All Comments on 'Billy Turns Tables on Step Sister Ch. 02'

this one is perfect :D that is all hehe

But I felt it was to rushed at the end. You set it up well and then boom he was with his step-mom and then he was living with women after his Dad left. Like I said enjoyed but I think you would have better suited with a bit more of a buildup imo.

I had plans in my head for parts three and four. I think I was anxious to get there, and rushed the transition for sure. Reading it over now, I see exactly what you mean. Maybe after I empty my head of the final part (Part three is already submitted) I will go back and revise/add to part two. There is an awful lot that can happen from the first fucking of Emily to the three of them being regular sex partners. Thanks for your input.

is good, but it's written like a fairy tale. There is no realism in the text.

my name is Billy too . know I can imagine myself as him hummmm

He seems almost a cardboard cutout piece. And that's a shame, a lot can be done with the "man of the house" character.

Again, good story work. Nice and easy to read, I enjoyed the mother bringing in her friend and the two extra boys. There was a lot of emotional possibility there. Easy to play with.

Critique: There was a lot of meat left on the bone of a very good story idea here. As writer our first job, cynical as it sounds, is to play with our reader's heart And erotica writers even more so (although we spend more than a bit of time with our hands a bit lower than hearts) in that we have to bring lust, love, jealousy, guilt, and a dozen more juicy emotions into play.

Seek a balance between all of them, then at the critical moments lean that balance towards one, then tilt it back quickly. Keep the balance between heartstrings and G-strings.

You know the ending was rushed. So I won't comment on that. I liked the step-mother being brought into it the way you did, but maybe you could have saved her giving into what she was feeling till the next chapter, as her children begin to torment her with having sex more openly since they know she knows.

As I said last time, you've advanced as a writer from this point so most of this is stuff you already know by now. This was, and is, a very good short story. I just know that you can now do better and the greedy part of me wants to read that story.

Nice work.

MST

Well now, I couldn't have written a better comment/critique than MSTarot from 6 years ago. Which kind of makes me feel a bit inadequate. But then, I more than make up for it in other critical areas. So, I'm not too jealous of his literary prowess. Oh yes, 5 stars for this rather short chapter also.