by IanSaulWhitcomb
This story just drags on and on, it's obvious you just wanted to use as many words as you could and make the story as long as possible. So far this story has no direction and just is a jumble of useless words.
Well, score one for the jerks, I'd delete the boring comment if I were you.
Nice story, good character development, and a great beginning to what starts as a smooth simmer and promises to be a raging boil before it's finished. I'm looking forward to the future chapters...and I'm certainly not bored!
@albertaboy: I'm almost done touching up chapter two ... I hope it meets with your expectations!
@Anonymous (Boring): Sorry you didn't like it. Best wishes in finding something more to your tastes.
@Dreamweaver594: I'm not a big fan of deleting comments unless they're outright abusive. But I appreciate the word of support, and I certainly appreciate readers who are willing to be patient with a story like this. Thanks for chiming in on both fronts! I'll be crossing my fingers that the story fulfills the promise of boiling that you see in it ... the heat definitely goes way up by the end.
@t_i_n_a: Possibilities are my thing! Exploring the plot and characters' potential is one of my big motivators for writing.
Very likable characters always make for better sex. I like Nick Chambers. I think I like Lindsay, but I don't know if she is trustworthy. Great writing, but I expect that from you.
A great story that shows promise. I'm liking it so far!
Thanks, Donna! It's always a pleasure to hear your take on things!
Glad you're liking it. I'm forging ahead with my chapter-by-chapter edits ... chapter 2 was submitted mere minutes ago!
Wow! Yes, this story truly is a "big flipping deal!" I'm really hoping this is a longer series, something to really settle into and enjoy, because this first chapter was very good! Everything was just superb--set-up, characters, descriptions, tone... the sex (killer blowjob scene)!
Very well done! I look forward to reading many more chapters.
It gets even scorchier toward the end, although there's a lot of development between here and there. The whole thing is about twice as long as Contrast and 50% longer than Gloria's Daughter. I hope it continues to sizzle for you!
Thanks for the hot compliments.
: )
A great read! Your descriptive work is top notch! Can't wait to read the new chapters!
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story!
cliptoe
You certainly don't have to thank me for sharing the story -- nothing makes my day quite like knowing that people have enjoyed reading something I wrote!
The rest of the chapters should post in pretty quick succession. I hope you like them as well.
Thanks for the feedback!
Hot and full of self depricating humor. A page turner to be sure. Nice fantasy, that is the way mine usually turn out. lol. This is a fantastic start!
Thanks! Maybe someday I'll write a story with a narrator who's not self-deprecating. But that story will probably suck.
I read the entire saga and loved it! I returned to give 5 stars to each chapter, and to let you know how much I appreciate your work and the dignity you awarded your characters. You deserve the top spots for this story, but I loved YKN's (hope that is correct) top piece as well. There are more characters, more diversity, and more time to learn and enjoy the story's world (although I can't imagine how a story that great loses points). I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you very much!
Good stories losing points is really just a matter of math. I think it's totally reasonable for someone to really like a story and give it four stars instead of five stars. But when the average rating is 4.9, four stars is 9/10 of a point below the average, whereas five stars is only 1/10th of a point above the average. So even just a couple of people thinking, "Oh, that was a good story, I'll give it four stars" will have a greater impact than five or six people giving the story perfect marks.
I really appreciate you talking about the characters being allowed their dignity. That was very important to me, and I'm gratified to know it came through.
Thanks again!
Much appreciated! I'm glad you thought so!
Incredibly erotic. I love the humor and the great sex. I look forward to continuing this series.
Thanks! I hope you like the rest of the story just as well!
I'm pretty sure I've never read an erotic-fantasy scene before that gets interrupted by an elderly cat coughing up a hairball. So that was a first.
So I loved Contrast, but I'm having trouble getting into this story. Mainly because I really don't like the characters. I mean, in Contrast the female protagonist was bitchy in a fun way; Lindsey is just plain bitchy. I know it is stupid of me to judge her character now, when so little about her has been revealed. And while it is clear she has been disowned by her family and I do actually feel for her; it didn't make me like her. She is clearing putting up a front to keep people from getting too close, but the reason people do that is because it works. Apparently not on Nick though.
It actually made me start disliking his character because he acts like some lovesick puppy even as she is treating him like something she scraped off the bottom of her shoe. When the story started he seemed like a slightly self-deprecating, slightly sex-obsessed, but otherwise normal guy. By the end of this chapter he's just...pathetic. In fact, I think my dislike could have been remedied almost entirely if Nick was being motivated more by feeling like he owed it to Mrs. P, rather than out of an attraction to Lindsey.
Anyway, maybe I'll come back and give it another chapter or two at some point. For now though, I'm gonna give The Inn a try.
Well, I hope you like The Inn better, but I also hope you’re pleasantly surprised if you come back to revisit this one. Nick and Linds are both intended to grow on you, and readers generally seem to like them a lot over the course of the story.
But if not, that’s great too ... it would be a less interesting world if we all liked exactly the same things!
good start. of course, the only picture eft is Lindsey as a "tow head" boy as all her other relatives disowned her. Is it a hint that he never got her shorts all the way off? Guess he better be careful bending over. LOL
WOW - you sure can tell a very good story, 5 stars, I have a feeling Ch2 is going to even better. I loved the unusal twists in this too.
@Jennifer182:
Glad you liked it! I hope you enjoyed Chapter 2 (and the rest) just as much.