Brownwood: I Dreamed Ch. 05

"Please... stop," she begged, hiding behind her hands. "Please, Daddy! Please stop, I promise to be a good girl!"

Zach froze in horror. Pulling her hands apart, he stared down at the adult face of his daughter. Tears were falling from her now swollen shut eyes and blood poured from her nose and lips.

"Please, Daddy, don't hit me anymore!"

Zach bolted straight up in bed, covered with sweat. His heart thundered, attempting to burst through his chest as the bile in his stomach boiled upwards, filling his throat.

Shit, I can't keep doing this! His mind screamed.

"Daddy, you okay?" whispered a scared, little voice from his bedroom door.

Fighting back the vomit, he tried to respond.

"Daddy's okay, Cupcake," he croaked, racing to the bathroom, and barely making it before losing the contents of last night's supper.

"I'm just a little sick, sweetheart."

"You have nightmares, Daddy?" Shannon asked weakly, now standing next to the bathroom door. He could tell she was crying.

"Yeah, Cupcake, but Daddy's doing better now."

"I make you better!"

She threw herself into his arms as he tried to balance himself on his knees. She hugged him as hard as her little arms could, trying to force him to feel better. He knew what he'd told her was a lie. The nightmares were getting more violent and more frequent as the project neared its end. He'd have to make some hard decisions and soon.

His little daughter hugged him as she cried. After a few moments she stopped and looked up at him, hoping that her hugs had worked. He wiped away her tears and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, Cupcake, you made Daddy all better."

Even in the moonlight, he could see her smile.

"Now back to bed, baby. Daddy needs to take a shower before he goes back to his bed."

He listened to her little footsteps as she ran and jumped back into her bed. Closing the bathroom door, he turned on the light and started the shower. Soon a stream of hot water poured over his neck and shoulders, chasing away the tension. As his muscles began to relax, exhaustion slowly began to overtake him.

The first thing Zach saw when he re-entered his bedroom was the neon 2:06 on his clock. Groaning, he crawled back into bed only to find Shannon's Big Bear tucked in next to his pillow. Taking the stuffed bear under one arm, he quietly snuck into Shannon's room and returned the teddy bear to its rightful owner.

As he looked at his precious little girl, he felt the warm tears stream down his face. He and Shannon needed to go back to Brownwood.

****

"Well," Maria said, contemplating Zach's question. She looked carefully at her project manager, her friend, her husband and brother-in-law's protégé. The project had been a success but Zach looked like he'd paid a high price for it. He looked tormented since he'd returned from Florida a few days earlier. "The only counselor I'm familiar with is Sarah Richards. She comes highly recommended."

She paused and he could see her struggling with a decision. She sighed deeply before she spoke.

"She helped me work through some things several years ago, Zach. It was before you came to work here. She's pretty no-nonsense but fair."

"Thank you, Maria," he said softly, realizing the trust she'd shown him. His boss rarely discussed her personal life with anyone.

Maria had given him Sarah's phone number and Zach set up his first session. It was the first of many.

Over the next several weeks, Zach worked with Sarah to begin controlling his demons. They weren't exorcised but they were on their way towards being contained and soon posed no current danger. Now he had a clear vision of what he wanted and what needed to be done in order to work towards those goals. It would take time and work but it was doable.

The only loose ends were Bree and the Olsens.

*****

With Thanksgiving only a week away, Zach stood on the Olsen's front porch. He steeled himself and clutched the letter he carried in his hand and rang the doorbell. Bree's sister Donna answered the door.

"Zach?" she said. "What do you want?"

Her icy welcome was expected. Donna was nothing if not protective.

"I'd like to talk to your parents, Donna."

"Why?"

"Well," he said. "Obviously there are some things I need to say to them. You're welcome to listen in if you want."

She looked at him suspiciously then closed the door. A minute later she re-opened it and let him in. She then escorted him into the living room. Seated, there was Gerald and Priscilla along with Tommy and Donna's husband, Robert Collins.

"Why are you here, Zach?" Mr. Olsen said sternly.

"Well, sir," Zach replied. "I wanted to talk to you and your wife about what I did to Bree."

"You've got some nerve—" Donna started.

"If you're here to try and justify your actions..." Gerald growled, cutting off his daughter. He stood up with his fists clenched.

"No, sir, I'm actually here to apologize for the way I treated Bree."

"Don't you think you should be apologizing to Bree first?" Donna snapped.

Zach nodded.

"I would if she was here, but since she isn't, I'll start here."

"Well—" Gerald started but Priscilla gently touched his arm and pulled him back into his chair. He glanced at her before turning his attention back to Zach.

"All right," he finally said, "go on."

"Mr. and Mrs. Olsen, I don't know what Brianna's told you about that night but I assure you it was much worse than what she said. The simple fact is I took advantage of your daughter while she was vulnerable. In my anger, I sexually used and abused her and treated her like a piece of meat," Zach's voice caught, betraying the emotions he was fighting to hide. "I said and did things to humiliate and hurt her. I was intentionally cruel, trying to inflict as much pain as possible."

Gerald Olsen's anger was evident as a red flush began to spread from his neck.

"I can't imagine what you are thinking and feeling right now. After talking this through with my counselor, the best I can do is try to imagine how I'd feel if a man came up to me and admitted he'd intentionally hurt my daughter. I'm afraid I'd be hard pressed to not physically harm him.

"But Mr. Olsen, your brother said that after all that happened with Ty, your family owed me. He also said you Olsens always repay your debts. If you'll just hear me out and allow me to apologize, that debt will be repaid. After that you and the rest of your family can hate me without feeling any guilt."

Gerald glared at Zach.

"How about it, Pa?" Tommy spoke in a bad cowboy accent trying to break the tension. "We gonna hear him out or just hang him?"

Mr. Olsen shot a dirty look at his smirking son before glancing over at his wife. Priscilla nodded her approval.

"Go on, say what you have to say," he growled.

"Like I said before, I don't know how much of this nightmare you know but it's been building for several years. This isn't an excuse, only some of the things that contributed to my failure.

"As you know, when Bree broke up with me back in college, we didn't split on the best of terms. That break-up also caused me to lose your family as well. When my father died my feelings of being alone were overwhelming. But like everyone else in this world that's had something bad happen, I tried to move on. Did I resolve all my issues surrounding that time in my life? Of course not, but I did move on.

"However, when Bree came back, she brought back with her someone who threatened my family. When I came here for help you made it clear that Bree was your first priority. However Mr. Olsen, Shannon is my first priority! The fact that she'd been put at risk because of Bree just rubbed salt in some old wounds.

"After I was shot, my mother and Bree determined it was best for me to become dependent upon Bree so I couldn't run. I was cornered in my own home. I was hurt, angry, and trapped. In the end, I lost control and lashed out.

"Regardless of those circumstances, there's no excuse for what I did to Bree. I'm ashamed of how I reacted. That's not the kind of man my father would've been proud of and it's not the type of man I want around my daughter."

Gerald sighed deeply as the color of his face began to return to normal.

"As I mentioned before, I've been getting help dealing with the guilt, hurt, and anger. It's starting to help but I still struggle with several things that happened. Mr. and Mrs. Olsen, I hope Bree is getting help as well. If she isn't, I pray someone in her family will suggest it to her."

"Not that I don't agree with you, but why would you say that?" Donna said warily.

"Because I believe it would help her. Donna, we all know she feels guilty and blames herself for everything that's happened. She was so overwhelmed by it that she either tried to be a martyr by sacrificing herself to me or was seeking absolution by trying to restore some kind of relationship with me. Either way, it was doomed because I wasn't capable of giving her what she needed.

"It would've been like a desperate mother in a third story window of a burning building, screaming for someone to save her baby, and then throwing her child down to a man with two broken arms. To nobody's surprise, he would have dropped the child but everyone would still be angry and sad.

"From what my counselor has told me, Bree acts like many victims of abuse. To my shame, I contributed to that. But someone has to get through to her that she didn't deserve all the bad things that've happened to her.

"She didn't deserve to be sexually abused by me. She didn't deserve to marry an abusive asshole like Ty. She doesn't deserve to not be able to have any more children after a miscarriage and an abortion."

Donna gasped and looked fearfully at her parents. Zach realized he'd said something wrong and began to backtrack.

"I mean..."

"We're aware of her lifestyle choices," Gerald said calmly, "and the dangers that came with it. We're not as clueless as our children would like to believe."

"Was the baby yours, Zach?" Priscilla asked tentatively.

"Bree said it wasn't but then Ty said he was sterile. So to be honest, I don't know. I didn't even know about it until she told me last June."

"But Ty was such a liar," Donna stated. "Why would you believe anything he'd say?"

"Well," Zach said carefully. "First, that's a condition most guys won't admit to, let alone lie about and say they have. Second, your little sister wasn't exactly honest with me after she left me."

"So you're sure the child was aborted?" Priscilla asked. Her pain was evident.

"I believe so," Zach said quietly

Gerald and Priscilla looked over at Donna. She dropped her head and nodded.

"Well, that explains a great deal," Gerald said calmly. "We'd suspected it was something like that."

An uncomfortable silence shrouded the room.

"There's something else, isn't there, Zach?" Priscilla said softly as she wiped a tear from her face. "Does it have something to do with what's in your hand?"

He nodded.

"Ma'am, I don't know if you'll be seeing Bree during the holidays. But if you do, I was hoping you might pass this letter on to her."

"We know that you've been hurt," Mr. Olsen said warily, "but so has Brianna. Her mother and I won't do anything to bring her more pain."

"I understand, sir. However, I don't think this letter will cause her more pain."

"Can we read it?" Donna interjected.

Zach nodded.

"I suspected that you might need to so I left the envelope unsealed," he said as he handed it to Mrs. Olsen.

Priscilla opened the letter and Donna moved next to her. Soon both women were wiping tears from their eyes. The men looked questioningly at Zach.

"It's my apology for how I treated her and states that I hope someday she'll be able to forgive me. I also owned up to my part in our breakup. It goes on to thank her for the positive influence she had on Shannon and tells her I don't hate or blame her for the shooting. It also tells her she didn't deserve all of the things that've happened to her.

"Finally it ends with me basically forgiving her for the things that she did or didn't do in our past. I told her that I hope she finds a man worthy of her, someone who'll treat her well and help her find the peace and happiness she deserves. Of course, I said it in a much more flowery way, but that's it in a nutshell."

"Is it true?" Donna said as she wiped her nose.

"What?" Zach replied.

"I asked if what you wrote in this letter is truly how you feel. After what you did to her, I have my doubts."

Zach stood, looking very uncomfortable.

"Does it really matter?" he said in soft voice. "It'll help Bree start her new life."

"Zach, please," Priscilla said gently. "It matters."

He sighed. "I don't know what to say, Mrs. Olsen. Do I tell you when I hear her name I want to hold her and tell her how much I miss my friend, the girl I once loved with all my heart? Or do you want to hear in that very same breath I want to shake and yell at her for throwing away what we had, like it was trash. I know that I still care for her but at the same time I want her to feel the loss and pain that I felt. The pain I still feel.

"The rage is gone, but I still deal with the anger. So, Mrs. Olsen, do I mean it? Yes and no. I wish I could be clearer, but right now I feel like I'm in some kind of bipolar nightmare!"

"Damn, man," Tommy said, shaking his head. "You still got it bad for my sister."

"Well?" Priscilla stated, turning her attention back to Zach.

"Ma'am?" He said clearly confused.

"You need to tell her," Priscilla said sternly. "You still love my Bree, so what are you going to do about it?"

He sighed.

"I'm going to give her the only gift I can right now and that's to try and give her a chance to start over. This letter is meant to help her, Mrs. Olsen. If I told her how I felt it would only cause more confusion."

"I still think you should tell her, Zach," Priscilla said softly. "She deserves to know."

"Maybe," Zach said calmly, "but not right now. I'm still messed up and have a lot of work to do to try and get on with my own life. The monster that did that to your daughter has to be destroyed. It can never be allowed to see the light of day again, for my Shannon's sake."

The room grew silent and Zach took that as his cue to end the visit.

"Thank you for allowing me to do this, I know it was very difficult for you all. Mr. Olsen, we're even, thank you."

Donna got up and started towards him.

"I can let myself out, Donna. I still remember the way. I wish you and the rest of your family a Happy Thanksgiving. Good bye."

Zach turned and left. When they heard the front door close they all looked over at the stairs.

Bree sat on the bottom steps in her big fuzzy robe with a tear-streaked face. She had a large, white piece of gauze across the bridge of her nose and her eyes were blackened, giving notice that she'd had surgery.

Priscilla and Donna got up and went over to the stairs. Priscilla handed her Zach's letter and both women sat down beside her.

Bree began reading and the tears started flowing again. When she'd finished, Priscilla put her arms around her daughter and held her as she cried.

"Oh, Momma, how can things get so messed up?"

"Child," Priscilla softly cooed. "Those are some of the things we'll need to discuss later."

Bree nodded as she clung to her mother and sobbed.

****