All Comments on 'Bride to Be'

Please continue!

I agree more. Fantastic story as are your other 2 stories. Please continue.

congraulations on a: well written, well paced story... thank you

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I am a gay woman, who loves reading and writng gay literature, but this is terrible stuff! Twentieth and twenty-first century dialogue and expressions in the mouths of 19th century characters; appalling grammar; jumps in base knowledge... there's more, but that's enough to start with.

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Before submitting again, please try working with one of Lit's volunteer editors - you have a decent story in there, but you need some serious help with its execution.

thank you one and all for your comments as well as critiques. I wasn't expecting so many comments on this story. Thank you all for your feedback and rest assured that I shall return with more :D

... but I can understand "Anonymous Portland"'s comment.

It is sometimes quite difficult to follow who is talking - you refer of both women with the pronoun "she". And the sex and Gwen's submission came a little bit fast - without reference to her sexual history, e.g. did she have sexual thoughts before?, did she have some opportunities to masturbate in the orphanage? or did she have the desire, but did not dare? etc ...

Still, I liked the story.

If this doesn't get a red "H" for hot, I don't know what the editors are looking for in a story. Keep up the great work!

amazing

WOW

Holy moley that was hot! I was confused sometimes about who was speaking - Literotica has a free editor program that can help your writing shine even more. Well done!

Messy story.