by TomWine
Nothing better than true love between siblings. Excellent, please continue!!!
Love the way they both had wanted each other. Hope this is only the first part of a long series.
would be awesome if Bkooke and Steven went to the sme college and share an apartment
I SEE YOU HAVE LEARNED FROM THE FIRST STORY, NOW YOU CAN WRITE. NO MATTER WHAT SOME JERK HAS TO SAY. IF YOU KEEP WRITING LIKE THIS, I THINK YOU'LL MAKE IT ON THIS SITE.KEEP UP THE NEW GOOD WORK. GOOD LUCK.............LAROC OF AGES
liked the story. good characters that you cared about. didn't notice the typos or missing words. gave it 5 stars.
two minor points of issue. 1) a scholarship athlete wouldn't be fucking the night before a try-out, and 2) the trainer would recommend icing an injury, and not hot tubbing!
however, it worked to get him to undress and dress her, so it's ok in my book!
Ignore the Grammarnazis in fact fuck them! I don't see a whole lot of their stories on here lol.
I liked this story so much that I am commenting, a first for me (guess I popped my cherry). Seriously, the characters are believable. They love each other and have the normal brother/sister disagreement going before we hear about their craving each other. And this was brought out starkly on his part as he is telling the story and slowly on her part as she gradually opened and surprised her brother. Great orgasms created more love even through stumbling first time sex. I will look forward to more of your stories.
Such a good story. It is well conceived, pacing is good and is just so very believeable.
Sure hope there is more !
LAROC , please stop shouting , the caps lock key is bad mmmkay
Awesome story, I couldn't keep my fingers out of my pussy. I was hoping she would climb up and straddle your face so you could eat your cum from her hot pussy.... that's the way my baby bro likes it!
one thing we didn't get to find out did she make the team ?
guess there's gonna have to be another chapter or three so we can find out & ASAP please
You can see the love develop between Steve and Brooke - makes a lovely and sexy story. Why do we read about her pussy hair but hear nothing of his pubic bush? Why not give him a bit of chest hair between his pecs, and a treasure trail too? I hope there will be other Steven and Brooke stories!
Dont care about bush or hair on his chest or if she made the team. Would be more interesting if she get the ipod growing in her belly
I couldn't resist how hard I feel for my sister when I read. Wonderful plot from the brother and good build up of the story. I have to take my sister away something similar to this. I will email the story to her and see how she reacts. Thanks for the great story.
So we can assume the reason she acting like a bish was because her brother was ignoring her, her brother really was kinda clueless
After silliness like that, I couldn't read anymore.
Their relationship went a little too quickly but other than that it was great.
These kids are as lovely as any two adolescent young adults can be! At this point there are no other individuals in the picture, nor fucking up the love-interest between Steven and Brooke--just as fucking exactly the way it should be. They both havein the past thought about the other, though unfortunately Steven is transgressing about "the other hotties" at the tryouts. He had better keep his fucking mind on his sister and away from all the other "hotties"!!!
There are many options and opportunities for this story to require additional chapters. But please dear God ***TomWine*** keep it between only Steven and Brooke, maybe the same college although their parents cannot afford to send Steven there. May be he gain a small college entrance near enough to hers so they can get an apartment together. Or maybe she doesn't make the team at this college (where she is trying for an athletic scholarship) but might make a smaller F'ockey team on scholarship at a smaller college near where Steven might go.
Anyway give us an additional chapter or two with these two beautiful kids, and lets allow their incestual love blossom, rise to the level of young adulthood, commit to each other as "husband and wife", have a couple kids and live their loves and lives as a family in peace and harmony!
Though a number of comments were complaints, they never offer suggestions to rectify the opinions, they could offer constructive cricitism. I have no complaints at this point--there are some minor issues but not worthy of diminishing the overall story content nor the theme of the story.
the move from brother sister to lovers went to fast. her letting him undress and dress her then fuck her doesn't fit with the personality you gave her at the start of the story. what happened in one day should be spread out over weeks or more slow down this isn't a race if it was you would have spun out in the first corner.
listen I really liked it sure there was a few hard spots. but you made it about love an sharing not fuckin an degradation keep it up
IT'S A FANTASY, QUIT YOUR NIT PICKING. A GOOD ONE AT THAT, SIT BACK AND READ AND ENJOY THE JOURNEY. IT IS LOVING AND NOT WEIRD AND KINKY.
you are doing 100 when the story calls for a speed of 30 or 40. no way he would willingly drive her and no way he would ever want to share a room she is just a spoiled bitch noone would ever want to be near. as said by others WHY COULDN'T SHE DRIVE HERSELF TO THE COLLEGE? the series needs a total rewrite by a writer that isn't high and knows how to properly pace a story.
It seems to me that the smart-assed comments always are posted by anonymous. Why don't you use your real name so we can compare the quality of your writings to those of the author you chose to criticize? The story isn't quite perfect; so what? It is entertaining, well developed, and the love and caring is nice. I think you should put up or shut up.
I have nothing but compliments for Tom Wine... Very well thought out story, well "fleshed" out, nice character development, and my belief is that it is well paced...
To the dick-head that left the anonymous message below yours, go somewhere else jack-ass... Let us see your writing, if you dare, so that we can nick-pick your ass apart... And I can guarantee you that I can... One of your points is "Why couldn't she drive herself?" Well, if you had actually read the story, you would know that the author said her Mother didn't want her to drive by herself to the try-outs... I know that I wouldn't want my daughter to drive herself to a strange city, and a strange school, all by herself... I would want someone to be there with her, and especially when she's going for a sports try-out, where she could have been injured, just as she was in the story...
It was a good story in my opinion and I thought it was well thought out but it went to fast for me, one minute they're brother and sister and next they're in bed together, with a little more length to the story it will add good background, but I loved the anticipation and buildup in the story.
Yup, he kills off Brooke, and I fucking hated him for doing that, so if you want a real downer, read this saga through to the end - I wasted my time plowing through this whole story just to get to the worst WTF...? ending on the entire site.
This story has an extremely tragic ending, dont read if you are looking for a happy ending. You wont get it here. Its quite heartbreaking
I didn't realize there was more to this story, but I appreciate the warning that there's no happy ending. Luckily, this chapter works really well as a stand alone story, so if you want to stop here like I'm going to, there's no problem with that.
Nice, although a little quick...
Fairly annoyed at my anonymous brothers spoiling the story below.