All Comments on 'Brainy Teen Ch. 01'

That was sooo hot! I got so wet reading it and had to masturbate. PLEASE continue this story!!! I cant wait to read more

I have been enjoying this series, well written, on the The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive, under author "YourName," up to twelve chapters now. It's nice to widen the distribution.

And I look forward to the series' continued development. Thanks!

Please write more. This story is so hot. I am creaming in my jeans here!

It sounds like Wendy is falling hard for Sarah. I love it!

...can you really call it "Wendy falling hard for Sarah" when in fact it's brainwashing/behaviour modification at work?

Wonderful story...please continue!

It's a really hot story. A bit long though for one chapter in a series.

Looks like Sarah used to be named Eva.

That sounds painful.

Thanks for noticing them, VerySadBoy. I'll upload a revised version during the next update.

In addition to the 'earrings on the eyes', your grammar is all over the place.. changes in tense, so much so that you seem not to be aware of changes in present and past tense at all... in another place you started one of your paragraph-long sentences for Wendy's point of view, and switched to Sarah's mid-sentence! Basically 'she did this and then she did that', but it was obvious that it was the other girl that was doing the action by the time the sentence was over.

Your plot, characters, and story progression are all excellent and very imaginative, but you need to find someone to proofread for you, since grammar and structure are clearly not your strength.

so this is how to turn a girl into a lesbian ok

So hot, I love the storyline. I now know that I like longer stories

good story. If I had to make a small critique, it'd be that this story would've worked much better if she didn't start out hot. Have her start out maybe pudgy or with acne, and then part of her corruption/tf is caring more about looks and working to get more attractive

Love the story line, hot and exciting I can’t wait to read more! But like others need to have someone proof read and correct. But great story

Yeah, needs proofreading and should have a sci fi tag as well. Bio markers and gas? Come on.