Calm Ch. 07

Ellie stood up and took the documents from his hands. She had to tug on them hard to pull them from his grasp. With all the patience in the world she straightened out the crumpled parts and folded them back together so she could fit them in the envelope. Her hands trembled, but only a little. Her father sat staring up at her with tears running down his cheeks. He reached for her arm, but held back just before touching her. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. In here, all I can do is think. I think it's really healing me."

Ellie turned around. "No! Wait! Just let me talk! You don't have to go. You're all I have. I'm sorry. I'll say it a thousand times. I should've never touched a hair on your head. You're my little girl. I was just so confused. I never wanted to..."

His strength left him by the time Ellie turned back to him. The look in her eyes was hard and unforgiving. A vengeful goddess stood in the shoes his daughter wore. "Don't talk to me about guilt. I know all about your guilt. I've heard every excuse you could come up with. Never stopped you, did it? I'm not your daughter anymore. Why do you think that is? Do you think what you did is what the little girl you hurt wanted? It's not, but that doesn't matter now.

"You've done things that can't be forgiven. I'll have nightmares about you till the day I die. You're still hurting me in my sleep. I can't be normal because of you. So don't you talk to me about forgiveness! I don't need to give you anything. I'm leaving now. Once I've gone through those doors, it's the last you'll ever see of me."

Without another word, Ellie turned on her heels and walked away. She never saw her father crumble, crushed by her words. Instead, she walked out of the prison, out of his world, and into the sunshine and the wind that welcomed her outside. Her feet carried her off on a long walk with no clear destination.

Thoughts wouldn't come. Her mind was nothing but swirling emotions, too raw to put a name on them. One thing glowed bright and strong though, in the middle of the tumult. Pride. She'd taken the last step towards the start of her new life. Life as a made woman. A woman who proved there was a vast depth beneath her extraordinary exterior. The oldest struggle in her life would carry her forward.

That first step also carried her to a sunny park. Birds sang their songs while the wind rustled the leaves hiding them. Ellie heard the laughter of children climbing up and jumping off the play racks in the huge sandbox. She let herself be led to an old wooden bench in the shade. The whole park stretched out before her. Children ran about while their mothers clumped together. Ellie couldn't keep her eyes off them. The smiles on their little faces filled her with joy.

Jeff would've loved playing with them. He'd have volunteered to be the first to tag the others or to go and search for them. He was like that, always ready to do what others wouldn't.

Ellie leaned back and looked up at the sky with a smile on her face. "Well, Jeff, I just want to say I'm okay now. I've found a family. You would've loved them, and they'd have loved you. I'm sure of it. I'm safe and happy. But I miss you, Jeff. Every day. I think about you all the time. I dream about you. But I don't want to think about that right now. Right now, I'm going to play with some kids in a sandbox. I think it'll be fun."

The end