All Comments on 'Birthday Walk'

can I find a home in Brooklyn?

What a lovely thought, compulsory public nudity. My nipples are pointy right now, just thinking about it.

And a few others... ;)

In the fifth paragraph the story slips from the first to third person.

The other thing was the assertion "I doubt Mrs Fisher even saw my nakedness". Why write that? She can see well enough to identify our protagonist as Jennifer, and Jennifer can see Mrs Fisher well enough to describe what she is wearing, so why on earth would Mrs Fisher be unable to see what Jennifer wasn't wearing and why would she otherwise wish her a happy birthday?

These are relatively small issues, but I find coming across glitches likes this jolts me out of just enjoying the flow of the story to thinking about the mechanics of the story.

Mom must be planning on her using them a lot! :)

I like the idea, but I'm not sure how well this will go over if you have to be out on the streets, naked, in Brooklyn, if your birthday is on January 12th. But surely we can get this done in Miami or Key West!

A delightful night for a stroll, no need to rush, no dodging bush to bush (or lack of). I certainly hope your vibe does not stay in the drawer for a whole year.

Sounds like a great tradition!

First, you're telling the story in the now, they you change and you're telling her story: "none of which were heading her way." The whole paragraph needs a rewrite.

People hadn't "went to bed."

conseal

Would I be in error believing English is not your first language?

I apologize that the grammar, tenses and point of view in the story may change.

I wrote this story over a course of a few days, so I guess I didn't pick up in the correct spot.

I hope to submit more in the future, so I will definitely do some more proof reading in the future.

Fun story. Certainly different than the other nude stories I've read. I hope you continue writing, you're very good at it.

But I must say, the one thing that bothered me was her reaction to the 69 year old man. But, thinking about it, I suppose that's exactly how an 18 year old would see a person at that age. Okay, I'll behave now.

Thanks for a great story.

Ted

Brilliant idea