Business or Pleasure?

I sat there the next morning replaying that in my mind, still conflicted, but I knew where I was leaning. It was, at the same time, thrilling and terrifying. Thrilling that this beautiful woman was interested in me, and terrifying to think about how my sons would react. Would they see this as a betrayal of their mother's memory? Would they disapprove of the age difference? I was pretty sure I could live with the disapproval of anyone else on the planet; just slough it off without another thought. But my boys? I'm not sure I could bear disappointing them.

It was Max who pulled me out this reverie, barking at me and jabbing me with his nose. He would not tolerate a delay in his morning walk, and soon he was sniffing every bush in my yard, deciding which one he should try to kill next.

My first meeting Friday morning was one of those necessary, but distasteful things one has to do in business. Karen Dennison, my young ingénue from the west coast, had signed releases as part of the audition process, allowing us to tear her life apart if she was selected for the role. My clients had spent billions building their brand, and they wanted no stone left unturned making sure we protected it. It was in my calendar as "Due diligence," and few on the team knew what we were doing.

We had hired a private detective agency to do a thorough background check on Karen. This was my first exposure to a private detective, and I have to say, the agency man who came to meet with us Friday morning was not what I expected. He was more corporate suit than Phillip Marlowe, and came complete with a PowerPoint deck we threw up on the flat screen to dissect Karen's life bit by bit.

To tell the truth, I was a little disappointed. I would have been happier with a rumpled gumshoe straight out of the imagination of Raymond Chandler or Robert B. Parker. But I found no cause for complaint with our detective's thorough look at the uneventful life of Karen Dennison.

"Our approach with this subject was to look for any kind of youthful indiscretion that could be embarrassing to the client, including looking at her social media, interviewing her friends and colleagues all the way back to high school," he said. "In addition, we looked for any criminal record, child abuse record, any history of prostitution or employment as an exotic dancer, etc. We checked her credit record, her employment history and her educational background."

He carefully went through each area, describing how they obtained access, who they interviewed and what they found.

"So, in summary, " he said, after about twenty slides, "no criminal record, nothing too salacious on social media, aside from a few bikini photos from last summer's vacation, a couple of late car payments on her credit report and that's about it," he said, handing out a printed version of his report. I'll admit, I might have looked at the bikini shots a little more carefully than I needed to.

After the detective left, I went back to my office to find a message from Judith waiting for me. I had hoped that she would have had a change of heart over night, but no dice. I called her and set up a lunch date for the following Monday. The annoyance was gone from her voice, at least, and we had a pleasant enough chat.

There was a mountain of work to do on this account, but most of it would hum along in the background while I did other things. The one thing I needed to do, however, was bring in a public relations agency partner who could team up with us to promote the hell out of our new campaign both in social media and in traditional media.

But this was tricky. I needed to partner with a PR only firm - one which had no advertising arm. Our business wasn't dog eat dog, not really, it was more like shark eat shark and I had no desire to introduce our client to potential competition.

I met with our team Friday afternoon and after an hour of discussion, I was pretty comfortable going with an agency that was local, and whose owner I had known since high school. I called Jack Morse and asked him if he wanted to compete for the business, and we agreed to meet with his team Monday afternoon to hear his pitch. I had outlined the job for him, and wanted him to come in and give us a plan on how he would attack it. I also needed to meet his team. If they were going to interact with my client, they would reflect on me. I needed to be sure they could handle a stressful situation and come off as professional.

In between meetings and throughout my day, my thoughts kept straying back to Deni, our dinner and Vito's timely advice. We had exchanged phone numbers last night, but I knew the chances of her calling me were slim. The ball was in my court. I debated it all day, but in the end the reality of Deni's beauty and mesmerizing smile carried the day. Suddenly, my quiet weekends working and hanging out with Max didn't seem so appealing. I called her about 4:30 in the afternoon.

"Hey, Deni, this is Collin. How are you?"

"Oh, hi. I'm good thank you," she said. "I wanted to thank you again for dinner and the ride home. I had a really nice time."

"Believe me when I say the pleasure was mine. So, I wondered what your schedule looks like this weekend. I'd love to see you again" I said, holding my breath, nervous as a schoolboy.

"I was hoping you'd ask," she said.

I exhaled, relieved. "I was thinking we could grab a quick bite to eat somewhere, and then go to a movie, if you're up for that."

"That would be great," Deni said. "But I don't think I could do it this weekend, honestly. I'm suddenly slammed with work and I'm supposed to move on Saturday. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get everything done over the next few days."

I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice. "That's fine, what looks good for you next week?"

"Any time, really, I have a big deadline Monday, then I'm good. "

We made plans to meet Wednesday evening and then said goodbye. It was going to be just me and Max again for another weekend.

Monday morning dawned clear and bright, the kind of day that made you want to smile a lot. I stayed out of the office over the weekend. There was plenty of yard work at home that needed to be done, so Max chased sticks as I raked and swept, and I went to bed tired every night. I had made my usual treks to the bagel shop, but no Deni. Either I missed her, or she had been too busy even for bagels.

I did have my lunch with Judith to look forward to, and the morning flew by. I left myself just enough time to get to the restaurant by noon, but, even then, Judith beat me to it.

"Judith, so sorry to keep you waiting," I said.

"Oh, no trouble. I've been catching up on my email," she said, with a nod to her phone.

We carried on with small talk for a few minutes, interrupted by our waiter taking our order and delivering our drinks.

"So, Collin, how is business?" Judith asked, once we were alone again.

"Business is very good, Judith." I answered honestly, but would have said it was good even if we had been hours away from turning the lights out. "A decade ago, I decided to focus more on growing national accounts, and it was a very good decision. Local work is great, and remains a big part of our business, but the national work adds a lot of stability."

"It must be a pretty demanding job, running all of that."

"Yes, and no. I work hard, yes, but I have some very good people in place who do most of the heavy lifting."

"Do you ever think about retirement?"

"Honestly, no. Maybe if Amy were alive, I would, but now my business is my life." I had been more open than I had intended to be, but it was all true. Amy and I had talked about a life in retirement that was heavy on seeing the world and visiting our boys and, eventually perhaps, caring for grandchildren. But without her, the idea of retirement seemed dark and lonely.

"Yes, I guess I know what you mean," Judith said. "But I would like to try to get to the point where there was a retirement I could really look forward to. You know, with a partner to travel with, to see the world." She went on, "In the meantime, though, I guess I should be grateful for work - gives me something to get up for."

"Who are you kidding, Judith? You love your work as much as I love mine."

"I do, Collin, I do. But ... I guess I thought there would be more at this point in my life."

Our meals came at that point, and we went back to small talk. But after lunch, Judith pretty much dispensed with subtleties. "So Collin, are you seeing anyone?"

I was a little taken aback by it. When she was talking vaguely in the third person, I could pretend I didn't know what she was asking. No ducking this one.

"Well, I have had a date with someone, and have another scheduled, but that's about it."

"That young black woman you left my event with?"

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact."

"Who is she?"

"Her name is Mthandeni Mdimba. She recently moved here from South Africa."

"Really, what does she do?"

"For work? Um ... I guess I don't really know," I admitted. "We went to dinner and talked a lot, but I don't think I ever asked her."

I felt odd, admitting that I knew really very little about this woman I was "dating," but our conversation had been mostly about my life, and my kids, and her adjustment to life in America and her family back in SA. We hadn't talked about work at all - hers or mine. It was refreshing, really, to talk to someone about something other than work.

Judith raised her eyebrows a centimeter, but made no further comment. Our lunch done, we left the restaurant and Judith gave me the briefest of hugs, with a promise to call me for lunch again in the near future. It wasn't until I got back to the office that I realized that if she had ever had some project to discuss with me, it never made it into the conversation.

My meeting with Jack Morse and his team was scheduled for 2, and hoping to present a mostly professional appearance, I brought Max to a sitter I use for such occasions. She immediately started talking baby talk to him and reintroduced him to her Golden, so he hardly knew I'd left.

I was on the phone when Jack and his team came in, but my staff showed them to the conference room. A couple of minutes later, I got off the phone and walked out to greet him.

"Jack, how are you?" I asked, as I shook his hand. I was genuinely happy to see him.

"I'm great Collin," Jack said. "I wanted to thank you again for this opportunity. I know we can do a great job for you."

"I'm eager to see your plan and meet your team."

"I've got some great people Jack, including a super new team leader you're going to love," he said, turning a little, to reveal the person behind him. "Collin, I want you to meet Mthandeni Mdimba, who joined us a couple of weeks ago. We call her Deni."

Jack droned on in his introduction and I didn't hear any of it. For her part, Deni looked uncomfortable, but not surprised. I gathered she expected to see me here. I took a couple of steps and reached out to shake her hand.

"Jack, no need for the introduction - Miss Mdimba and I have met." Then to Deni, "I had no idea you worked for Jack."

"How do you two know each other?" Jack asked.

"We're friends from the bagel shop," I answered, my eyes never leaving Deni. "She's a big fan of my dog Max."

"I asked Deni to head up this team, so it's great that you already know each other," Jack said, before launching into other introductions. I was shaking hands and trying to remember names as Jack brought up his team members, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see Deni, looking nervous and uncomfortable. I introduced my team to Jack and by the time everyone had exchanged business cards, Deni seemed to have recovered her composure.

We took our seats, and Jack thanked us again for the opportunity to pitch this work, and turned the meeting over the Deni to make the presentation.

Deni did a great job. I was doing my best to divorce my personal feelings for her from my analysis of her team's proposal. They laid out a well thought out plan to leverage social media and traditional PR to boost my client's new campaign and to help make Karen Dennison a universally recognized face. And I was mesmerized by Deni in this setting too. She was confident and comfortable at the helm, despite her earlier discomfort, and I just knew my client would be well served by her and her team. Jack wrapped up their presentation.

"Collin, we've known each other for most of our lives, and are friends. But I'm not here as a friend today," Jack said. "I'm here as a businessman who can bring to your client a professional team and a plan to work with you to boost this campaign. In the end, it's our job to make you guys look like heroes with your client, and we do that by bringing the considerable talents of Deni and her team to bear on this brand. We can do this, Collin. You have my word on it. "

When they were done, I asked Jack's team to step out of the room for a few minutes so we could confer, but I was pretty sure it was a foregone conclusion. My team agreed wholeheartedly and seemed to be excited to have a partner we could work with.

I went out into the lobby to share the news with Jack. This was a big deal for Jack, maybe a game changer as well. I had made my old friend a happy man. After our goodbyes, I went back into the conference room to grab my file, and Deni was in there, unplugging her laptop and packing up her briefcase.

"Sorry to surprise you like this today," she said. "It looked like it was quite a shock."

"It was, but a pleasant one as it turns out. How long have you known?"

"I figured it out over the weekend when I was prepping for this meeting. I went to your website to learn more about your company, and there you were. I thought about calling you, but I just wasn't sure how you would react."

"Well, I'm happy I get to work with you - that's how I react. Are we still on for Wednesday?" Deni was suddenly very busy with her briefcase. When she finally looked at me, the forced smile was back.

"Collin, I don't know. I have a strict rule about mixing business and pleasure, and this... this bothers me," she said. "I know you didn't plan this, but if I date you, it looks like..."

"You know you earned this business, right? You did a great job, and you'll do a great job on this account, whether we go to a movie together or not."

"I know, Collin, I really do, but... I hope you can understand."

I had this sinking feeling, and my disappointment must have shown on my face. Deni reached over and squeezed my hand very briefly, and let go when Jack stuck his head in the door.

"Deni, you all packed up? "

"I'm ready," she said, and turned to me and offered her hand to shake. "Mr. Halloran, it will be great working with you. "

"I'm looking forward to it," I said to her, and to Jack, added "Jack, we need to schedule a trip to Dallas to introduce you to the client."

"Oh, that would Deni's job, Collin," Jack said to me. "I'm done travelling. You guys are going to get to know each other better, I guess."

I glanced at Deni just in time to see her go back to the forced smile from what could only be described as alarm.

Chapter Three

I met Deni at the airport the following Thursday, in the departure gate area. We had made our reservations separately, so it was likely we weren't sitting together, which would be a waste of four or five hours of flight time.

"Where are you sitting?" I asked.

"I think it's seat 23C," she said, looking for her boarding pass.

"That cheap bastard makes you fly coach?" I teased. "We'll have to see about that." I dragged her up to the counter, where I arranged to have Deni sit next to me in first class. She protested, but not a lot.

Sitting in the gate area waiting for our flight to board, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I loved watching the way she interacted with other people - so warm and genuine, even with complete strangers. People responded to her so well. I'm sure some of it was her accent, but most of it was just her natural charm and ease with people.

She moved with such grace, it made me think she must have been a dancer in her youth. Her movements were fluid and beautiful. In a business suit, she managed to pull off being sexy without being inappropriate in any way.

Over the last week and a half, we had talked three or four times on the phone, and had one brief meeting when she came to my office to drop off signed contracts and insurance certificates. In my office, she looked at my photo wall, with pictures of my kids growing up, many of them with Amy. She settled on a photo I took of my guys just last fall, when we had rented a cabin in the Adirondacks for a weekend.

"Your boys are very handsome," she said, looking over at me, then back to the picture. "So, this would be Kevin?" she asked, pointing to my older son. We had talked a lot about my boys over dinner. I was flattered that she remembered their names.

"Yes, That is Kevin on the right and Thomas on the left."

She looked back and forth a couple more times, and shared her appraisal. "They look a lot like each other. No one would ever be surprised to learn that they're brothers. And both of them look so much like you."

I laughed.

"That's what people tell me. I don't see it, really."

Before she left we stood close to each other for a couple of minutes, talking about the upcoming trip. Her scent was intoxicating to me and eventually I had to step away from her, as the urge to grab her and kiss her again was almost overwhelming.

"I need to be going," she said. "So I'll see you at the airport in the morning?"

"I'll be there, bright and early." We had commiserated about this brutally early flight, it left at 6, meaning I had to leave my house no later than 4:30 to make it to the airport on time. For Deni, it was more like 4:15.

I walked over to show her out, and as I came close to her, her hand sought out mine and squeezed it, just a for a second. She looked at me and gave me a little Mona Lisa smile.

The gesture confused me. I'd spent the week before getting used to the new Deni identity - co-worker or colleague, rather than ... than what? Girlfriend? Love interest? Sex partner? After the phone calls and emails I had begun to resign myself to this fate, but that day her warmth was back. I had so wanted to pull her to me and kiss her - it was palpable. Now the little gesture with the hand implied an intimacy that I thought was gone.

I was back to behaving like a teenager - I might as well pick a daisy and do the whole "loves me, loves me not" routine. It would be no less productive than what I was doing now, vacillating between hope and despair; wavering between guilt and excitement.

We boarded at 5:30, and made our way to first class, where the flight attendant greeted us and immediately asked us what we wanted to drink. Coffee, black, for both of us. Deni looked at me and grinned.

"They don't treat us this way back in coach," she said.

I laughed. "That's why we're in first class." Then I did my best Humphrey Bogart impression, "Stick with me, kid, and your coach flying days are over."

As soon as we were on our way, we got our coffee and I asked Deni to take out her laptop, and for the next couple of hours, we went over her presentation to the client, with me playing the role of the skeptical client peppering her with questions, and testing her answers. It was effective, but also exhausting, and when we were done, we both put our seats back to catch a little sleep before the whirlwind day we had planned was upon us.

I don't sleep well on planes, never have. Deni, on the other hand, seemed to nod off in a few minutes. Eventually, I closed my eyes and I must have dropped off for a few minutes. I don't know if it was the flight attendant's movements that woke me, or some noise, but I gradually came to with a great feeling of satisfaction and well-being that I couldn't quite identify at first. By the time I was fully awake, though, I had it figured out. Deni was sound asleep next to me with her head on my shoulder and her arm entwined with mine. We had put up the separating arm rest while we were going over the presentation, as it just made sense, so her side was pressed against mine from our shoulders to our knees. I reveled in the sensation for a few minutes, and watched out of the corner of my eye as the flight attendant who had served us pointed us out to one of her colleagues. I was curious about her reaction - I didn't care really whether she approved or not, but I couldn't say I didn't want to know. In the end I think they were more amused than anything - sixty something white executive and his hot young black associate sharing a little closeness before the big meeting. I know it seemed pretty improbable to me.