All Comments on 'Bryan & Carla after the Supermarket'

Glad to see you continue this story, it would be really sad to see it left with the previous chapter. I like how you tackled it from the female POV and added all the details she deemed important coupled with her emotions and reactions. I like the idea of her/his POV and then a finishing one made from the 3rd person, gives you room to play with the characters and cover the story from all angles.

One small suggestion - while the retake of her side of the story made a lot of sense and covered everything we need to know, it sounded a bit dull. You could easily correct that by including her mom in that conversation (like when she was interrupting her daughter in her monologue), and the last few sentences don't make sense as her mom was already present so no need to recap it to her. Makes for a more naturally flowing conversation instead of a pages long monologue.

Gave it a 5* and am looking forward to the next one!

Please get the next one out ASAP and as long as possible I love this story

Would like to see where this goes. I'm a sucker for 'love lost and then found...'

A new point of view of events is always interesting, and more when it comes to a lost love and then rediscovered.

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.

keeping it to a single voice, and from only one perspective showed how creative the writer is. We learned a lot about Carla's life, and dreams. But it seemed a bit melancholy, even maudlin. It felt like we were eavesdropping on a phone conversation between Carla and her mother.

Great to see this story continue "The Supermarket".

so far so good. really nice read.

really shouldn't be 5*. Reads like a diary entry rather than a story. Hope that's different in the next chapters

Yadda, Yadda, Yadda

I gave it a five. If you believe it's my child fucking tell me. With DNA there can be no doubt. Quit making the father the bad guy. The greatest gift a woman can give a man besides her love is a child. Those guys that can't sed or realize that should give up his man card.

Who tells a story as a one sided phone call?

(don't listen to 'the rest'; they're clueless.)

I'm heading to Ch 2 felling like I know Carla well; Bryan was easy to figure out in the 'prequel'; he's a guy, not that complicated. Doesn't hurt that I've been there, done that.

I do have to ask, is 'kerb' the Brit word for curbing along a street?

Thanks for sharing.

GeoD

GeoD. The English language is a beautiful mess, in the Queen's English we use the word "kerb" as a noun for the edging stone that defines the separate areas of the pedestrian pathway (what we call the "pavement" and Americans call the "side walk") from the "gutter" which is the edge of the area of road or street that is the domain of the motor vehicles. Derivative words are kerbing, kerbstones, drop-kerbs, bus-stop kerbs (Kassel kerbs), and phrases like mounting the kerb, kerb-crawling, etc.

We use the word "curb" (same pronunciation) as the verb for curbing enthusiasm, etc.

Tony

If you had included even a little narrative from Mum, it might not have read like a long one sided telephone call. Just a thought. But I’m enjoying the storyline.

You are right Anonymous, I should have made it a telephone call monologue, because I was aiming for an uninterrupted gushing monologue from Carla, with any unheard "responses" easily interpreted, and I guess it would be easy enough to make it a telephone call if I ever get around to re-editing the piece.

Great story - very well developed- holds interest and reader looks forward to the continuation

Stupidly written chapter