All Comments on 'Caitlyn's Treatment Ch.16'

Need to involve her mom more. Other than that its a great read

I really enjoyed the first 5 or 6 chapters of this series, and it's no small accomplishment to make a series work for that long. There's a lot of funny wordplay, sexy situations, and Caitlyn's befuddled narration made for a clever read.

So I don't say this just to be hateful, but . . . I feel like this story has kind of turned into an endless PowerPoint presentation recounted by somebody totally stoned. There's too much useless detail about money and rules and Jevon's complicated operation (well yeah, he has an army of brainwashed sex slaves, of course it's complicated) and all this play-by-play which, given Caitlyn's mental state, is just too muddled.

For my money, the attempt to juxtapose this 1st person bimbofication tale with an interracial motif just doesn't work. For the most part, interracial seems to be a pretty visceral genre, whether about the taboo-busting or just a big endowment. But Caitlyn, bless her, isn't exactly in a state to register taboos or much of anything. Her chattiness has become repetitive and annoying, and whether or not any orphans in Africa are going to see any money, geez, who cares? Maybe her nattering is meant to be funny (in a way, it is). Maybe Jevon is a clever satire of an affirmative action empty suit (how come the black antagonists in these kinds of stories always rule the world through a secretive college fraternity anyway?). I do think the writer has some real talent, and maybe this story is just for personal kicks, but I feel like this could be so much better. But it's turned shapeless and slow as molasses.

Hope you keep up with it. It is not only sexy and intriguing, but with a great sense of humor. I really like mind control stories from the perspective . I have to admit I want to see more of caitlyn with her friends and her mom too. You've already snuck in a bit of lesbian incest, so there's hope for more. Hope you keep writing.