by LovingMan60
Hey this is one of my favorites. I didn't find it pretentious, I thought it was ambitious, but not in the way that writing 20 pages is ambitious. I'd love to see more.
Agree with the Anonymous of 9 years ago. Incredibly pretentious, and simultaneously incredibly dismissive of others. Feels like the author is compensating for insecurity. Also, work on proper sentence structure. (For example, read the third-to-last paragraph. It's *one sentence* 7+ lines long with over 30 commas! Incredibly poor construction). Taken all together, I almost get the sense that this might be intended to be parody, except it's not nearly clever or humourous enough. That's not a place you want your writing to be.
This writing insists upon itself too much. It's over the top in thinking it is more clever, and more profound than it is. Try pulling back half a notch
Well written, perfect buildup to the moment of breeding/seeding!! More, please?!
Future stories skip the "--" between words not requiring it as it confuses rather than helps, like "thought--and".