All Comments on 'Breach of Security'

I can't believe this is your first story!I love your characterizations and the way you build the whole thing up to a boiling point. The teasing was fun, too! It got me! Thanks and please write more!

Well, I'm giving you the highest rating, in spite of two things. For one, you're my ex-girlfriend, so that automatically makes it a bit weird, but I won't hold that against you. Two, the dialogue was a bit inconsistent. At times, it was excellent, at times it seemed a bit forced. The thing I liked best was the same thing I've always liked about you, your tremendous vocabulary. You utilized it extremely well and effectively. The story was good, although clearly fiction...that sort of thing just doesn't happen. Well...not in my experience, anyway. Good use of humor, not in that it's rolling-on-the-floor funny, but in that it's well-placed throughout the story. All in all, I'd say it's fantastic for a first effort. Well done. -Ryan