All Comments on 'Bizarre Roommates Ch. 02'

I’m really enjoying the premise of your story but there are a number of little things that need correction, not so much spelling errors but continuity errors like when Jessica went to work she put her umbrella away but when she went on her break you said it was good the bench was covered because she forgot her … broom.

Yeah, sorry about that. I don't really have much of an editor and it's hard to keep track of these errors.

You've got a great story here, just keep telling the story. We readers will just have to work harder if the grammar is odd or the spelling is off or something. I'm enjoying your storytelling, so keep up the good work..

If an editor is more hassle than you want to deal with, consider simply getting a Google account and pasting your work into a document to take advantage of their built in spelling and grammar tools. It won't catch everything, but it can be very helpful

That, plus a second pair of eyes if you can find them, will work wonders.

Not only is the grammar and sentence structure poor, you don' t seem to understand how the world works.

You have a character getting physically accosted by her boss, and she just takes it. That just doesn't happen. Sure, this is a famtasy world because there are vampires, weres, etc, but unless you give a rational explanation for abnormal reactioms, you shatter something called suspension of disbelief, (SoD).

SoD is when a reader is willing to accept non-real characters and situations. Without good character & world development, a writer cannot acheive SoD in their readers.

For example, a landlord would never just shrug off massive damage to an apartment. Do you have any clue what a new granite counter top would cost, to say nothing of the fact an apartment with granite countertops would be way out of the rental price range for three college students.

Add to that the force it would take for a flesh & bone body to break a granite countertop would likely be fatal. If the werewolf's body has transformed and is strong and resistant to physical injury like any other flesh & bone body, you must set that up before hand, giving your readers an explanation and reason to believe something which breaks the laws of basic physics.

Also, sheetrock & plaster are not used together. Plaster is a much older form of wall covering which originally used strips of wood as a base for a plaster top coat. For a while in the 60's, double layer strips of sheetrock was used, but this technique didn't last long.

Sheetrock is fastened to bare studs, the joints are taped & lightly mudded with something slightly similar to plaster, called mud. The walls & ceiling are typically textured, then painted.

Last, you have many incorrect instances of the incorrect use of adjectives vs adverbs. Here is an exmaple from the first paragraph: "I scolded myself mentally with a wanly expression."

The verb in the sentence is 'scolded'. You correctly used the adverb 'mentally' to further described how the scolding was done. It's easy to remember that adverbs only modify or are use with verbs, because of the word verb being in both.

The phrase 'with a wanly expression' incorrectly uses an adverb 'wanly', (not certain there is such a word), to describe the chracter's expression. 'Expression' is not a verb, it describes no action; it is a thing. When you are describing things you must use adjectives. The correct form of the word and proper usage would be 'a wan expression'.

Though the grammar is correct, the problem still exists in the misuse of the word 'wan'. The definition of wan is a light, or pale complexion, the color of one's skin, not an expression their face might form.

You need some serious help editing, or some in depth learning of grammar and word usage. The first two chapters are difficult to read; it's like trying to read a foreign language which you don't know fluently, so you have to read a sentence, then stop to figure out what it means.

In this case, your writing is forcing the reader to edit all of your sloppy writing just to read a atory. Too mmuch work for most readers.

If you want to be a writer, you have to do the work it takes to be a competent writer. The purpose of the written word is to communicate thoughts & ideas; it what separates us from the animal world. If your readers cannot understand what you mean in your written word, and are forced to edit as they read, you are not communicating successfully.

It's a lot of work to be a writer, even more hard work to be a good writer. Don't insult the art of writing by being lazy; put in the work it takes to be a technically competent writer.

Then you can find out if you have any talent for the craft, or if your story ideas are any good.

Oh, yeah, the Romans didn't 'discover' plumbing, they 'invented' plumbing.