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"Ms. Jordan, what is your idea of how significant of the waistcoats change among class at the time of the 1780s?" my eyes perked up, noticing everyone looking at me as Professor Jennings called out to me.
I started to sweat a little. This was the first time someone called out a question for me. After swallowing the lump forming in my throat, I answered nervously, "It made it, like, more fashionable to kings, and stuff."
I heard some of my classmates giggling at my response, which was very confusing and made me feel zoed. Then one girl sitting next to me raised her hand.
"Yes, Ms. Weber, what's your answer?"
Standing up, Zoey Weber held a firm stance and a blank face, answering the question with ease, "The significance of the waistcoat among classes appeared right after the revolutions that exploded throughout Europe. Originally a fashion for royals and nobility, it was soon worn by the working classes after the revolutions of Europe, albeit less elaborate and extravagant than the original." After she finished, she turned to me and flashed a cocky grin.
"Very good, Ms. Weber. Ms. Jordan, maybe, next time, you should start paying attention to my lectures and not draw pictures in your notebook. That way, you can be better prepared and not suffer another degrading experience," the professor advised, pointing his chalk at me as he smirked. My lips pursed as I turned away, feeling aggravated as my cheeks turned red.
After class had finally ended, I walked out of the classroom and headed down the hallway that is until I noticed Zoey weber walking next to me, retaining the same snarky grin on her face from before.
"Like, what do you want?" I questioned irritatingly. My loafer-covered feet stopped as I turned to the girl.
"Oh, nothing. I was just wondering if you would like for me to share some notes with you," she offered.
Arching a brow, I looked at her with bewilderment and my mouth slightly agape. I replied, "Seriously? That would be so totes awesome!"
"Then again, you probably, like, wouldn't be able to learn anything from it," she mocked, mimicking the way I spoke. She laughed with her hand up to her mouth as she walked passed me.
I didn't respond. All I did was scowl. God! Zoey was such a bitch! Ever since I transferred to the university, she kept making me feel lesser than her. Like, I didn't know why she was treating me like that. It's so ridic. I proceeded out of the building and headed straight to my philosophy class, going up a long hill and entering another building, 30 feet away from my last class.
Unfortunately, before I could head in, I had to make a quick stop the ladies' room. I knew I shouldn't have drunken so much water. Once I finished, I checked myself in the mirror, fixing my smock crop top to give my boobs some more room while readjusting my hair. That thing with Zoey had really frizzled my perm a little. Suddenly, I winced as something hit me as droplets fell from my face and my breathing exasperated. Feeling my legs rubbing against each other, I bit my lower lip while my right hand started groping my left breast. I reached into my purse and pulled out a vial, and quickly took two pills. Unfortunately, those pills take a couple of minutes to kick. So, like, the only thing to do now was to rub one out. Walking into one of the stalls, I took off my jeans and pulled my panties down. My breathing increased when I trailed my fingers against the folds of my pussy, putting two of them in and moved them in and out. With the other hand, I lifted up my shirt before unhooking my bra and giving my girls some air as I rubbed against the nipple on the right one. I was aware of the time. I needed to get it over with. Over and over, I panted as the motion of my fingers increased until, finally, I came while feeling my vag squirt like a water fountain; a fast-acting side-effect to the drug.
In a matter of seconds after that, the pills had kicked in and my body cooled down. I was, like, super lucky I locked the door. If someone had walked in, I would be in trouble. It was that time of the season for me. I was going into heat. You see, unlike humans, we werewolves don't have a minstrel cycle like where we have our periods once a month, we, like, go through a cycle of heat and if we're not careful, we werewolves might pounce on whoever walks by, which is totes crae.
Like, I would forget taking these pills and might pounce on Ryu. Luckily, I had my cooling pills with me for this special occasion. Then again, he is sort of cute. Maybe, that wouldn't be so bad. Shaking that thought out of my head, I admonished myself mentally: No! No, Cristina! That would be bad as you would break the roommate agreement and he would never forgive you! After I was finished, I waltzed out of the bathroom and went to class.
The day went by fast, having been assigned by my professor to read this guy, Voltaire, and to study his "Political Writings". Then a thought came to me: Maybe, I should ask Ryu for help. I mean, he does know a lot about history and philosophy. How I knew that was because of two days ago when he got my bracelet out of the sink. During that time, he told me about how the Romans discovered indoor plumbing and brought water in their houses, but, like, didn't know anything about lead poisoning, which he said contributed to their demise. Then right when he got my bracelet out, he remarked his lecture with a quote by this Confucius guy: "By three methods, we may learn wisdom: First, by reflect, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest," or something like that. I didn't really understand what he meant, but I just nodded and pretended I got what he said.
I walked pass a werewolf gathering at the courtyard, which I stopped and listened. I stood next to a skinny pale man and a curly redheaded girl in a tube-top. I could tell they were fellow werewolves because of their scent and also because of the slits in their eyes. However, the people speaking at the gathering were not.
Standing on the stage was a young human with short blonde hair and green eyes, wearing red clothes that said "Down with shaming", shouting, "So, to thank all of you 'Lycanthrope-Americans' for coming to this rally, I hope you have a nice, politically-correct time at your spring semester!"
I leaned next to the girl and asked, "What does he mean by Lycanthrope-American?"
She shrugged and replied nonchalantly, "I don't know. It's just something that they think won't hurt our feelings. Honestly, I wouldn't care if someone calls me a werewolf." The way she spoke sounded thick and exotic like from Russia or anywhere from Eastern Europe.
"Yeah, like they know how we werewolves feel," the skinny guy remarked sarcastically. "These are just a bunch of SJWs wanting to feel good about themselves and are only holding this thing to make it look like they're on our side just to stroke their egos."
I didn't get what he was saying. So, I just snuck away and headed up on top of the hill, far away from the gathering and sat at the bus stop. 30-minutes-later, I stood holding the pole at the bus, waiting for my stop to arrive while trying my best to avoid getting sexually assaulted by horny businessmen. Finally, I managed to survive the ride, getting off as fast as I could and got away, climbing up the stairs of the building and walked into my apartment.
Closing the door behind me, I took off my shoes and sauntered into the living room, seeing my roommates sitting on the couch and watching TV. However, I saw that while Ryu's was glued to the screen, Jessica was just staring at space with a flushed face, which made me feel a little concerned.
"So, how was your day?" Ryu asked without looking away.
"I don't want to talk about it right now. You?" I replied quizzically.
"Same. Work was exhausting and I don't want to discuss it, at the moment." putting the remote down, he pulled out his smartphone and turned to Jessica and me. He asked with a plain demeanor, "You guys want anything to eat because I'm going to order take-out, if that's okay with you guys."
Shrugging my shoulders, I smiled and replied, "Sure. What are you ordering?"
"Pizza."
"Ooh! Then I'll have meat-lovers on my side!"
"Jessica, you want any?"
Shaking her head, the vampire girl snapped out of her daze and looked at the human boy with a puzzling stare.
"What?" she said.
"I asked if you're okay with pizza for dinner?" Ryu repeated.
"Oh, sure. Make my side a vegetarian," Jessica replied with a smile.
We' all waited patiently for our dinner to arrive and, in the meantime, we sat and watched what was on. However, I had this nudging feeling that there was an air of frustration and awkwardness in the atmosphere and something told me we were going to be talking about that once our food arrived.
- COMMENTS
Wildwood55about 2 years agoNot only is the grammar and sentence structure poor, you don' t seem to understand how the world works.
You have a character getting physically accosted by her boss, and she just takes it. That just doesn't happen. Sure, this is a famtasy world because there are vampires, weres, etc, but unless you give a rational explanation for abnormal reactioms, you shatter something called suspension of disbelief, (SoD).
SoD is when a reader is willing to accept non-real characters and situations. Without good character & world development, a writer cannot acheive SoD in their readers.
For example, a landlord would never just shrug off massive damage to an apartment. Do you have any clue what a new granite counter top would cost, to say nothing of the fact an apartment with granite countertops would be way out of the rental price range for three college students.
Add to that the force it would take for a flesh & bone body to break a granite countertop would likely be fatal. If the werewolf's body has transformed and is strong and resistant to physical injury like any other flesh & bone body, you must set that up before hand, giving your readers an explanation and reason to believe something which breaks the laws of basic physics.
Also, sheetrock & plaster are not used together. Plaster is a much older form of wall covering which originally used strips of wood as a base for a plaster top coat. For a while in the 60's, double layer strips of sheetrock was used, but this technique didn't last long.
Sheetrock is fastened to bare studs, the joints are taped & lightly mudded with something slightly similar to plaster, called mud. The walls & ceiling are typically textured, then painted.
Last, you have many incorrect instances of the incorrect use of adjectives vs adverbs. Here is an exmaple from the first paragraph: "I scolded myself mentally with a wanly expression."
The verb in the sentence is 'scolded'. You correctly used the adverb 'mentally' to further described how the scolding was done. It's easy to remember that adverbs only modify or are use with verbs, because of the word verb being in both.
The phrase 'with a wanly expression' incorrectly uses an adverb 'wanly', (not certain there is such a word), to describe the chracter's expression. 'Expression' is not a verb, it describes no action; it is a thing. When you are describing things you must use adjectives. The correct form of the word and proper usage would be 'a wan expression'.
Though the grammar is correct, the problem still exists in the misuse of the word 'wan'. The definition of wan is a light, or pale complexion, the color of one's skin, not an expression their face might form.
You need some serious help editing, or some in depth learning of grammar and word usage. The first two chapters are difficult to read; it's like trying to read a foreign language which you don't know fluently, so you have to read a sentence, then stop to figure out what it means.
In this case, your writing is forcing the reader to edit all of your sloppy writing just to read a atory. Too mmuch work for most readers.
If you want to be a writer, you have to do the work it takes to be a competent writer. The purpose of the written word is to communicate thoughts & ideas; it what separates us from the animal world. If your readers cannot understand what you mean in your written word, and are forced to edit as they read, you are not communicating successfully.
It's a lot of work to be a writer, even more hard work to be a good writer. Don't insult the art of writing by being lazy; put in the work it takes to be a technically competent writer.
Then you can find out if you have any talent for the craft, or if your story ideas are any good.
Oh, yeah, the Romans didn't 'discover' plumbing, they 'invented' plumbing.
SpookMeisterover 4 years agoIf an editor is more hassle than you want to deal with, consider simply getting a Google account and pasting your work into a document to take advantage of their built in spelling and grammar tools. It won't catch everything, but it can be very helpful
That, plus a second pair of eyes if you can find them, will work wonders.
ZZchromosomeover 5 years agoYou've got a great story here, just keep telling the story. We readers will just have to work harder if the grammar is odd or the spelling is off or something. I'm enjoying your storytelling, so keep up the good work..
RockmeHard1234almost 6 years agoAuthorYeah, sorry about that. I don't really have much of an editor and it's hard to keep track of these errors.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoI’m really enjoying the premise of your story but there are a number of little things that need correction, not so much spelling errors but continuity errors like when Jessica went to work she put her umbrella away but when she went on her break you said it was good the bench was covered because she forgot her … broom.
