Brian's Adventures Ch. 01

"To London where a man can do anything." I replied with a defiant look.

"Don't be silly boy, you're staying here and working the market and that's the end of it." My father decreed fully believing that he could order me to stay.

"No father, I'm going to London." I said firmly as I turned to walk away from him.

"Don't you walk away from me boy!" My father snapped; he had lost his cool and his anger roared to the surface. "I will not have you shirk your responsibilities boy!" He said as he grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. "You're my son and I won't have you abandon your family!" He snarled his displeasure and disappointment while looking me square in the eye.

"I'm going to London father and you can't stop me!" I said with cool determination in my voice as I glared back into his eyes staring him down.

It was a long moment before anyone spoke and the tension was thick. We looked at each other deep in the eye waiting for the other to break. I knew that I could not stay there any longer; the time had come for me to leave. For better or worse my future lay over that hill and down the road. I could not give in to my father, though I loved him dearly and wanted his blessing, I could bend to his will this time.

"Fine, go." My father snorted as he let go of my arm and turned to walk back to the market stand. "You'll be back." He said over his shoulder. "Go break your mother's heart before you leave." He said and didn't look at me again.

"You must understand father, it's something I must do." I said standing there hoping for him to understand at least a part of it.

"You still here?" My father said as he organized his cabbages while keeping his back to me.

"I don't really want to go. All I know is that I feel out of place here." I continued, trying to leave things on better terms with my father.

"Oh I see! We're not good enough for you is that it?" He replied with a hurt look as he turned to face me once more.

"That's not it! All I know is that my future lay down that road!" I said while pointing to the road out of town.

"Go chase your future than." My father sneered as he looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "I have work to do." He finished and than did not acknowledge my presence anymore.

"Goodbye father." I said with all the regret and pain of knowing I had hurt him so.

Slowly I turned to walk to our house on the modest farm that was not that far from town. As I left he did not answer me, I never heard him say goodbye. A mile or two down the road it was and I remember the cloud of self-doubt that plagued me the whole trip. I remember walking to the place that was my home for as long as I knew for the last time. I looked at it long and hard wanting to remember every detail of it for years to come. I can still describe every last thing to you now, though I will not bore you with details that mean nothing to you.

It was a small farm with a single room shack on it. How me and my six brothers and four sisters slept in that with my mother and father I don't know. The sad thing is that the animals had as good a shack to sleep in as we did, and about as large too. The older of my brothers and sisters were out working the fields when I came on them that morning. My mother was in the house with the younger ones making a meal and tending to other domestic duties.

"Where've you been?" Shouted my eldest brother John. "There's work to be done." He gruffly continued; as I approached him as he was pulling some weeds from amongst the crops.

"I had some things to attend to this morning." I replied calmly and I was about to continue but John cut me off before I could speak.

"See to your personal business at night." John said hastily with a scolding tone of voice. "Now get to work or father will have your hide!" John finished with a little friendlier tone but still somewhat gruffly. He acted almost as if he were giving me advice for my own good that he strongly suggested I took, as older brothers tend to do.

"I see you have the work well in hand John." I said with a smile, while indicating my siblings working in the field. "I'm heading to London to make something of myself." I said proudly while standing a little taller.

"So old Osterant took you on did he?" John said looking unimpressed. I could see in his eye that he too felt I was making a mistake.

"He would have, but he left this morning." I replied and paused for a moment to gather my nerve. "I'm going on my own." I finished, still looking as tall and proud as I could, trying to hide my self-doubts.

"Excuse me?" John said now looking puzzled and wearing an expression that told me he thought I was an idiot. "What are you going to do, walk?" John asked with a chuckle and a shake of the head.

"What's up Brian? Where you been this morning?" Asked one of my other brothers as the rest of my siblings who were working the field gathered around.

"Brian's walking to London, that's what." John snorted without taking his eyes off of me.

"You're leaving Brian?" Susan, my younger sister asked with a hurt tone. "Why?" She asked with pleading eyes, wanting to understand.

"What's all this about?" My mother asked as she approached the small crowd that had gathered around me.

"Brian's leaving and he won't say why!" Susan half-shouted in a tattletale way, as if she had caught me doing something I shouldn't.

"What's this?" My mother asked curiously. "I thought Mr. Osterant left earlier this morning." My mother added with curiosity and a twinge of confusion in her voice.

"I know that mother and I'm not going with Mr. Osterant . . . I'm going on my own." I said firmly as I looked into the eyes of my mother whose face went from curiosity to pale, then to a hurt and pained expression.

"What?" She asked in a quiet voice, almost a whisper.

"It's time I left mother. It's time I made my way in the world." I said with tears in my eyes as I tried to hold back the pain of the knowledge I was hurting my mother. "It's something I must do." I finished and swallowed hard, hoping that she would understand.

"Why?" She asked with tears in her eyes and a heart-wrenching look on her face that tore at my heart.

I thought for a moment on exactly what to say and had a hard time to come up with proper words. How could I tell her that the home she tried her best to make for her family was not good enough? How could I say to her that I found the place that had been my home all of my life felt too confining? How could I tell her that she couldn't understand the strange feeling that was calling me away from my home? I barely understood it myself. I sighed a heavy sigh as I realized that words were failing me. I had no words to describe how I felt, I had no way to make her understand and that hurt me deeply.

"I can't explain it." I sighed heavily and looked away in shame.

"Try!" She demanded with an angry expression on her face as she grabbed my shoulder to get my attention.

"I don't belong here." I said and sighed once more. "I don't know why exactly. I can't explain it better than that." I looked back in her eyes and saw that her look had softened a touch. "I just know that I have to leave." I said with a hurt tone of my own.

It hurt me to know that I was hurting my family; I didn't know why I had to hurt them to do what I felt I needed to do. I doubted that she understood fully or even partly, but at least she could understand that it was not being done out of anger. I respected and appreciated the fact that she didn't yell at me, rather she wanted to understand, needed to understand what was going on.

"What did we do Brian?" Susan asked in a wavering voice while looking at me with piercing wet eyes.

"Nothing dear, it's nothing anyone did. I'm not mad at anyone," I said as I stroked her head while looking back at her with a comforting smile. "It's just something I have to do" I added as I looked at her for a moment longer.

"But why?" My mother asked with a tear in her eye and an equally pleading look.

"For some years now, I've had an unsettling feeling. A feeling deep down that won't let me be comfortable here." I said looking deep into her eyes before speaking again. "It started slowly and grew over time, now I know that while I love you all, and don't wish to leave; I know I must go to London." I said and fell silent.

"I understand" My mother said after a brief pause. "I can't say I like it but at least I understand it . . . I think." She said with the barest of smiles and a puzzled look.

"Thank you mother." I said as I embraced her and hugged her tight.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" She asked with a curious smile as she held my head in her hands while looking long and deep in my eyes.

"I know that it's something I must do. I know it's a lot to swallow but I know I must go." I said with a sincere sigh as I looked at the faces of those around me once more.

"When do you leave?" My mother asked, but the look on her face told me that she knew I would not delay my departure.

"I don't want to tarry any longer than I must, it is a long journey ahead." I said and bowed my head slightly as I said this; in truth I didn't want to drag out the good-byes

"C'mon then, lets get a good meal in you at least." My mother said as she put her arm around me and guided me in our humble house for the last time.

It was a good meal and I enjoyed the company of my brothers and sisters for that one last meal. It hadn't hit me entirely that I would not see them ever again. At the time I had intended to come back and visit once I had the time and money. I had hoped to go to London and make a success of myself and then come back the hero of sorts, the family rich man if you will. I had hoped to move my family to London once I could afford it. I had grand plans for myself in London, feeling that a grand life awaited me in the grand city.

I left that day with a small pack of clothes, full stomach and a modest amount of food. I didn't get that far that first day, not much further than I had been myself on previous times exploring the region. I walked as long as I could, late into the night before I dropped from exhaustion. As I curled up under a tree by the side of the road the loneliness of my journey hit me. For the first time I realized that I was completely alone in the world, I did not have my family to help me when I ran into trouble. It was an unsettling thought but as I drifted off to sleep I comforted myself with the knowledge that I was on my way.

As my journey wore on my food ran scarce and then completely out and I felt God's hand providing for me. I satisfied my hunger pangs with whatever I could find that was eatable. The occasional meal was not come by in the most honorable of ways but I hoped that heaven would understand the necessity and forgive me. I thanked john for the dagger he gave me before I left; it came in handy too. The odd time I had some small beast for dinner that had not been as quick as I at the crucial moment. I did not eat especially well on that journey, in truth I was not far from starvation. However that was a place that I had been a few times before, so I was not entirely panicked.

Eventually though the journey came to an end and I found myself in London, praising God for delivering me to my destination. I was not comforted by my arrival though, I felt completely overwhelmed and lost in the grand city. I had no idea how large or crowded it was, the scale of it was humbling to a man coming from where I came from. I had no idea that cities were that large or grand. In truth it was dirty, cramped and a bit overwhelming to the son of a simple peasant farmer.

I never could find Mr. Osterant in London, the one thing he never told me was where he went in London. It was a big city and nobody had ever heard of Mr. Osterant, much to my dismay. I had hoped to at least have his help to get some suitable work with whatever contacts he had. I wanted to be an apprentice to a merchant but my lack of experience and no influential contacts make this difficult. I talked around and spoke to a few different people and soon enough found myself down at the docks.

The only work I could get was loading and unloading the ships that came from all over. It was hard work and most nights I went home sore and tired but at least I could make a meager living at it. I had hoped to be working in a merchant shop before long but once I started to work at the docks that killed that idea. It seems that I was labeled as a laborer and not good enough for commerce.

I knew that I was not much better off than I had been back on the farm, only now I was alone. I almost gave up and headed back to the farm, in order to return to the company of my family and friends. However, the look that I imagined on my father's face always kept me from heading home with my tail between my legs.

Besides, something told me that my journey was not over and to press on. A little voice told me that whatever I was searching for was not yet within my grasp. I felt now that somehow it was God's will that I remain in London and press on with this journey, wherever it may lead me. The trouble was that I did not know just where this journey would take me and I had no clear idea of my destination. I had initially thought that London was my destination but this did not feel like the truth. That unsettling feeling had dimmed but not diminished and that in itself was troubling to me.

I spent many hours trying to understand where I was to go from here. I wanted to do the right thing and follow where God wanted me to go but no clear direction was coming to me. For some reason my patience was being tested and for the moment I knew that I was to wait in London. Something told me deep down that the next stage of my journey would find me so alas I waited.

I had been in London a year by this point and had still made few friends. My life was a dreary dull tedium of endless work, something I was used to but the loneliness in a sea of people I was not. I frequented the local pub not far from work, though I still had trouble making friends. I had drinking mates sure enough, but no steadfast friends, even after a year of being in London.

Worse yet was the fact that my financial situation had not improved in the slightest. I was still only a coin or two from homelessness and starvation so I could not afford to stop working. After a year of being in town I could not afford to return home even if I wanted to. The thought of returning home was bad enough, but to do so worse off than when I left was too much to bear. So I remained in a crowded, dirty place that also felt uncomfortable to me, treading water as it were, waiting for the next step in my journey.

On one particular evening about this time I was drowning my sorrows and easing my pain in my usual tavern. I was at a table by myself, enjoying a meal and pint of ale while unwinding from work. I was mulling over my troubles and minding my own business when some pleasant looking young lass came over. Now I should tell you that I never was that popular with the ladies and had only been kissed on a few occasions. So you can imagine my delight when this lady came up to me and started a conversation. It was a pleasant diversion from my otherwise dreary evening.

"You look like you could use some company. Would you mind buying a lady a drink or two?" Said this pleasant looking and slightly plump lass while making eyes at me.

"Certainly M'lady." I replied and tried to think of something to say as she sat down across from me.

"You here alone handsome?" She asked with a friendly smile.

"Yes." I admitted and fumbled with my words for a moment. "I'm Brian." I said, looking her in the eye briefly, not sure of what to say or do.

"I'm Greta." She smiled back. "So where are you from?" She asked inquisitively.

"You wouldn't know it?" I said with slight embarrassment.

"So you're not from around here are you?" Greta asked with a sparkle in her eye.

"No." I blushed. "I grew up in a small country town, hardly a town really." I laughed nervously. "More like a collection of shacks near a church." I finished with a chuckle and a shake of my head.

"You got a girl in town or something?" Greta asked with heightened interest while waiting for my response with curiosity.

"No." I admitted nervously with a chuckle as I tried to cover my nervousness.

"A handsome fella like you? I bet you have the gals all clamoring for your attention." Greta said with a knowing look and a wink.

"No, not me." I said now uncomfortable with the whole conversation.

"Well, I bet you have a large group of mates eh?" Greta said in an effort to lighten the mood up, sensing my tension and uneasiness.

"I don't seem to make friends well in this town." I admitted with an equally embarrassed manner.

"I find that hard to believe Brian. You seem like a decent fella to me." Greta said with a smile as she reached out and took my hand in hers.

"Thank you." I smiled appreciatively at her as our eyes met and for a moment we said nothing.

We carried on a lively conversation for a little over an hour and talked about all kinds of things. In hindsight it was mostly about me. She kept asking questions and on kept answering, trying to be polite and keeping her interested in the conversation. I was content simply to talk the night away with her over a pint or two but she had other ideas. I was pleasantly astounded that this young thing found me interesting enough to talk to for so long a time.

I had tried to engage Veronica, (Mr. Osterant's daughter who was about my age) in similar conversation but to no avail. I had the idea of courting her once I had been Mr. Osterant's assistant for some time. I hoped that once I had proved myself to her father I could catch her interest and if I was lucky, ask for her hand. My journey to London scrapped all that so Greta was the next best thing, though she was not as pretty as Veronica.

"You seem like a nice fella and all." She said bashfully and looked down. "I never do things like this you understand . . . but I like you Brian." Greta finished and then looked away from me.

"I like you too Greta." I replied and reached across the table and held her hand.

"I don't live that far away, I was wondering if you would . . ." Greta said and her words trailed off as she looked down almost ashamed and couldn't finish the sentence.

"If I would what?" I inquired curiously not quite getting what she was getting at, at the time I was inexperienced with women.

"Come back to my room and . . . " Greta's words dropped off again and she looked down once more.

It was then that I had an idea of what she was talking about and I was shocked to say the least. I mean here I was, never been with a lady before, in a strange town and all and literally she walked up to me and invited me to spend the night. It all seemed too good to be true and I should have asked myself why she was interested in me all of a sudden. I know that it was not the gentlemanly thing to do, nor was it the most righteous thing to do either, but I was tempted and curious. I had never been with a lady before and the thought of finally knowing what it was like spoke to me. Perhaps I should have said no and walked away but I was weak and the flesh overwhelmed my better judgment.

"Alright." I said as I caved in and accepted her offer of naughty fun.

She giggled coyly in response and before long we were in her room. I stood there like a dummy for a moment because I didn't know just what to do; thankfully she took the lead and kissed me. It was a tense kiss as you can imagine but after a moment I got the hang of it and relaxed a great deal. As I got bolder, my hands started to roam and explore this woman's body, the first woman that I would be with. I was nervous and trembling as I tried to touch her in all the places on a woman that were forbidden to me before that night.