All Comments on 'Calculated Moves Ch. 02-03'

Welp that was the dark I was waiting for lol. Excellent chapter , can't wait for the next one !!

Great chapter. Hope another one comes soon.

Obviously you got the BDSM story like, as well as the names, from 50 shades. Though this one is a bit darker. What I think you need to improve on: First, the grammar, next is the consistency on building your characters, third is the flow or rate of the story (too fast, for me. It will be good if you establish a background for each of your characters first), and maybe, lastly is the originality. But, I see this story is doing a great job. It is also important to keep your readers hanging (so they will always check on your entry), excited, and imagining on what will happen next. And dear, you got these three. Goodluck!

Thank you for the criticism and your excellent input, I will most definitely keep all this in mind the next time I write, I've already submitted the 4th chapter earlier today so I couldn't take what you said into consideration for that one, I will in the future though.

In response to the 4 points you made, firstly grammar, I intentionally wrote Skylar's narration that way to make it seem as natural as possible, who speaks proper English these days anyway, but when I read through it on the site I have to admit I did go overboard with the punctuation marks and there were some errors loll. Your second point, I'm sorry I thought I built Skylar's character quite well, she doesn't know alot about Jamie so I couldn't write much about him. Thirdly, when I look back I also feel I went a bit fast, I just didn't want to loose the readers also this chapter was rejected on Sunday cos it didn't have any sex in it" to much of a tease", I rewrote it to include the steamy bits, I think that's why it felt rushed. And lastly originality I stated from the beginning that it would be similar to other stories, I never said I would be original  and I mean this in a completely non hostile way. I personally feel all this can be put right if I just dedicate more time to writing lol, honestly though I just decided last Thursday that I wanted to write out my naughty daydreams, this wasn't a well thought out type of thing. I really appropriate what you had to say, thank you.

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Gosh I typed alot!

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One more thing, thank you everyone for your comments and feedback, its an awesome feeling to know you actually enjoyed my writing.

Niki

Christian Grey meets Paul Spector!

Bring it on!!! :D

Are you on twitter? Skylar grey rings a bell for me.

Your writing is good, i really enjoy it.

Looking forward to next chapter!

Good luck!!

Hey there

I just want to say that you need to follow what your heart tells you to.

Of course you can take comments as consideration.

But dont let them distract you too much.

x

I don't often get hung up on grammar and typos, especially if the story is this dark. However, it is easy enough to get an editor on this site, or so I understand. I love that he is truly a bastard, and not just a good guy in disguise as so many of these stories evoke. How he decides to fuck her hard on her first time, deliberately is amazing. But the thing that sort of diminishes his threatening nature is the fact that he used a condom. I guess he is perfectly justified in using a condom, but people don't read stories like this to enjoy safe sex. They want hard, and dirty, and wrong. I look forward to more of his "hurting" her. I think we enjoy the same things, so I look forward to your next chapter---to see if you are as bad as me, or God forbid, worse.

You are writing this thing in a way that actually feels realistic to me. People with that much money are a different species of human, they exist apart from the rest of us. Plenty of them are perfectly nice, but I can totally see a narcissistic sociopath doing this exact evil thing, fully expecting to get away with it. But even so, slipping on a condom to rape a girl he probably knows isn't very sexually active and not on the pill is much simpler than covering up an abortion. He's a dick, he's not stupid, so the condom didn't distract from the story for me; I thought it made it better. But that's just me, everybody's different.