All Comments on 'Big Loss, Big Gain Pt. 01'

Twenty years bfore part 2 won't be too long. Such drivel as this can't get any sillier, so we are happy to wait 20 years.

Actually this isn't so bad. Do want to see where this goes, which is the ultimate aim of writing something, no? So the reader wants to know what happens next?

You succeeded here.

The part about the husband forcing the motel owner to let him go in and install cameras was not believable. You should have written it that he had bribed the hotel worker with a lot of cash. Either that or breaking in an installing the cameras but this way would not guarantee he would get the right motel room and the first way would.

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You also should have expanded the part about the wife wresting with the urge to cheat. That would have given the story more of a truthful feel to it.

signed TLD

Definitely a good first effort. As far as Hubby "forcing" the motel owner to go along with setting up the cameras, it IS believable if the owner is afraid of a lawsuit for allowing it to happen in the first place. I got the impression that this wasn't Motel Owner's first rodeo when dealing with a wronged spouse. Granted, a bribe might have made him more amenable, but oh well. At least Hubby didn't have to pay the guy.

As for what happens next, my vote goes to Ex-Hubby finding a new lady to share his life with. A lady who won't cheat on him like Ex-Slut Wifey did. That's my own preference. Zero Tolerance. Wifey cheated. The Trust is Gone. Regaining Trust in a cheating spouse is pretty much impossible, at least for those of us with self-respect. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

5 Stars. Needs a few tweaks, like the *Speaker: "Dialog"* thing needs to go. It's a bit distracting, to be honest. But then, that could just be my own outlook on it. Other than that, no real complaints.

Unless you're writing a play, you really don't need to identify each speaker the way you do here. A simple "he said" or "Sarah said" usually works. (For examples check out any novel ever written.) Sometimes you don't even have to identify the speaker because it's obvious to the reader.

The story is okay... it's pretty standard stuff, but generally readable. Just watch the characters' motivations. The wife eventually cheated because she didn't want her friend to be mad at her? Weak.

...nevertheless a very nice story. I enjoyed it and I am looking foreward to the next part.

There's nothing worse than having to read a series of conversations in order to figure out who's saying what, and most times I won't bother. I'll simply quit reading.

I appreciate your efforts. Is there really another story left here?

Writer: "I didn't pay attention in school and never read a story before."

Reader: "Iron Dragon will give good marks to any BTB story, no matter how poorly written."

Writer: "I was counting on that."

Great story, I agree with a few comments, the flow was like a script for a TV movie or motion picture. Perhaps Chapter 2 will be much more improved. Overall, well done, finally, a cheating story with consequences. I am not into this fetish of swapping, sharing. I do not condone cheating or adultery, I am glad the story ended the way it did. Once is enough. Well done 5 stars

I think this story needs alot more. Unless it was intended to be BTB from the start. If that was the intent, then, by all means the "Holy Rightious " and all those "perfect men" in this world have a new hero to follow. Well, what shall it be deadrabbits?

I had no problem following the plot or dialog. Well written story. Can't wait for next installment.

Good story overall and I'd no problems following any of the dialogue. The actions of hubby came across as both believable and realistic as did the court scene's. The people complaining about the motel owner being bribed need to chill the fuck out if they can't accept that the owner of such a sleazy motel wouldn't give a rat's ass about selling out two customers to save himself any sort of hassle.

Waiting for part 2, hope you take it to a good conclusion. Kathy slipped on her bad friends prodding.kathy death wasn't far now that the whore laura is still breathing, she was the one who started this mess.

I felt very uninvolved in the story. I had no emotional connection to any of the characters. You could have used another pass at proof reading. There were several omitted words, enough that distracted me from the flow of the story. Personally I'm not a fan of screen play style of story writing.

don't worry about the haters. Great Job

your comfort level in defining the "voice" you want to use in your story-telling will

develop to the stage that IF others feel the need to comment on it, you just won't give a rat's ass. I think you are off to a very good, believable and quite acceptable start. That is said because this story has all of the common road signs usually found along a very well paved and familiar road, here in LW literotica- land. Some times, it is good for a first time effort, to post with something you KNOW a large demographic will like. Today, with ch. 1, you are polling your audience: how many for reconciliation?, and how many for BTB with a romantic revenge? Good job on a story well positioned to go either way. Forgiveness isn't TOO far off base, because she has real remorse, over one stated act of adultery.(OK case is made that the lies, friend-finder account, and apparent desire via email to continue on = further additional betrayals in their own right). However, it only took ONE extra cock for her to realize the TOTAL mistake this was, and for her to begin the process of remorse, and, with what you have written, it WAS believable that this would have truly been a one-time transgression. Let's say it this way, I could find it in myself to forgive her, And NOT getting the counseling really WAS the final nail in the coffin. He fucked up by not talking to her. But, in almost ALL of the stories, that you wrote this one to emulate, THE HUSBAND NEVER talks to her in a real confrontation where everything is laid on the table BEFORE the divorce proceeds. He allows himself to get so caught up in capturing the evidence to prove the cheating, he reinforces the lies (sure she may have lied first, but the trust you say is impossible to rebuild is tougher when you BOTH have lies to get out from behind), and the anger... so communication is completely shut down. This divorce is another example of bad/no communication being just as much of a factor as the cheating.

So then, there is the other (to my mind more likely) way to go. He sits back to see how many women are waiting in line to recover wifey's fumble (gotta say, I loved the lawyer's use of that analogy- good work!). So he starts dating. Here the tree branch further splits. Is it all for naught, because meaningless sex ISN"T what he was missing, no matter how much better he feels getting laid, so NOW he is ready to finally listen to Laura? Or does he find the next MRS. PERFECT in everyway, and is happier than ever, despite what he THOUGHT was 21 good years of married life before? Well your title lets us believe that this last (the romantic revenge), is the path you will go. Frankly, I think the story will be a great read whichever path you choose. I think for a first time out, this was a safe way to enter the Lit community, thanks for contributing, and I'm looking forward to not only seeing how this ends up, but also what other projects you have up your sleeve for the future.

It is tricky to pull off several POVs, but I think the author did it well and gave us a nice story.

Does wife get "redeemed"? If so-how?

Look forward to Ch2

I usually have a problem with script-style dialogue but I over looked it because the story caught my attention. Of course I'm an old softy and like a happy ending so I'm hoping for a reconcile but what I really liked was the fact that he didn't have women hanging all over him 5 minutes after the divorce was final. 99% of the time that just doesn't happen. 5* from me, keep it going.

Good, intense, hot story. Postpone it too long and it will curdle. 5*s.

Please get an editor and put some emotion in your writing, it was came across as cold, like you have no feelings yourself.

I've noticed the ongoing theme in all of these stories us that the wives generally have good, if not outright perfect marriages, and husbands who are the next best thing to Jesus. If you authors are going to keep writing these gritty divorces, how about not pretending that marriage is such a wonderful, magical institution until the whore fucks everything up? Generally, the marriage is shit to start with. There's a reason divorce rates are so high in this country and others.

Well paced and interesting. I liked the daughter intervening in the courtroom. In terms of plot, I agree that the trust is gone and the relationship is over - both parties need to move on.

But not this one. Your hero protagonist comes across as a narrow-minded fool. The guilty wife draws the reader's sympathy. One stumble followed by immediate remorse is human. Scorching the earth over this stumble is cold and immature.

You have marked this a Chapter 1 and I guess we have seen the Big Loss but not the Big Gain. However, the story is pretty much done.

I realize in these stories, it is standard (cliché if you prefer) to show our recently divorced hero finding true love once again. But who really cares what happens after the divorce. We don't need some fairy tale ending where Cinderfella finds his Princess Charming. At this point, I really don't care if our hero is so lonely after divorcing his wife that he puts a bullet through his brain. The story really ended with the divorce.

I miss this type of story and the authors who wrote them such as Ohio, Capecodmercury, Headhunters, Braindamaged,and the Wanderer etc... A few years ago there were fewer willing-cuck stories and more cheating stories. Sometime they reconciled after much hard work, sometime BTB, usually they found a new love interest. I like this story. Take it where you like.

In real life I would take her back because of a twenty plus year investment. It would hurt but she seemed truly remorseful. I wold probably get some type of concession from her such as drop your slutty friend, quit your job if that compounded the affair, stop ladies night, wear tamer clothes etc... I would maybe consider evening up the score to make her hurt. Or, maybe force some threesomes from her with her friend.. Nah! Maybe divorce her then take her back after heartfelt begging from her, but don't remarry her.

In a work of fiction no one has anything invested in these characters and it is easy to toss her away (many would say she tossed herself away). Lets look at it. She was a little bored and wanted something extra like her fiend err..friend. She could have worked with hubby and tried to spice both of their sex life. She chose selfishness. I could go on but I would like to see a writing miracle and read a believable reconnection. I am afraid that some segment of your readers will crucify you. Don't worry no one likes everybody and everyone has his critics. Write what you want but let it make sense. ***** Write more!

If Jim were to take his stupid slut wife back, would he ever be able to truly trust her again or live with the images of her betrayal? That is the question.

Renquist did a very good essay on this as he is a lawyer. Not one state will let a wife leave a 20 year marriage without close to half the assets. In addition a judge would not listen to a daughter about counseling. And the restraining order? Come on! It would not be granted. I have nothing against btb stories, but you can't just make up law. It ruins the story. It's like writing a story about the army and not knowing that a major out ranks a captain.

Did you even proofread the fucking thing?

Hard to follow, some paragraphs more than a page long, general shittiness... If this is your best, we'd all be better off if you stopped writing.

If you are going to incorporate 'facts' into your story, you should first check them out. Why? Because anyone knowing them will immediately be pulled out of your story.

On divorce, see Rehnquist's excellent summary: http://www.literotica.com/s/a-crash-course-in-family-law.

ALL 50 states are now no-fault.

She would have gotten MORE than 50% of their family's net worth. After that many years of marriage, she'd also be entitled to substantial alimony.

The daughter's arguments were out of place. By that I mean they were meaningless as to whether or not the couple could reconcile. All they show the Judge is that the daughter is angry. Since she is soon to leave for college, it was immaterial.

As for the pictures, you seem to know that they were inadmissible. They were also illegal to take. People have a reasonable expectation to privacy. Her attorney could have demanded more $$$ to compensate for damage to her family and friends when he showed the pictures. Frankly, they were unnecessary to the story. Oh, She also could have sued the motel for permitting them to be taken. Such is life.

The ending also was inconsistent. She is kicked out of her church. So what? She's moved and can attend another in her new town. They won't know about her or care, really. People are like that. She's still a good looking woman and probably could find another decent guy. Not a saint but OK.

Now, I really liked the build up you had to her cheating. However, I think that a good / decent looking guy would have been more believable over a fat slob. I imagine her tossing him out for falsely portraying himself as fit. After all, she's in it to get her jollies, not as a mercy date.

Nice first try.

Ttom

In 1950 Texas he could have shot her and her lover legally. So don't assume that current law has always been true. Judges do what they want to every day even now. They rarely let the law get in the way of their egos.

who cares if all the facts and all the punctuation are not correct? i did not read this story to give it an english grade. i read it for the ENTERTAINMENT value. it was not submitted as a class project. give the author a break and read these stories as entertainment. if you wanted to be editors get a job doing that. all you want to be editors are probably having a field day with this comment. i intentionally did not capitalize or make paragraphs so you would have something else to complain about. 5 stars i liked the story.

Nice first submission. I'm looking forward to part 2.

Well done! Looking forward to part 2 and your other stories.

Please get an editor, or at least a proofreader. The story was fine, although a little cliched.

I'd call it a good story with atrocious writing.

Not that your style is bad or broken, but you would be well advised to spend as much time in editing as you spend putting it together.

All polished writing shares one thing......good editing.

If you aren't willing to do it, you can get help. But to do nothing is as ruination to your hopes.

It's not that much more to do, but makes all the difference in the end result.

And could care less about grammar or grandpa for that matter. A five 5

The last line is disappointing. Sounds like it will be a long time coming. Too bad, I did like this one.

Very good first effort. I really liked how you made the characters react in a believable fashion (Laura's conflict before she cheats for example). I do have to agree with some of the other comments about the proofreading though. Looking forward to your next submission.

Great tale. Show's what can happen when you cheat on your spouse. No chapter two needed. Unless.....

You're not thinking of a reconciliation are you?

Damn

Let's let the husband keep his balls. No getting back together.

5* Great build up. My only suggestion would to not reveal all at the beginning and leave the reader with Did she? or didn't she?

Everyone is out to BTB but it should be noted that she was having problems with Sara for almost a year and it does sound like a physiologic problem was causing psychological effect add on the "good friend" and you have a recipe for problems. I would send her for an extensive medical check up before giving away my investment!

(That is a provocation, guys, but I do believe that physical and psychological effect are in a chicken or the egg relation)

jezzaz, cpete & Huedogg2 got it in 1... It is a great first effort and I or anyone else could only hope to do as well.

Save her life perhaps but forgive forget, no.

Bottom line is You are the writer and it is your story so most if not all look forward to reading ch 2 with a lot of anticipation. Great writing and response to first posting.

Thanks for sharing on SOL ooops, on Lit.

DD

The author should have good idea where to take the story !

As there is going to be a second or perhaps third chapters.

There is no shame in writing about reconciliation for the couple. In fact I think it is both brave and difficult to convey the emotional torment both parties will be going through. Let alone write about the change in environment around the couple. It would be interesting to read how the wife convinces the ex husband she only meet one man and that she pretend it was her husband.

She may have to share her husband with another woman in order to stay with him.

There are many avenues for the author to go down in this series.

I think just writing a BTB tale is the easy option to take.

Thank you for writing this story for me/us.

I think at least they should talk. Maybe they both find someone new and go there way. Maybe even be friends.

-

I think we all know where this story will end- reconciliation is the only final result from the way the characters felt as pt. 1 ended. That much was telegraphed ahead by the writing. But it is a very good effort for a 1st submission.

No man ... I SAID "NO MAN" ... unless your part of the WIMP/CUCK/RAAC Crowd .. could forget much less live with the doubt, constant questions, and lack of trust that would haunt him if he took this cheating whore wife back.

To those who don't like this story (I gave it a "5") and want to criticize / bash the husband for standing up for himself and his family, I say reverse the roles and then see if your willing to apply the same standards to the adulteress ... my guess is you would NOT!

Thank You deadrabbits for writing a great story and here's to hoping that in your sequel(s) you don't cave to the RAAC Crowd.

CHEATING WIVES ARE THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE!!!

Read Part II before I rated this part. Well done all around. Keep going.

That you will post other stories before posting part 2, yet I see part two is posted today.

So much for that.

I'm going to part two, but if this is reconciliation, I'm gonna go get me a bottle of ipecac and stop by McDonalds on my way home for some nuggets.

Hate to see kids in the middle of the parents marriage. Best to keep then out. Plus the plot isn't believable. Just didn't t work for me.

You ignored your own story in a way (I am treating this as a stand alone right now, since it was originally submitted as such)

He was the hottest commodity in town according to Pam the attorney.

So...why is he alone again? I can believe a man can be that damaged, but the quickness and ease at which he cut the cord belies a whole lot of emotional involvement.

He should have found someone else.

It started out strong, but seemed to get a little wooden as it went along.

look in the mirror, really look in that mirror...now its time to move on...if you were weak enough to do the crime....as of this time you cant even see the end of this world only your part in it, TK U MLJ LV NV

Great Story!

Stop NOW!

Don't ruin it!

The wife was far to stupid, if Jim was such a wonderful husband it would take more then her slut friends idea to get her to cheat on him.

Just a bit unrealistic, apart from that good story.

Quite liked the plot but your writing style is very stilted and unsophisticated, almost juvenile in style. The narrative is fairly poorly written but the dialogue is even worse. Long way to go.

There is not a judge in America that would give a man a restraining order here. Restraining orders can only be given out when life or personal safety is in jeopardy or there is a history or threat of criminal activity directed at the first person. He was not in any physical danger from her, Since he could not prove otherwise, no restraining would ever be given....sheesh

Thing that twinged wrong for me is that she really was having a few second thoughts and it was a little weak that she didn't chicken out even if she was scheduled. She had no problem canceling the second appointment.

Really good writing in my humble opinion.

this story was such mumbo jumbo. 20 yrs married 1 mistake and a restraining order thrown out her own home, not legally possible.

Pretty unrealistic story

I would hope everyone will agree there is a huge difference between a mistake and a poor decision.

As to only being one....

First the decision to set up email account

Second setting up cheater profile

Third, fourth, fifth etc the numerous exhanges with potential sex partners

The setting up of two dates

The shared room reservation.

Then the actual adultery

One mistake???? Hardly.

Then to top it off, her dream lover appears at door and is unattractive fat slob...where was her self-respect.

She is not attracted to guy...perhaps even repulsed but instead of changing her mind she continues. She had an easy out. She only had to point out to chubby the disparity in his actual appearance and photo and angrily accuse him of tricking her...confront him with statement that she never would have agreed to meet if he had sent accurate photo...guy would have ran from room embarrassed to no end.

One mistake???? Not hardly

She had ample time and opportunity to stop but continued to make one decision after another...repeatedly choosing to forsake her marriage and family

A deliberate, selfish, calculated betrayal is not a mistake. The problem is choice. She made the wrong one.

Good effort. 4*

This is a fine tale. But I'm always mystified at the idea of a betrayed husband who is not curious enough to at least hear an explanation, or attend at least one counseling session. It seems only natural to want to learn the other side, even if there is no intent to acquiesce. I see it as a regaining of some control,. And if nothing else, it provides an opportunity to reject her to her face.

Somewhere in LW writing classes, there are instructions to authors that husbands are to not be aware of what's happening around them, what's really going on with their relationships. Of course, some authors ignore that and present intelligent hubbies; those are the more interesting and believable tales. Doesn't usually support all the techno gear employment, or the savage revenge tales very well though.

Another good story on the bitter aftermath of cheating. Another woman with a great marriage, a loving family, and a bad friend. This was no accident, it was planned and executed with great precision. By the time she came to her senses , it was too late. Everything that comes now is on her. Jim didn't burn her, but he did even worse. She lost his love, her daughter, her ftiends, family and life. Ita semper meretricum.

She knew she lost a winner but she'll never know what she really lost. I'll always love the slut but I wouldn't warn her that there was an Alligator in her dark back yard or piss on her if she was on fire.

This 5 star story's punch line gave good advice from a woman who destroyed her family because she had the entitlement mentality of today's Democrat Party. During my long life, I fucked hundreds of wives but I taught my fuck partners to be supremely cautious in order to avoid being caught, embarrassed and losing everything. Not one of them was ever caught... even the ones that we both knew I'd impregnated. Strangely, all 17 of them were boys. (I always wondered how their mothers explained the kid's large piss tube)

Another foolish cheating wife who loses everything by listening to a "friend". This fool has stepped in it.

This story is too cut and dried. Thereś nothing here but a dry story with no character sense just a buildup to the mans qualities. I´m not sure the motel knew that by making those slides public like he did they would be opening themselfes to a lawsuit by the wifeś. The motel owner should be educated enough to know and so does the author. And this, to the author. If the man youŕe trying to build up so bad is that good in bed, the wife would not have to go looking. not even for recreation.

While this was well done, too bad it does not work like this in the real world. Reality is that sleeping around has long been celebrated by the bro code, and in the last thirty years, the steep rise in female infidelity is now publically celebrated as the need for women to assert their sexuality. Women are inherently collaborative, not always so competitive like men, so women will agree to cover and assist in an affair in order to push the cause of feminism. The affair is looked at as a successful and normative part of modern life, happy day for all.

Average story, usual tropes

3/5

Another story tied to a song. 4 stars......could've got a 5 but for the lyrics at the end.

Very good story - set up conflict for both husband and wife. Waiting for next chapter. Don’t like the narrative style but story very good

-1 star for the father using the daughter as a weapon, getting her to take sides

-1 star for hinting in the closing words that both a closing of the relationship and a reconciliation are possibilities, as an attempt to get readers from both the hardcore non-reconciliation and raac groups. Really, this could have been ended easily with one chapter if the writer would just choose which way to go and go with it

What do you expect women to do when the family court system is designed to reward them for cheating, lying and betraying their partners? I mean shit…

Reading stories like this is weird. They have the somewhat modern trappings we’re used to but some of the behavior is fictional 1940s, especially as if the wider community would care that she cheated. Just such a juxtaposition to read.