoid being one while hiding behind the "Anonymous" tag... Because odds are the combination of both will result in the deletion of your comment.

Thirdly, my plan for this story (or this first part of it, anyway) was to make readers understand the different "loves" that Derek experiences with Lauren and Sarah. But I completely understand why some people may be confused with the reintroduction of Sarah. And I can see your point about the love triangle, rhimshot415. In this type of story, though, it's not my cup of tea... Maybe. Maybe not. I'll genuinely think about it.

And lastly (I've kind of given it away already...), I do plan on continuing with this plot, as I'm looking forward to concluding this story as much as you are looking forward to reading it, neon_154 (probably even more :P), but right now I've immersed myself into a non-Literotica story (it’s “into”, right? Getting a bit paranoid now! xD), and it's been a blast! So, I'm continuing, just don't know when.

Hugs and kisses,

DinaParker69

I know people will say I'm nit-picking, but it annoys me to no end when I see authors use ' instead of " in quotations. I know, I know.... that's the way they do it in the UK, blah, blah, blah.

I hope Lara kicks the crap outta Derek. He was a dick for that.

The fact that it leaves you guessing is my favorite part. some of the best parts of life is not knowing.

I want to start by saying I really liked your story, not a fan of Sarah coming back and I hope he doesn't fuck things up with Lara but still it was good.

The only thing I hated is the fact that it ended where it did and you said below you haven't finished it but will eventually and you'll post it then. I really hate when authors do that because so many times they never finish it and you never get to see what happens. I really do hope you finish it because I want to know what happens.

I really enjoyed this story all the way until the end. Why bring back Sarah?!

Way to ruin a reasonable story.

Most people make stupid mistakes in life. This guy however, is on another level. Whatever misery he's headed for, he deserves unreservedly. One of the most offensive endings to a story I've read here. He left a wonderful Filet mignon at home for a day old half eaten Big Mac.

1 star awarded only, out of sheer spite to an author who wrote an ending so fucking stupid.

If this is the end then I really enjoyed this story all the way until the end. Why bring back Sarah, and why did he sheet on his cuz,

It could end happy ether way with or without his cuz but not like this....

In Manny places it's taboo to be with a cuz but not illegal....

Anyway. 5 star

Derek and Laura had no future. Unless his family would approve which appears unlikely from what was written it would be completely selfish for he and Laura to continue. It would likely tear their family apart as the way they are going about it their bound to get caught. (That must have been some blanket as they seemed to have gotten away with anything and everything under it.) As hard as it would be to leave, staying with Lauren spelled disaster. Whether or not Sarah is the one doesn't matter. So my opinion is that while stopping the deal with Lauren was the right choice he wasn't doing it right.

Sorry, I'm more in favor of a relationship with Lauren than Sarah, so this sorry ended up being a letdown for me...

There could've been other ways to bring Sarah back. Likr u knw not making Derek cheat on Lauren. I was really enjoying the story but there had to be some sort of farewell between Lauren n Derek before he got together with Sarah

I enjoyed this, though the last page left much go be desired. I'm left with the hope that this is a '' to be continued...'' situation.

I have had this fantasy about 8 million times, but the fantasies are nothing compared to this.

. on this site, if you intend to write a follow-on story, title the first with a Ch. 01. that saves grief on the part of the readers, and allows the site operators to categorize your series alphabetically and numerically.

. withholding intent to continue infers an end to a story as is. if the ending is unsatisfactory, (as this one obviously is) readers will be irked beyond reason.

. fyi, one of the most difficult things for readers to discern is which story follows/leads another when they do not appear in a common grouping. having to check the published date to see which one to read next is not done by most readers. and, even if you do a very skillful job of writing each as standalone stories, is that what you really want? or is your wish to have a continuum of plot line?

. finally, if it is your intent to continue writing on this site, and you want positive feedback, consider requesting the assistance of an editor proficient in the language and idiom you have selected. since you have publicly admitted that English is not your native language, there is no shame in seeking assistance from someone who can work with you.

. btw, what other collection or writing has snagged your interest? is it something that might be intriguing to me, or other readers?

.

Hello, again ^^

To everyone that has commented so far, thank you for the feedback, I've read and considered every single comment.

Now, regarding rightbank's comment, who raised a few interesting points:

1. I didn't call this Chapter 1, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue. I genuinely just wrote this out of the blue one day, and decided to see how people would react. A few ideas about an ending for it popped up as I wrote, but I wanted to get some feedback first. ; which leads to...

2. I've noticed that a few people naturally feel like I'm withholding an ending to this and making empty promisses... I promise you that I'm not. This story was so enjoyable for me to write, that I don't want to do a half ass job with the ending.

3. The two posts I have on Literotica right now are two completely different stories. When stories are connected with one another, I will always make sure to make it as obvious as possible.

4. I was thinking of doing that. I was just curious to see how I'd fare without help (which is pretty arrogant, coming to think of it, now... :P). And you are right: no shame in seeking help when you need it. :)

And to give you a little update: Chapter 2 of The English Roomie is being written as we speak; I already know the basis of how I'm going to make the finale to this story, just working out a few details; and I am also working on a series in which I try to use as many categories as I can (still in brain storm phase). Soon...

Hugs and kisses,

DinaParker69

"What are you waiting for, then?"

Okay I liked the writing style but if Derek is meant to the the quiet type he would not be the cheating kind. He had only just acknowledged with Lauren that they were infact dating with her boyfriend comment so why make him an asshat like that?

Noo just when Derek is happy with Lara this selfish bitch Sarah pops out of nowhere and does this and Derek is stupid enough to go with it ugh, what a awesome story so far