Book 02: A Match Made Ch. 04

"Please don't." The blues showed her disappointment. "You know I love how you love me, Kara, but not today. Please. We have to get dressed and be ready when Destiny comes. I have to work tomorrow, but after Christmas there's not much else going on. There will be more than enough quiet time for us to love."

Kara got to her feet and turned off the water. "Okay, you win. I don't want you to stress out." I got up and wrapped my arms around her. She pushed my arms away. "No, we have to get dressed."

"I just wanted to give you a kiss, lover." She shook her head and opened the door. Okay, I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. I'm the one who stopped her.

We dried each other off as was our custom. Each of us blew our hair dry, me as quickly as I could. I looked in the mirror and was shocked at what I saw. Carefree and happy a moment ago, something had changed. Kara looked to be on edge. I couldn't imagine why and it bugged me that I didn't have time to find out.

I dressed quickly, choosing a navy blue wool dress with half sleeves in a simple A-line design. Red pumps worked. I had makeup in my purse; I can put it on at work. As I came out of the closet I opened my mouth to ask Kara for her opinion but stopped in my tracks. Her eyes looked vacant, her face drawn, worried, and deathly pale. The transformation was so complete it took my breath away. I took her hand, pulled her to her feet and hugged her. She responded tepidly.

"Come on you, we'll go downstairs and wait. I'll put coffee on." We started down the stairs, none too quickly. Still holding her hand I headed to the kitchen. "Sit, honey, I'll make toast or something while the coffee's brewing. A nod was her reply. I put in a filter, measured the coffee, and turned it on. Kara stared vacantly out the window. What on earth happened? I split a bagel and put it in the toaster. It popped up before the coffee finished dripping. Margarine and a bit of strawberry preserves -- half a bagel for each of us. I put the plates on the table and went to get the coffee.

"Ah, that's much better," I said as I put coffee on the table. Kara watched as I sat. "Honey, what's going on?"

"Going on? Nothing, why?" The tone was listless, lifeless.

"You were bubbly and bright when we woke up and in the shower. Some kind of pall has come over you. I can't figure it out for the life of me. What's the matter?" The doorbell rang; I stood. "Oh good, she's here. Let me go say hello."

** Kara **

The doorbell put me on edge. We had discussed it and at the time it seemed like a good idea but now that it was here, I'm not feeling great about it. Why do these women want to help me... us? They must have an angle... a motive. I can't do this! They are going to hurt me... hurt Lissy! "NO!! Don't open the door!" Every cell of my body is shaking, afraid. I can't move... I can't stop her!

At the door already, Lissy stops and jerks her body around at my outburst. Her eyes are worried; one look and she hurries to me. "Lover, what is it?" One hand holds me close around my waist while the other caresses my cheek. I can feel my body instantly relax against hers, her touch and voice my compass.

"I'm scared... they might hurt us." The tears start as I bury my face in her neck. Both her arms are now tight around me, rocking me gently.

Her calm tone soothes me as she says, "Kara, no, they won't hurt us." Kisses in my hair. "You're home now; no one is going to hurt you..." Her voice catches, "... ever again." I nod, smearing tears and icky on her dress. "Okay lover, will you sit on the couch for me while I get the door?" I nod again. She walks me backwards, waits as I sit and pulls a blanket around me. Pulling my knees up and putting my head down, I try to just breathe. Her hand stays in my hair for just a moment before she heads back to the door.

Lissy's face must have shown my distress because I hear the door open and then just quiet movements, maybe a few whispers. It is hard to hear much at all; I'm fading. I lean into the corner cushions and sleep takes me, my body, my soul, exhausted.

** Lissy and Destiny **

Destiny and I kissed after I closed the door. She looked at me and said, "What's wrong, Lissy, you look upset?"

I answered in a whisper, saying, "I'm not sure. Kara was fine when we woke up, very cuddly, and she was her usual playful self in the shower." Destiny smiled. "I was figuring out what to wear in the closet. I came out to find her face drawn, a vacant look in her eyes. She had gotten very pale as well." Her pretty face showed confusion.

"Just like that?" I nodded.

"She was happy Kara when I walked in to get dressed and, for lack of a better term, a mess when I came out." I lifted my hands, palms up, in a universal gesture. "We came downstairs, I made coffee and bagels. She never touched hers. As a matter of fact, let me take your coat. I may as well have something to eat while we're talking." Destiny took off her coat as I finished; I hung it in the closet, and we headed to the kitchen. "Let me check on my honey." Destiny waited patiently for me to tuck the blanket around blondie. She smiled, took my hand, and we sat. I took a quick sip of coffee.

"Give me your cup, sweetie." I shook my head. "I'll get you a fresh cup and myself some fresh coffee." I came back, set the cup down, and cried. It had to be concern for Kara; this all happened so quickly. I reached for the paper napkins, dabbed at my eyes, and shook my head.

"I've only been around the two of you a handful of times, Lissy, but there's no question that you love your Kara."

"We had talked yesterday that there might be days like this, when she'd feel out of sorts for whatever reason."

"That makes sense," Destiny said, nodding. "The little I know about it suggests that there was some significant trauma."

"Yesterday was the kind of day that makes you forget all that happened since August. I don't know; maybe I should try and limit how much we do each day." Frustrated, I shook my head. "Truth is, Destiny, I'm lost. I just want to help."

She put her hand on mine. "Are you going to be okay going to work with worry on your mind?"

"I guess I have to. You came all the way out here for us. I better get going; let you two do whatever you're going to."

With a sweet smile she said, "I'm going to keep quiet as much as possible and let Kara talk. And if she doesn't want to I'll let her be quiet. I'm here for her; it's by no means an inquisition. Whatever she wants to share, I'll do my best to be supportive and nurturing. I want her to open up to me, but how much is up to her." After a sip of coffee she continued. "Shade and I talked last night and again this morning. We debated whether to ask you for input and decided against it. I want to talk to Kara with a clean slate so to speak; nothing to get in the way of whatever she tells me."

I felt encouraged by what Destiny told me. It helped, knowing she would listen, not having any input other than what she's seen. It made me a lot less nervous about going to work and leaving Kara in the condition I had seen her in.

I dumped the mostly uneaten bagel in the garbage and put the plate and cup in the dishwasher.

"Help yourself to whatever you like, Destiny. I'll say goodbye and get going." She had stood as I talked. She hugged me close, patting my back, doing her best to reassure me. Her smile was warm. I looked at Kara, sleeping, as I put on my coat and muffler. There was a lump in my throat but I pushed it away. You'll be fine, lover. I trust Destiny. Setting the phone (and a note) on the coffee table, I kissed her warm cheek and smiled. Destiny smiled at me again. I whispered, saying, "I love you. Thank you so much."

"Everything will be fine. Go work; we'll see you later."

I went to the garage, opened the door, got in my car, backed up, and headed to the train and work. Ugh! Mondays!

** Kara and Destiny **

Little by little my body begins to wake, to be aware. The shades must be closed but the winter sun is glowing through, casting bursts of light on the floor. I'm curled in a ball, the blanket tucked around me deliberately. My baby's work for sure. She's an expert at tucking me in. It must be the years of motherhood. The thought makes me smile, I stretch and my feet hit something... someone! I scramble to sit, forcing myself as far away as possible on the other end of the couch. I must have startled her as much as she did me; her eyes are wide. I recognize her; she was at my condo after... they brought me from... my mind begins to scramble.

Her eyes soften and she says, "Kara, we haven't officially met I don't think." She waits a moment, gauging if I'm listening, then continues; "I'm Destiny..." another pause. "Shade and I helped Lissy find you and bring you home." There's something about her; sincerity? How can I trust her? Lissy says I can; I trust my baby. You can trust her Kara. My heartbeat begins to slow; I think I can actually hear better now.

"Kara?" Her voice is still even. I blink a few times; my eyes must have glazed over. My body relaxes and I force a brief grin. "If you would like to call Lissy, her phone is right there on the table." She points to my right. I look and Lissy's phone is there with a note underneath. I inch a bit on the couch until I can reach it. I open the folded piece of paper.

Lover... I hated leaving you this morning without saying goodbye but you were sleeping peacefully. I tucked you in and gave you a kiss. Destiny will be there when you wake up; you can trust her, honey. Please talk to her. I think she can help you sort through some of your hurt and confusion. Call me anytime and as much as you need to, but it's also okay if you don't. I'm here for you lover and I'm never... NEVER leaving you again. Yours, xxoo

Again with the tears... Will they ever stop coming? These were happy tears though. I missed her so much, and we are finally back together... and she STILL loves me. I smile, fold it and return it to the table. I won't call yet, I want to be strong. I look back at Destiny; she's been sitting there so patiently. Her aura is peaceful; it comforts me. We smile at each other, confirming we're indeed okay with the situation. It's a simple gesture but it leads the way to our talk.

We start out slow. We talk about how Lissy and I met, her kids, what they thought of us and how we had been looking for a place to move in together. That last is when I start to stumble, to think about how it all had gone so bad so quickly. Destiny realized we had entered the beginning of the serious conversation and inches closer to me on the couch. She doesn't touch me but is close enough that she could if she wanted to.

"Is this okay Kara?" Her eyes warm, with a soft smile on her lips. I nod. As she moves closer, I get more comfortable. Does that even make sense? Have you ever met someone who exuded that kind of feeling... calmness? Her hand cautiously moves on top of mine, I smile. Her touch feels good. It's not romantic, it's peaceful.

Her voice is as soft as her touch. "If you want, tell me about Alexis. How she came between you and Lissy." My eyes drop to my lap. I'm so ashamed but I have to tell someone; get it all out.

"Years ago I met... Alexis." Her name has to be forced from my mouth. My voice thickens as I say, "We began as lovers." Thinking of her like that makes me shudder. Destiny squeezes my hand gently and I continue. "When she told me she was a Domme, I was immediately interested in the lifestyle. I'm not entirely sure why but I remember being an eager 'student'. After a while I pushed for more. Our relationship had changed drastically. I was her slave, willingly, and I... I enjoyed it." My voice trails off and my head droops... she must think I'm a freak.

"Kara, look at me." I raise my head slowly until our eyes meet. "Nothing you tell me will make me think any different of you." I shake my head, yeah right. You don't have any idea. My eyes show my skepticism; she responds, "If you think I'm full of shit, wait until you hear about how Shade and I met and fell in love. Trust me, it wasn't common ... and I wouldn't change a thing." There are so many ways you can tell when two people love each other; one is how their body reacts when they say their lover's name. Her face lit up; her shoulders and hands very expressive. I half laugh and, smirking at me, she says, "Yeah, I'm pretty transparent when it comes to my honey. I promise to tell you all about her, us, but today we're here for you." Another gentle squeeze of my hand and I feel my confidence building again.

"As I settled more into my new role, Alexis became bolder. She would push my limits with every session. At some point, I realized that I was withdrawing into myself. I was creating a reality where I deserved the punishment I received. Subconsciously, or maybe it wasn't, I'd purposely disobey and push her to discipline me more often." I hadn't realized I was crying until I saw the tears fall onto Destiny's hand that is still covering mine.

Her other hand lifts my chin as she says, "Kara, I would like to hold you. May I?" My eyes squint, confused. "It's always easier for me to talk about difficult things when I feel secure. I don't have to, I just want you to know I'm here." Before she gets the last few words out, I scoot until our legs are touching and I lay my head on her shoulder. I can feel her smile as her free hand wraps around my waist and holds me close, keeping her other hand on mine. She is right, I do feel better.

"Okay then, continue Kara... please."

I swallow hard and take a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. My voice starts out a bit hoarse. "Let me skip to the end... well the end of our relationship." Destiny nods and gives me a squeeze. "I don't remember what I had done to deserve this particular reprimand but Alexis was livid. Normally she was experienced at keeping her feelings in check during our sessions, but she... she wasn't herself. Hit after hit on my legs, my arms, my side... hitting me harder, faster." My body stiffens as I recall that day. Rubbing the top of my hand with her thumb, Destiny urges me to go on. "I screamed out for her to stop... I used our safe word. She didn't... she wouldn't. I remember the blood. It splattered onto her face after one of the strikes, finally snapping her out of her trance. She untied me and I ran. God how I ran, Destiny."

"Oh honey!" Her voice shaky, she rocked me back and forth. "Kara, that's enough for now." I nod and then nuzzle into her neck. I'm not sure if it's okay, but it felt right. She strokes my hair and holds me gently to her. We sit there for however long, just rocking and crying, both of us.

When the tears cease, I lean back to look at this wonderfully compassionate woman. She smiles warmly but I'm pretty sure her eyes are as red and puffy as mine. Her laugh tells me I look a mess. We both giggle. Why? Who knows and who cares. It feels good. She stands and walks away for just a moment, returning with a box of Kleenex. More giggles. We help ourselves to several as we blow noses, rub eyes and try to clean up the best we can. Friendships start many ways, and at this moment, I knew we'd be friends for life. There was that unspoken connection; it was special.

"How about we get something to eat and relax for a bit?" That sounds wonderful! I realize I'm starving. I stand, she follows suit and we head to the kitchen. Breakfast? Lunch? Whatever; it's quiet. We make sandwiches together, sit and eat with almost no words said. I think we both needed a break from the emotional toll of our conversation; a chance to reflect.

Lissy and I have sat at this table many times and eaten our whatever. My mind wanders to her often; each time brings strong feelings. Recently those feelings have been torturous. So much guilt and self-hate but that's over now. I'm thrilled to be home. No, technically this isn't my home, but Lissy is. I'm in awe that she's taken me back, given me another chance. I need to figure out what's wrong with me... I can't mess this up again. She's too important; we're important.

It's been this way since we met - these intense feelings. Who knows what it is; we've both tried many times to understand our connection. We decided it just is. No need to explain. When I saw her at the cocktail party two years ago my heart skipped. It still happens every time I see her, by the way. There was something inside of me drawing me to her. I remember standing there for a few minutes, just watching. My heart began to race as I took her in... how she carried herself, pretended to like her husband (wink), oh and that smile... god, she's beautiful. She's mine. I don't need anything else the rest of my life, as long as I have her.

The clank of the plate in the sink makes me jump.

"I'm so sorry Kara, I didn't mean to startle you. I could tell you were thinking of something nice. I was trying so hard to be quiet." Isn't she sweet? I smile and shake my head to clear it. She walks back to the table, grabs my plate and says, "Thinking about your honey, huh?"

My smile widens, reaching my eyes. "Am I that obvious?"

She laughs. "Oh, I'm an expert on that look. I know what love looks like, Kara." I stand and walk towards her as she finishes rinsing the plate and putting it in the dishwasher. Do you believe in fate? Shrug. I'm not sure if it's real either, but that night I saw Lissy and whatever brought Destiny and Shade into our lives, it's as close to proof I have that it is.

She turns and sees me standing behind her, smiles brightly; her green eyes warm and happy. We didn't have to speak; she felt the connection too. I walk another step and wait. She opens her arms and we hug tightly. This wasn't passion. It was compassion, one soul feeding another. It felt so damn good I'm not sure I want to let go. But we had to, and when we step apart, I feel recharged. I'm pretty sure I'm blushing.

Destiny giggles and says, "Why thank you. That was one of the nicest hugs I've ever received."

Where did this woman come from? I mean really! What could I do but smile back? I know if I look in the mirror right now my eyes would be bright blue. They change colors a lot, and these are my happy eyes.

"Destiny, would you mind if I call Lissy? She's probably wondering if I'm okay."

"Take your time. I'll be in the living room when you're done."

"Thank you; I'll join you in a few minutes." She walks out as I pull the phone from my robe pocket. Why did I get back into my pajamas?! Okay, first thing's first, call your honey.

I dial and it maybe rings once. "Kara! How are you lover?" Before I could get half a word out she blurts, "Are you okay? God, I'm so sorry for leaving. I can come home..."

"Lissy?"

"No lover, I know. Just let me tell my boss and I'll be home in... what's the time... one fifteen... half hour at most. Will you be okay until I..."

"Baby?" Her words were flying out a mile a minute. I almost don't want to stop her, she's so adorable.

"Is Destiny still there? Tell her to stay until I get there, okay?" Geez, just stop already!

"Lissy!" No, I didn't yell. Just enough zip on it to get her attention.

"Sorry, I'm a mess it seems. Go ahead."

"I'm fine really." Her sigh of relief is loud through the phone. I should have called sooner. "Destiny is... amazing. I don't know why but I feel so at ease with her. We stumbled a bit when I woke up but she had me talking soon enough and then I just... it just started coming out. I hope this doesn't upset you, but I've told her things I haven't told anyone."

"Oh Kara... no, I'm not upset." I can hear the tears in her voice, "That is the most wonderful news. Shade said she thought you and Destiny would hit it off and she was obviously right. How could I be upset about you finding a way to get all of that... whatever... sadness... anger... out of you? No lover, I'm happy, so happy!" .My heart is strumming wildly, as usual. I'm elated to hear her approval but a stabbing pain hit me when she said 'anger'. It brought back the memory of our horrible encounter. I still have a lot to talk about, stuff to work through. I can't EVER do that again. I'll leave before I hurt her again. My mind is off and running, forgetting my baby is on the phone.