All Comments on 'Bren & Lanie Ch. 01'

my kind of story...well written...you need to fill in some of the blanks.....so part 2 soon

there were too many distracting grammar and spelling errors to rate a higher score of only 3 out of a possible 5. This story seems to warrant another chapter or two so get busy with your writing. I have a feeling that the mother senses a bonding of her two children and possibly even condones its. Maybe in the your next chapter this can be incorporated into your story - even consider having the mother become a part of the love making. Don't forget to use an editor,spell-check/grammar check with your next chapter and/or story.

Pretty good indeed. Maybe a longer introduction would have made no harm. I am confident Part 2 will get even better.

Could be a very hot story, but it is a difficult read as it is missing a great many punctuation marks and the paragraphs are much too long. If you used an editor, you may want to think about changing to a better one. Believe me, I learned the hard way.

Also, your story needs more explanation, especially at the beginning. A slap coming from her brother's girlfriend needs more said about it.

Can't wait to read the next chapter. Soon I hope.

When he "started to message his now rock hard cock" how did he do it? Email? Morse code? Call it on his cell phone? Text message?

Get a proof reader.

way to short never leave that many holes in a story. 90% of writers here never post asecond chapter or never finish a story so always bring each chapter to a close. and never leave the readers hanging readers hate cliffhangers when a writer never finishes the story.

This story was okay but punctuation and spelling brought my rating for this story down. You need to fill in the holes and have a second chapter. Work with an editor to proof read your next attempt.Good luck in the future

Can't wait till the next chapter, Thanks for your time and effort.

I enjoyed what I read of you story though to be honest by about halfway through I was more skimming than reading. The multiple spelling and grammar errors made the story difficult to read. When you post the second chapter be sure to have someone proofread it first. Could be a great story if the errors are fixed.

Even though it was short it was a good read. True, there were a few mistakes in grammer and word usage but overall I enjoyed the story. Please continue it. And to all those anonymous contributors please just sack up! If you are going to bag on an author at least have the spine to use your handle so we can see perfection in your endeavors as an example to us all.

The theme and where you were trying to go with the story was quite good but the story as a whole needed A LOT of work: as many have said already. Plus there is a big hole with what the mother has said, and there must be a history that led to this moment and you left all that out. Also, like someone else says, most of the authors go days, months if not years before they make a sequel and quite frankly, people like myself forget about your story shortly after we read it. It's fine to post a short story but make sure the content is there within the story that you posted.

Yes you are hiding behind the title "anonymous". Let us see something you all wrote if you can. No balls. It is alltogether possible it is a true story and when I used to write stories I would get so excited retelling them that I would make lots of mistakes. I had a few critics nail me and thus I quit writing. Wouldn't it be a shame ir all the writers you rag on would quit sending stories. You would have to jerk off to a girly mag. The story was good even if it had a couple mistakes. Next time he can edit it himself or maybe he won't bother to write again because of you.

Seriously, "cousin's"?? Why not "bag's", "key's", "nipple's" and every other word with an s on the end?

And "cummed" - what the hell? It's "came"!!!

Reading this, I felt myself getting dumber by the paragraph. I was afraid that by the end I would find I was mysteriously wearing a baseball cap - backwards!

I liked your story. Yes, some editing would help but Don't get disheartened by the critics, good premiss, I would like to read more of your work. Thank you.

"Yes you are hiding behind the title "anonymous""

<P>

Yeah, well so are you, asshole. Ya know making an anonymous post that slams someone for posting anonymously is ignorant, moronic, and hypocritical. Sounds like the drubbing you got was well deserved.

One the people who write these stories are generallt amature authors who have VOLUNTER editors. if you don't like some mistakes in the story then you should go out and buy a skin mag where they do have fulltime authors to write and fulltime editors to proofread the material.

Another thing if any of you grammar police think you can do any better then step up to the fucking plate and see what you can do. and keep this pissing matches out of the replies!

They're chickenshits! Not so terrible a story that a spellcheck and editor couldn't fix. Keep plugging away you're not that bad of a writer.

listen to the anonymous comments most of all THEY are the only honest comments. you repeated a lot of the same things in the same sentence a good editor will help with that proofreading yourself will also. if you want to improve listen and heed the advice of the readers except the rave reviews they are only kiss ass reviews not real reviews. find a good editor delete your stories and have the editor help you rewrite them and never post a story without going through a good editor first. as is this deserves no more than a 2 out of 5 as it was very difficult to read and tell what you were trying to say.

why do grade school dropouts think they can write without a good editors help. this is one of the worst stories here it needs a total rewrite.

such a hot buildup

"Bren And Lanie Ch. 01:" - Twenty-one Year Old Narrator Sister, Lanie and Twenty Year Old Brother, Brendan (OR Brendon?).

All Anonymous commenters should be limited to three (3) words total, as most of them are failures in life, having fears to own-up to their drivel and bad-mouthing. They have to be critical to somebody, so the pick on amateur to good to great writer/authors and unload due to having jealousy factors.

Being a good to great writer is time consuming. It's akin to learning to walk...it takes time, effort, the muscles must strengthen, the equilibrium needs practice and workouts; the whole operation needs consistent and timely workouts. Amateur, to good to great writers must use similar techniques.

Your theme story and context are very good. Some background of each character is always expected in order to ground the story to some locale of noteworthiness. The characters must cause an attachment to most readers expectations.

Love stories with a basis of romance is always a winner. Stories of incest cannot be good if it's turned into a stroke story with rough sex, no respect of the male and female character. Incest stories are very similar to heterosexual couples who, for the most part, don't involve any more than than their one partner.

There are many other stories and writers, on 'Literotica' that will fill those readers desires; don't fee as though you have to please every reader...just those that you feel comfortable in writing for.

Brenden and Lanie are lovely, and obviously very in love with each other, siblings. As that's the theme, and the manner you feel your story to take, for the siblings to convey, then that's the way the story should continue. Though they are sensible adolescent siblings, they have lots of respect for each other, being considerate for the needs of their sibling/partner. They seem to have made long-term commitments to each other, which is a necessity for these types of male/female incest partnerships.

Keep writing.....you'll be "walking" in no time. Before you know it you'll be making this lovely sibling/couple parents. Their mother will be an overly joyful and grateful, several times grandmother! My apologies for the lengthy soapbox oratory!