All Comments on 'Breaking Her In, Again'

I can’t believe I’m the first to comment on this story. You can surely describe a good sex scene, but you need a lot more organization to your writing. If you want to jump about in time like this, I suggest you use the old clock ruse—you know THURSDAY 2 PM and such. Just jumping like you did is very confusing. Also keep track of how your characters are dressed. If I’m not mistaken you have her admiring the bulge in his shorts after he had taken them off. I rate it a three, but properly handled, this could have been a 5.

Switching back and forth needs cues to let the reader know. I started skipping on the first page and headed to the end because of it.

Just another worthless slut and cuck story. Pretty funny though to think it was written by a real man. Had me laughing my ass off thinking how ridiculous that is.

They could throw this whore into a volcano, but it would spit her.out.

Excellent writing, but popping back and forth in time was very confusing. You could simply use visual markers such as punctuation or italics, etc. in addition, I definitely prefer getting much of the story before the sex. I love a slow burn. Just moving all the sex until after the boat stall would make this read at least a star better IMO. The boat/sailing details were just awesome. That is an incredibly sexy setup for a mind blowing sexual scenario. I would love part 2. As a side note, what is up with all these sexually confused dudes who read porn, knowing what is going to happen, and then throw a tantrum?