Billie - Scarred for Life Ep. 04

But now she was completely focused on what Roman was doing and what he was saying. She felt his hands slide up from her waist, along her ribcage to cup her sidebreasts. "I do like boobs when they're stretched out like this with your arms up. And yours sit so high anyhow. Magnificent."

He pressed her breasts inward, massaging the outersides firmly with palms and fingers, thumbs working the undersides. This was like nothing Billie had ever experienced before. From her teenage years with inexperienced boys groping, to the possessive and demanding way that Jim made love to her breasts and sucked on her nipples, only Daniel had done anything like this. But when he was her boyfriend Daniel had been so hesitant and tentative that she found him frustrating. Roman's way of going about this was planned; his touch felt determined; the touch of a man who knew what he was doing, knew what he wanted and knew how to make it happen.

He had told her he wanted to play with her body. This was for his pleasure, not hers - she was supposed to just lie there and be the passive object. So how come right now she was enjoying it so much? Her breasts had always been sensitive, but this was somehow different. This was a new and heightened level of sensitivity.

She opened her eyes to look at him. "I said eyes closed," he commanded. "I'm looking at you, you're not looking at me."

"Sorry."

She wasn't really. In the quick glimpse she had of him, what she saw was a man deeply engrossed. 'Bliss,' she thought. 'It's written all over his face.' Was she doing something for him that Jana couldn't or perhaps wouldn't do?

Roman drew his hand slowly across her right breast, brushing over the crinkled areola and tumescent bud of her nipple as he went. He pressed outwards on her left breast with that hand and inwards from the side with the other, presenting the hard nipple for his attention. "Hmmmm . . . " Billie purred. "Ahhh . . . " she gasped as he rolled it to and fro between his thumbs.

After a while he transferred his attention to her other breast, pressing it as he had done before and again rolling her nipple between his thumbs. Billie could feel butterflies playing havoc deep within. Instinctively her hand tried to reach down to touch herself between her legs, anything to relieve the incredible tension she could feel building up inside. But her arm wouldn't move and her legs wouldn't open.

"Untie me Roman, please. Please untie me."

"Shhh. You don't really mean that. This is me playing, remember, not you. So no talking. And no looking either," that last statement as Billie's eyes momentarily fluttered open.

She felt his weight shift on her thighs as he leaned back, abandoning her breast. Disappointment. 'Ah No. That can't be all.'

It wasn't.

Billie felt a light touch on the swell of each sidebreast. 'Is that just fingers?' she wondered.

It was.

Roman trailed his fingers ever so lightly inward over each boob underside, then slowly, slowly, slowly, up between her breasts and around in decreasing circles getting ever closer to her nipples. It was excruciating waiting for the inevitable. Billie's eyes were now screwed tightly shut and she was panting noisily through her wide open mouth, oblivious to everything other than the intense sensations elicited by his touch. After an eternity, each finger reached its target. The tingling became intolerable as she felt the light touch around her areolae. A firm flick back and forth on each turgid nipple and the volcano within erupted.

Billie cried out as her body twisted from side to side within her bonds. Roman quickly loosed her wrists from the ropes and she curled up and hugged her knees.

For a long time, neither moved, Billie still lying in her foetal position and Roman standing beside the bed watching her, both lost in their own thoughts.

After a while Billie uncurled herself and removed the ropes from her legs. She looked up; Roman looked back at her. His dark eyes twinkled, his face creased with the most impish grin.

"Well, that was fun."

Billie was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"There's nothing quite like watching a sexy woman's face when she's enjoying herself. That was an orgasm, wasn't it?"

"I . . . I think so. I've never had one happen like that before. I can't explain it."

"No need to. When it happens, let it happen and enjoy it."

Billie sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She glanced across at Roman. "Oh no! You too." There was a large wet patch spreading across the front of Roman's boxers. "You've come in your undies."

"You weren't the only one who got excited. Excuse me for a minute and I'll go and change."

Roman disappeared for a couple of minutes into the bathroom, emerging wearing a pair of long pyjama pants and carrying the pyjama top. "Here, put this on if you feel like covering up a little now."

Billie slipped her arms into the sleeves of the oversized pyjama shirt and wrapped it around her naked body. "Thanks." Somehow it felt appropriate that she should now cover up. It was ridiculous considering what they had just been doing, but now was not the time for logical behaviour. Now was the time to feel good about what she had experienced, about what Roman had done to her, and what she had learned from everything that had happened.

She was lost in her own thoughts and Roman, watching her closely, decided now was not the time for conversation. He sat on the bed and put an arm around her. He leaned across and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

'That's the first time he's kissed me. All that, and he didn't even kiss me.'

They sat there quietly, each lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, Billie said "Thank you Roman. I've got a lot of things to think about."

"Haven't we all. But thanks to you too. If nothing else, I had a great night like . . . . "

Billie was not to hear what Roman's great night was like or not like. "I see you two have finished." Jana had quietly entered the room and stood watching from the doorway. "If you don't want her for anything else Roman, she's got a husband next door who might like to have her back."

Shock! A knot formed in Billie's stomach. Jim. Through all that, she hadn't thought of Jim. She had been so lost in what she had been feeling while Roman was working his magic on her body, that she hadn't been thinking of anything other than those intense feelings.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Everybody back to your own beds

"Jim's a good man, Billie, and you're not going to lose him. All he wants is for you to stop worrying and be happy." Jana walked over to the bed, pulled Billie to her feet and hugged her. "I do like the outfit," she said, stepping back and casting an eye up and down the pyjama top Billie clutched around herself. "Most fetching. Now, there's nobody out in the corridor so you won't need to put anything else on to make it back to your room. Don't forget to take your things with you."

Billie collected her clothes and Jana had a quick look outside the door. "Nobody out there, off you go."

Jim was waiting for her. He grabbed her in an enormous bear hug as she entered their room and before she even had time to drop her clothes and her shoes. He was fully clothed, and Billie suddenly thought 'So was Jana when she came in to the other room.' What had they been doing?

Jim released her and stepped back. "So how did it all go with Roman?"

There was something unusual in the way he said that, causing Billie to wonder. She put her clothes on the dressing table and stepped back to Jim. She reached up and pulled him in for a proper kiss, then moved away to look at him. "It was interesting. Roman said he enjoyed himself. So what did you and Jana do?"

"We talked. Or more like she talked and I listened. Petal, is it true all the things she says you told her? Do you really think it's not working for me with you? Why did you think you could tell her and not talk to me?"

They sat side by side on the bed. Billie looked down at the floor. "How could I expect you to understand?" A tear was forming. "It's stupid what's been going through my head. I just couldn't explain some of the things I was thinking while you were making love to me. It all went wrong after the caesar and then the one time it went right it was because I was thinking of Jana and Barrington not you and me. How could I expect you to be all right with that?"

"Sweetheart, I'm all right with anything you do." Jim put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "From now on, you tell me what's going through that pretty head. No more secrets. No more worrying that I won't understand or can't cope. OK?

"Now back to what I asked you before. How did it all go with Roman?"

"You didn't do anything else with Jana?" Billie was puzzled. It wasn't supposed to work out like this. How could she now tell Jim what she had done with Roman if all he did with Jana was talk about her?

"I told you, all we did was talk. Now, try me. Tell me how it all went with Roman. No matter what happened, I'll accept it because I know why you wanted to do it. But Jana said she thought not much would happen anyhow because Roman told her he didn't want to fuck you. And even if the two of you did fuck, I will live with it. So come on, sweetheart, honesty time."

"No, he didn't do that. He didn't even go down on me and he wouldn't let me do anything to him. He just played with my bum and my boobs. But Jim, it was like nothing I've ever felt before. Do you really want to know about that? What we did wasn't right. What I was feeling wasn't right. You don't want to know."

"You can't say that." There was a gentle chiding in Jim's voice. "That is what's been causing all the trouble. You keep thinking I can't handle it. I'm a big boy, petal. And you're a big girl. I want chapter and verse."

Billie told him everything. Everything from when she and Roman walked into the room and he told her that he wanted to play with her body, not fuck her. Everything about his hands on her bottom and her breasts, and how he had used the ropes to restrain her.

Everything except: Except how she was feeling while he was doing it and how she had responded to his touch and his words.

So now Jim was being careful. "Do you think Roman enjoyed himself? Jana said he couldn't wait to get his hands on you, and it sounds like he did lots of that."

"He said he had a great night. And he came in his underpants," she giggled. "So he must have felt that his night went pretty well."

"And what about you?" Jim left the question as open ended as he could.

There was a delay before Billie answered. "I . . . I think I came too," she said, answering a more specific question than the one Jim had asked. This was it, she had to tell him. "It was different. It was at the end when he was playing with my breasts. He never touched me between my legs - he couldn't anyhow because he tied them together. It was weird because he had spent so much time getting there, I was ready to explode when he did. When he flicked my nipples it was like an orgasm. It was like it but different. I can't explain it. But then, I can't explain a real one when I have it either, I suppose.

"How can I ever say what I was feeling without hurting you? It was the first time I've ever been told to just lie there and let somebody play with my body. I was supposed to be there just for Roman to play with. For him to enjoy, but I enjoyed it as well. I was just another man's plaything and I enjoyed it. It's wrong."

"Petal, it wasn't wrong. What we did, we did together. We both decided to do this; it just turned out a bit differently from what we expected. So stop worrying and keep talking. I want to know what we should do now."

"Jim, I didn't think of you while it was happening. I wasn't thinking of Roman either. I wasn't even really thinking of me and expecting it to all go wrong like I usually do. It was only what was happening to me. That's what made it different. There wasn't anything going through my head except the feelings coming from all over me and inside me. Jana says it doesn't matter what you're thinking while you're having sex so long as it works. Maybe that's the answer."

"Maybe it is. Or maybe it's stop thinking the wrong things. Maybe, sweetheart, it's just for you to stop worrying about me and if I'm enjoying myself, just like you didn't worry about Roman. You let him worry about himself, and you can let me do the same.

"Anyhow, it's 2 o'clock. Let's sleep on it. And in the morning let's see if we can book next weekend here for just the two of us. No Jana. No Roman. Let's you and me give it another try without any distractions.

"We need new start with new rules, and rule number one is no secrets. From now on, you tell me what you are feeling and then we can both work on it together."

And so to bed. Jim quickly dropped off to sleep; it had been a long and exhausting night. But for a long time Billie lay awake with her mind churning over the things that had happened and what should happen now. It all sounded so simple when Jim said it, but she knew that what had been going on inside her for more than two years wouldn't go away just because Jim said so. There was a lot of work to be done.

The thing was that now she felt confident she had help. She had to be more open and honest with Jim, and Jana would always be there as a good friend.

And Roman too. If anything was going to overcome the scar inside it was the realisation that she could become so focused on the pleasure her body was feeling that no outside thoughts could intrude. Roman had shown her that.

Billie slowly drifted off to sleep, feeling more hopeful than she had for a long long time.