All Comments on 'Brian's Weekend'

It could go on, but there are going to be hearings, lawsuits, etc. that will eclipse the eroticism. Or it could just end right there, and the reader can assume that they get through all this and go on with their new life together.

I hope that there is more to come. It's very well written.

Tony155 please dont stop there you have a real winner its full of great sadness and love tina made the mistake to come to gretchens condo to kill her or maybe to svare him into coming back to her but tina is a mental case and she wont let gretchen take him away from her when will you be writing the second chapter i will be looking for it .

I will give it a 1000points for realism and love.

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga

Beautiful writing, the characters are skillfully constructed, and each description sparks an image. Its obvious that a lot of thought went into each scene and how each character would react, that is the key, their reactions are so realistic.

My only critique would be some of the words used, like when she said she wanted to feel him "squirt" inside of her, that sounded a little off. Plus, it seemed odd that they would fixiate on cum leaking out of her.

But just minor thoughts that sprung up, overall it was a great story. Look forward to the next chapter.

VERY GOOD STORE PLEASE CONTINUE THIS. vERY TENDER AND MOVING.

Never thought it would go that way, what a twist it was. I hope you continue the story line with another part.

Great story! The characters and story line just fit and flow. The twist at the end was outstanding. You have a serious talent for writing, thanks for sharing it with us. I have to agree with everyone else that there needs to be more. The trial and the divorce should be interesting. Your time in law enforcement shows, a truly knowledgeable viewpoint is a bonus.

This story is so ably drawn about Brian and Gretchen that it seemed a shame to invite Tina into the plot at the very end. There was too little foundation for Tina’s actions and the story would have ended better had the author merely had her fade away.

Yet another fine job, Tony! I absolutely loved this one; it gave me goosebumps. Nice touch at the end, too. I never would've thought about Tina comin to find him. I loved the police action...very youish!

I hope you introduce another chapter into Gretchen and Brian's lives...

It needs no extension although there could be. How could one reach for more than there is to this point. It would be anticlimactic and more of the same with the downer of the ex's trial and imprisonment.

Onward and upward Author would be my vote. Less is more and more in this case could tarnish what preceded.

Thanks Author. Next please when time permits.

With Very High Regard

Very well told story of a triangle created by the wife, really. Where was the wife for the month? Shacked up with some guy who finally kicked her out with nothing?

Her statements to Gretchen sound like one who doesn't want Brian, she just doesn't want Gretchen to have him.

Obviously, Tina expects to make as much trouble as possible. Will Tina be prosecuted or just listed as an unfortunate accident? Maybe counseling could straighten Tina out? She has a deep-rooted problem of some sort that is screwing up her life.

This story has so much potential, with a fabulous story line with believeable characters and steady flow. Next installment soon please.

well written and good plot. the main characters are well developed and the sex is erotic.

Usual good characterization of this writer. Is the ending meant to be cliffhanger?

I just love you work

As always, your stories are superbly written. I can't say the same of your plot lines ... you seem to leave the reader hanging, and there was no indication earlier that Tina was violent or possesive ... women can be mercurial, but they don't go from surprisingly cold wanting a divorce to insanely jealous and possesive. Doesn't fit.

I love what you have so far, but I do agree with another reader's comment about needing more detail in relation to Tina and her actions. I hope there is a sequel, and that her motivations are explored

Thank you Tony! Love your thrillers! Looking forward to chapter 2!

I really enjoyed this story, but you need to find a way to finish it. I'll keep checking back.

please continue

You did no background on the reasons for Tina leaving her husband yet you have her wanting him back. Then you have her coming to take him back or at least keeping his lover from having him? Why include Tina in the story at all if this was just a romance story between two deserving people? You have made it into a cheating husband story; as it is possible from your lack of a background that he deserved being left! Maybe Tina did love him and was upset over the attention and closeness he had with his fellow female officer for years? You even admit the female officer moved to put distance between them because of her feelings. Why? They both admit that they have loved each other for a long while. Ever since he sat next to her at the academy because he thought she was pretty. Sounds like a cheating husband in the making to me! It was a well writen story otherwise. I personally don't think cliffhangers are wonderful stories myself. I would hope you pick back up on this great beginning and fill in the whole story. It would be the right thing to do if you are really interested in your readers desires.

It certainly looks unfinished, but at least you've posted something this year. I would have rated it a five, but it screams that it is unfinished, either at the end or nearer the beginning.

<P>

<I>-- srgeek --</I>

I get the feeling that you deliberately put this in the "erotic couplings" section instead of "romance" - something other commenters should note. I also had a feeling that the way you titled this story meant the male character would face a decision come Monday morning because the wife would come back! haha nice hint there!

Also, I figure that you meant to use Tina to propel the man to his future women. She was definitely manic and:

a) wanted him to constantly prove his love, and even the divorce action was another test, or

b) she was jealous of his relationship with Gretchen, and thought threatening divorce would make him read her mind and make him stick closer to her, or

c) she was cheating on him and when they separated it didn't work out, or

d) after a few years of happiness, something happened to her (either hormones, rape, miscarriage, woke up changed permanently or something else) which made her bitchy or depressed or something, and she didn't want him to be happy with her or without her, because she was not happy.

It's left to the reader to think about, I guess. It's not bad if you deliberately set out to put a cliff-hanger. On the other hand, if you put a cliff-hanger without the wife getting shot, then it would still be more erotic as there would be more EROTIC possibilities left to the readers' minds...

You use similar plotlines (with secondary characters that aren't featured much but do make up one of the main characters pasts) several times, and it works pretty well. I'm not criticising it when I'm saying you should try something new as well. I have a feeling that you can pleasantly surprise us with a wider variety! :) Thank you very much for the read.

Them admitting they had feelings for eachother and her moving away because of those feelings...I really don't blame Tina for leaving, perhaps she sensed what was going on under the surface and came back to fight for him despite all of that. Guess we'll never know.

How is this supposed to end????

Uh...... The rest of the story?

Great so far.

Thx!

it was a great story until the line, "How bad is it?"

Thereafter, it fell apart. You omitted the needed information about the antagonist, the dog, and the 2 protagonists the reader needs to complete (which, of at least 5 obvious) ending(s). If you had included more about Tina's reason for leaving, and where she managed to acquire a firearm, it might have helped. It can't have been Brian's. He left her, and brought his with him.

Then, her adult dog didn't even bark? Nor did he attack the intruder?

Not only that, they had lights on, and could see into the outer darkness to notice a 'shadow'? Pah-lease!

To top it off, Gretchen is lying on the floor, in firing position, as she is shot at by Tina. Yet, this prepared police officer doesn't even get a shot off?

Come on! You write better than this ...

That's it? That's all? Good story, then you just leave it at "If I can't have him..." More, darn it!

Very good, I loved it! Thank you!

Mostly good but fell apart at the incomplete ending.

Where is the rest of the ending ??

... with the others on this. It was a great story until you forgot to finish it.

Finish the story. I want to see Tina's reasoning behind her wanting a divorce and what the hell she was thinking there...Can't give a five because of this ending...

IMO the story is finished. It wasn't about Tina or why she did what she did. It was about Brian and Gretchen and their previously unfulfilled relationship together

This was or is a good story. Why oh why was it left incomplete at the end and te reader is just left hanging?

George in Omaha

to Tony155 this is like most of your other story's

that are on finished

they are great

but need to have an ending

Sorry, this one is just not up to your normal parr. Doesn't seem finished to me either. Just couldn't make myself give you a 5 on this one because of that. You left to many questions unanswered for this one.

what happened too the rest of the story? You have a great pace and character development had me actually caring about Brian and Gretchen. Then, all of a sudden, it was like you decided to chuck the steering wheel out the car window while going 100 mph and slam into a brick wall. WTH? If you meant to leave it as a cliff hanger and come back to the story and finish it, that is awesome and I look forward to reading it, but if you don't, the way you left it lessens the entire story.

So ,will this be another 'hanger for "Finish the Damn Story" to conclude?!

If you're going to add an ending like this,you better well plan to finish the damn story! If not,you should have just indicated that Tina's last statement was said with her dying breath!!!

Sorry,accidental one star score.

Good story, but needs an epilogue. 4 stars. My opinion, but you know what is

said about opinions...........They're like assholes...... everybody has one.

would like to see what happens afterwards

Needed to be longer.

WHY DON'T YOU FINISH THE STORY. WHY DO AUTHORS FEEL TO END A STORY WITH A QUESTION???

FTDS!!!!!!!!

I enjoyed the read but there were too many questions left unanswered. The story was sexy and flowed nicely until right before the end then it hit the roof going from 0 to 60 in seconds. What signs did Gretchen see that foretold the end of Brian's marriage? Was Tina always jealous of Gretchen or was she just crazy and Brian never noticed? What were Tina's motivations, only jealousy? Sorry for being a pain, but I believe these are legitimate questions.

Brian is going to jail. Tina didn’t have a gun! Brian shoot an unarmed person.

This was a great story until the end, now more questions than answers. Since there has been no activity from this author since July of 2009, I guess that this story will join the countless unfinished stories her on Lit. 5 stars for writing 1 star for not finishing the story

A bit of a cliffhanger there.

@Anonymous who thinks Brian is going to jail. No he isn't, the shooting was justified. He couldn't tell who it was or if they were armed, it's self defence in Michigan. It doesn't matter how you feel.

WTF? finish the story

Another really good story.