All Comments on 'Brownwood: Tommy Boy Ch. 01'

and the arrogance of the women. I think maybe a slight lack of confidence because of his wife's actions sure, but that coupled with the aggressive behavior of the trainer kind of put it off a little for me. Now, that said, it was very well written, easy to read and promises to lead to a good story. I like the part about the ballroom dancing. Wish I had gotten into something like that when I was younger but I met a couple of instructors at some parties in Dallas and wasn't impressed with them in any way form or fashion. Heavy smokers, sloppy drunks and kind of whorish all told. Oh well. Maybe a better class of female instructors now. Thanks for the story and looking forward to the next installment. Hopefully it is coming soon.

Won't score until the end.

I really hate these wives who feel their marriage is over, but cheats rather than telling her husband and either getting help or a divorce, THEN is all weepy and sorry.

You don't wait two years to confront your spouse why the marriage seems to be spiraling down the toilet. You don't wait two months! A marriage is at least as important and intense as a business partnership. Would you wait two years or even two weeks, to have a come to Jesus meeting with a business partner that stopped communicating, or became argumentative and confrontational? Of course not. But he just cruised along, bitching but not commanding, that either the relationship needed evaluation, or ending. Yeah, its that simple, and that important. And anyone who thinks trust is demonstrated by acting deaf, dumb, and blind to all the signs, well, is obviously stupid, timid, and doesn't think the relationship is worth fighting for, at the first sign of trouble. So the breakup was kind of lame and contrived. Or the guy is a useless pussy and deserves to be dumped.

And he never bothers to find out why? Is this written by JPB? I suspect you want to delay that for later in the story, but it simple doesn't make any sense to divorce without understanding what failed. Again, stupid behavior, contrived to drive the desired flow of the plot. When you make your characters act stupid, its easy to stop caring about the story.

Once we get past the breakup the ensuing story is interesting and suspenseful. Will they develop a romance? What roles will they play in each other's lives? OK, the dense clueless slob transforming into the sensitive ripped hero is a bit contrived, but its understandable if he is to win the heart of Wonder Woman. I hope to enjoy the process.

I will wait to rate the entire work. At this point I would give it a 3 or 4. I hope I can give the completed work a 5.

Thank you for your effort and ambition.

My only quibble is the length. 20 pages equals about 4 chapters (if each chapter is split evenly). Don't want to wait that long!!!!

I am hitched to this ride until the end. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Can we all rest and relax while the story unfolds? I can. Can we give the story a 5 for next to perfect grammar and excellent plot? I can. Can we let the author tell the story as he intends? I can. Can we all enjoy the efforts this author put forth to produce believable characters, excellent pace, good flow and anticipation for the audience? I can. And I can certainly give it a 5* rating. In fact I did.

Spyauth

Can't wait for the next installment! Excellent story so far!

I have the advantage of knowing the whole story, but this was a great first chapter. Taking each other for granted, not keeping that spark of romance alive, both of them growing apathetic, then her deciding to step outside the marriage is probably played out every day. His lack of confidence, poor body image and fear about causing more problems by confronting her just exacerbated the problem. Nowhere left for that to go but down.

Excellent depiction of the death throes of a marriage with the consequences to both partners. Now something new, at least a new stage of his life, is beginning. Great writing by one of the best storytellers around. The Beast is on top of his game, and he's got mad game. Huge respect for the Orc bard of the metroplex. Thanks for the beautiful story. Randi.

DFWBeast is one of the top writers, all time. Great writing, the best editing I've ever seen, not a flaw anywhere. This should be one of those hall-of-fame stories. Five stars.

Thanks for sharing a great story.

This is right up there with the best stories I've read. Top ten stuff. Great job.

Figured I'd end up deleting a comment again (only the second one since I've been on Lit). No surprise, Mommy must've caught him suckin on his Daddy's butt plug again. Take it away and shit just spews... sad.

A little advice man, next time pull the trigger. Trust me nobody will give a shit if you die. You won't be missed. As for deleting your comments. Hate to do it but it only takes a click to flush you.

Killian

BTW anon emails are just as easy to delete! LOL!

My apologies for my little rant but racist bullshit aimed at my friends gets deleted if I'm able. On a lighter note...

Jav, it looks like I miscalculated, entire story probably closer to 16-17 LIT pages. Still borderline too long to submit as a whole. (at least for me)

Killian

Typical DFWBEAST great story. Held my interest to the very end. Of course your work usually does that for me. The only complaint I have is a few of the comments giving you less than 5s just because they don't like or agree with the actions of your characters. Ratings should be about the talent of the author. In My Humble Opinion.

Looking forward to the remaining story

Woodmanone

This author just knows how to bring out the emotion in his characters. Nobody does dialogue better to bring the characters to life, DFWBEAST truly is special. 5*****

You are nicely developing your craft.

But picked up steam after the wife departed. The story would've been much better if she wasn't in it.

It got annoying quick.

I will never understand ganging up on anyone, but this is not a defect in the story

but rather of the human race and true to form. They have to fall in love.......

At that point I became irritating bullshit, the kind that hurts your ass and turns your starfish into a replica of the Japenese flag.

"How about a sensual massage? How about a romantic dinner" How about a royal "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

I hate stories where the loser gets the hottest girl in the fucking world and she's won over by his wit and self deprecating charm. You think she hasn't seen that bullshit before? You think Tommy boy is the first douchebag to suggest a sensual massage or a nice dinner?

As a result of taking the easiest way out, of turning Ms TOS into a glorified whore that needs to be rescued by lardass, I give you a well deserved one star. You could have made this a journey of self discovery and becoming more but instead you shit all over your readers.

Whackadoodoo is perhaps the person with the lowest IQ of anyone who comments here. Fag cuck shit guy is a paragon of wit and charm compared to whackadoo. Reading what is, perhaps the best story written in the last two years, that's the best comment this mental midget can come up with? Five star story

This was silly and mundane. Far below your usual level.

"Tommy Boy" is demeaning to any man. Became a real annoyance.

Giving part II a try.

You describe your protagonist likea real wimp!!! Fighting with others doesnt means that he isnt a wimp about the girl thing!! And getting divorced after the betrayel of his wife without a liitle revenge has nothing to do to be wise!!

They weren't big and strong enough as kids to get the lectures about not hitting other kids and protecting the weaker kids, and not to start fights.

Almost all legit D1 OFFENSIVE linemen where raised that way. No Jive, read John Madden's book. Rage in the Guard or tackle sized guys is a horror to behold.

As for the matter of having stones or not, not much else takes more 'nads (or their close kin foolhardiness) than to honestly and openly chase a great looking woman without using any artifice, scheming, or persona to aid your quest.

BTW, he already covered why he didn't try to get revenge against his ex. If she is like most 40 or over unethical sluts, her life will soon have as many pangs of regret as cluster orgasms. Lonely nights and Holidays can be hell on aging party Gals too.

I'm really enjoying this storyline. Five stars for this first chapter. Very engaging.

I can't ask for anything more than an enjoyable reading time.

Yes it is a 5

Look forward to next chapter. I have already seen the rating gets higher with each chapter which is rare to see.

Please keep writing and I will keep reading.

The name of protagonist too irritating to follow.. This story is at most a 3.. Will read the rest though before scoring... So far mehhhh

Too bad Tommy isnt Alpha enough to pound her bleached starfish and machine gun the fucks that seduced her, while beating ass on the brawny behemoth that is raping his mother, his country and lady liberty herself.

DFW, Since you failed so miserably and are the ultimate cuck , I must send you to your safe space with 5 snowflakes.

If readers bitch about this story its because their butt plug is much too loose and needs hammered back in again or its because grandma's basement is getting too weird because she keeps coming down stairs to do the laundry and looks way too hot.

Hall-of-fame comment, dude! You are hilarious. Why don't I know you?

I find this an interesting lead in to what can be a great story. However I do find fault with one part of the story, there is no such thing as alimony in the state of Texas.

Sometimes I read the comments and can't help but shake my head and wonder if we all just read the same story. Apparently not, or maybe some folks need to work on their comprehension skills. And social skills, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on those too.

Good story Beast, looking forward to the rest. By the way; you don't have to BTB the witch, but I'm hoping she'll at least have to eat her heart out before the end of the story. That would be enough for me. Yeah, we'll see. Thanks!

likeable characters and tommys not a gung ho revenge obsessed prick, he's moving onwards and upwards.

Well written and insightful with a bit of humor. As for any guy that would let his wife have a night out to go clubbing, especially with a divorced slut....well what do you expect?

A damn good read.

But I have a personal rule. I never give a 5 for an uncompleted story. But from what I have read thus far, your final grade may reach there. I am falling in love with "Goldilocks", and children are the best judges of character. Don't let me down.

I know a name is a name but why would a grown man keep a name like Tommy Boy. What is he: 13? That's a child's name not an adults. It would only add to his low self esteem.

I really enjoyed this one and am definitely hooked for the rest of the story.

There were many witnesses of Bill and his two buddies attacking one person. Those witnesses would be enough to throw all 3 attackers in jail. Why didn’t the police arrest them?

I like that he is bouncing out of it.

Why wouldn't the assault on him go anywhere?.There were witnesses to say he was the innocent party?.

Not sure about any assault investigation going nowhere. 5 stars.

This is a great story. I love the Tommy Boy character, and Angie, except for the 40DDs, is my physical therapist Christie. Christie beat me up three times a day for my four months in rehab, and I still pay her $40 an hour , three times a week for personal training. I don't get Tommy's incentives, but she keeps me working. My wife trains with her too, when work allows. This is a great story that I might have read a while back, but I'm enjoying it again.

What is the author trying to do here? At his age he can't keep his wife happy so she has to go looking else where? And at his height and age, he should be at two hundred forty at most. Bench pressing and lifting weights are designed to add muscle not loose weight. So now the author is going to try to make him into some kind of Palooka? Or a Casanova? And with nothing less but a former stripper/dancer? So his sensitive feelings got hurt cause she screamed at him in front of everybody? What about what he did by getting everybody to think sex with her would be his reward for achieving a goal? This story went to long with nothing there, and at the end, didn't make much sense. other than the obese ogres trying to hit on a former stripper.

Very stupid. Is everyone in this strange universe a moron or a jackass?

Doubt it will figure in the story,but with Brownwood being not too big,it shouldn't be hard for Tommy to get the three guys on their. own and kick the shit out of them,starting with Bill.

I think the proper way to deal with Rob and Marcus is to ambush each of them while they are out on a date (or "date") and ask them "So, is my wife a better fuck than this one?"

This yarn started well but then ran out of steam in the gym scene. It lost my attention at that point. 2 stars.

well sorry for you tommy boy ,you have the mind of a 12 year old boy

Great story - very well written and characters developed

Enjoying the tale. Dallas Fort Worth Beast, you write well.

Hoping there will be some payback, or karma on the ex, Susie and their BFs. Otherwise, the story had too much about them in the beginning.

good, interesting but 5 pages worth?

shitty, boring story. shitty characters too.

Oh this is good, you write some good things

Odd and perhaps insensitive that she told him about her FWB. I certainly wouldn't want to hear that if I was in Tommy's place. Not having read further yet, I'm worried that it will become an issue.

Good man? nah, this guy is like the floor, stable, supportive, reliable and easy to walk all over... man should shut his trap, switch to an mma gym and do a deep dive into who he really is and what he really wants, so he can develop enough self respect to recognize up front what he does and does not deserve... and ask important questions like why does some other guy get to be her friend with benefit but he has to invest a whole relationship for her?