All Comments on 'Bliss from the Past'

Your story has interesting characters and situations. Your writing will be much more enjoyable to read if you work with one a good editor.

I am a little surprised this could be posted as both girls are underage, or did I miss something?

I was very impressed that this was your first story, it was well developed and very sweet. I would agree with FiveWolves that a little editing would have helped, nothing major, and likely would have been caught by any new eye... I do this all the time myself (emails, FB postings etc)... you read your own writing as you expected it to be written, or what you were saying in your mind while you were writing...not really seeing it as is.

I am excited to see what you post next... Thank you for sharing!

This quite good .... In fact, I liked it tremendously, I agree with the previous comments about the editing, but in general, it was awesome for your first time.

Keep it up!

For a first effort, not bad, but you could do with reading your own work more carefully or finding a good editor. The age of consent business is a bit tricky because it's sixteen here in the UK but I understand that in most US states it's eighteen or over. I believe that Literotica requires characters in a sexual relationship to be eighteen or over.

But for me the implausible bit was McKayla's education and career. You have her graduating from law school and becoming a 'very good detective' and still being under 21 years of age. Unless she's a genius (and a very lucky genius at that), that is very unlikely. Law school would probably take her to at least 22 or 23 and then she'd have to serve quite a few years in a police force before being selected to be a detective. In reality, McKayla would be nearer 30 before she accomplished what you had her doing at 20. I know fiction requires the reader to suspend disbelief to an extent but at least make your fiction as plausible as possible.

Nicely done, I really enjoyed this story.