by LstDghter1
I tried, I really find, but several paragraphs in and I still had no idea who was who, or what was going on.
There was also do much British slang that I just couldn't understand what was going on. Sorry but just one star.
Really enjoyed your story, I wonder if it was from a real experience ! I understand the American readers not understanding our language and slang phrases. I must say it was a little confusing as to who was who, a little more detailed explanation was called for there. All the characters were a little slow to get going sexually so leads me to think this maybe happened quite a long time ago. Loved the slip up the bum bit, we've all done that I think lol. Shame he didn't get to shag his sister though lol. Enjoyed it immensely , keep on writing.
Was a great story and fairly well written however I had the same issue I wasn't sure it was from a women perspective until three pages and no clue what anyone looked like (kinda helps imagine the story) keep that in mind and u will go far
Was so bored gave up, didnt have a clue who was who or what they looked like just ages from 18-40 about 12 no idea about who was related to who, all this should be at the beggining of the story - sorry i just gave up skipped to p7 to leave you my opinion, for what its worth that is !!
As others have said, it was confusing trying to figure the gender of the protagonist at the beginning, plus very few names were given even though there was 12 people camping. I still enjoyed the story so have given it 4 stars; I'd like to see a follow up too, maybe with the three girls and Jack going camping again or Jack and Steph hooking up.
It's too confusing trying to figure out who is who...
Despite what others have said, I had no problem keeping track of who was who. I gathered long before you mention Fi's name that she was a girl - there were numerous hints. You clearly stated that Jack and Steph were siblings, twins in fact. I don't know what everyone's complaining about. I thought it was a great story.
The only thing I found a bit odd was when characters would start a sentence with "Will..." instead of "I will…" or the contraction "I'll…".
Also, just a suggestion, but try not to use 'as' so much. Sure, it's a great conjunction, but avoid using it more than once or twice per paragraph. Keep up the good work, and don't let the Americans discourage you. They never understand anything that isn't written in 'Merican.
I had to stop reading to comment. What the hell is a full sized king twin bed.
Very well written with excellent pacing and a natural flow of events, loved the scenario. Doesn't take too much effort to figure out POV is female and what's going on so those that are complaining are just lazy.
With 3 girls in the scene, you can't say "she" all the time instead of using names. It's too confusing trying to keep track of who is doing what.
Also, the story promised incest, but the siblings never had sex.
2 stars