Capitalism, Free Enterprise & Greed

Buy land for one dollar an acre with a one thousand acre minimum. Yep, you heard me right, a buck an acre. Yes, this whole area was once a swamp and still is a bit swampy, but rumor has it that Disney is looking to expand Disney World. No, it doesn't matter that this land is nowhere near Disney World, but trust me. Have I ever lied to you before? Just sign here and set up your lawn chair, while wearing your Mickey Mouse hat and wait. The tourists will be here soon. Don't worry. Smile. Be happy. By the way, do you need a bridge? I have one for sale.

Take advantage of timeshare properties that others have lost due to bankruptcy and foreclosure. Isn't the view beautiful? And look at all the amenities of this property. Everything is brand new and newly constructed after the tsunami, uhm, never mind. You are right on the ocean with nothing to protect you, I mean, to block your view of the sunrises and sunsets. There's no truth to the rumor that the hurricane that hit here last year killed many of the timeshare residents, which is why we had to foreclose on their properties. Just think of it as their loss is your gain. Just sign here. Congratulations. I got to go. I heard there's a storm coming.

It's all free. There's no cost to you. No obligation. No one will call. Just sign here. Just give us your routing number and bank account number and we'll do the rest. Just give us your credit card number and expiration date and we'll take care of everything. Yeah, sure, we take debit cards, too.

Do you have gold jewelry? It doesn't matter how old it is, if it's broken, of if it's even your jewelry to sell. We'll take it and give you the lowest, I mean, the highest gold prices on the market today. Just stick it in the prepaid envelope we supply you at no cost to you, mail it to us, and we'll send you a check. Don't worry about a thing. Don't even bother reading the fine print. Trust me, as you would your personal loan shark, I mean, jeweler. We're here to help ourselves, I mean, you.

We have factory closeouts for sale below cost. Free shipping and handling, there's never a charge to deliver this junk, I mean, this valuable and deeply discounted merchandise to your door. Easy credit, just call us and we'll give you the answer in sixty seconds or less. Make me an offer. No offer refused. I want your business. We will not be undersold.

Say yes to Jesus. Bring God into your life by making a generous donation. The more you give the more you will receive in God's eternal blessing. When Reverend Hector prayed for a new Cadillac, he donated $1,000 and lo and behold, he was driving a shiny red Cadillac by the end of the year. The fact that he was later arrested for stealing the car has nothing to do with it.

Blessed it be to God and to those who believe. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! The call is free. Operators are waiting to help you become spiritually richer albeit financially poorer. Call now. Make that call. Make that pledge. We take Master Card, Visa, Discover Card, American Express, and Debit Cards.

This is an opportunity of a lifetime. All expenses are paid. You just pay your airfare down and we'll take care of the rest. This is your opportunity for a three day and two night all expenses paid vacation in the sun and in the fun. There's absolutely no sales pressure, whatsoever. You don't have to buy anything. You just have to agree to sit and listen to our description of the properties for sale, while sitting in a hot, smelly, and unventilated room for sixteen hours, so that our salespeople can beat you down, until you say yes and sign on the dotted line.

Whatever you want, just fill out this survey and it's yours free. We have no hidden agenda. We only want to know your likes and dislikes. The personal information you give us will not be used anywhere else, but for the purposes of this survey that we supply to companies the world over. Just tell us which of the prizes you want, an X-Box, a new 32" digital HDTV, an iPOD, a digital camera with video. Pick a prize and it is yours free for the taking with no obligation and nothing to buy.

We make our money from the companies, who pay us to find out your preferences. This is market research and for the three hours that it takes you to fill out this complicated survey, before you finally give up in frustration, we'll give you whichever prize that you want, so long as your name is drawn from the one million other fools, who filled out this survey and received nothing, absolutely nothing, and now we have all this personal information about you. Thanks a lot sucker.

There are thousands of home businesses that will make you rich. Get rich quick. Make yourself too much money to count. You can work from home. Anyone can do this. It's easy. All you have to do is lift your head off the pillow, open one eye, and you're making money. Yes, it's that easy. All you need to do to get started making money is the make that call. Call today. Call now. Don't delay. Live operators are waiting to talk to you. Have your credit card ready.

Get rich quick empty promises, pyramids schemes, multi level marketing, Ponzi schemes, Mary Kay, Amway, Avon, Quixtar, Primerica, chain letters, network marketing, buying properties fixing them up and flipping them, even you, too, can become a millionaire over night. That's right. Even you can be rich, too. All you need to get started is to buy my wealth building guide book and my collection of DVD's that will give you my secrets to my new, guaranteed money making scheme, I mean system that tells you how I made my millions and how you can, too.

I drive this beautiful fly yellow Ferrari F430. I live in a palatial palace with six bedrooms and 6 baths. I own this 60 foot yacht. I have millions in the bank. Every one of these nearly naked beautiful, buxom, bikini clad, blonde women, who surround me, love me, they truly love me and they all give me hot sex every day and every night. Ah, life is good. Imagine yourself standing here where I am now. This could be you.

Are you worried about your lack of education? Are you concern that my program is too difficult to understand? Well don't because I never finished high school and I have all of this. Go at your own speed and earn millions of dollars at your own pace. If it sounds too good to be true, it is because he made his millions by selling his book and DVD's and not by using his guaranteed money making scheme, I mean system.

There are thousands of flimflam men, carpet baggers, fraudulent offers, confidence men, grifters, scams, rip-offs, rackets, shell games, deceptions, and deceptive practices that are all illegal and waiting to take advantage of you at a time when you are most vulnerable. The times when you are most vulnerable are those times that you are treading new ground and/or emotionally upset and not thinking straight.

You want to buy a car, your first car and are blinded by the shiny red Mazda or silver Toyota sitting on the dealer's lot or how about that Honda Accord? How much of your hard earn money, money that you haven't even earned yet, but will earn in the six years that it will take to pay off this car, do you pay for his car? The manufacturer's sticker reads one price, but what is a fair price to offer? It's a really nice car and you really, really want it.

It doesn't matter because the salesman already has you marked. You're in his sights. There's no way you're leaving here without buying this car. He's a professional car salesman who sells hundreds of cars a year and thousands of cars in his career, while you buy one car every eight years. What chance do you have against him? None. So just sign the agreement to purchase and give him all your money, so that you can leave with your dignity.

"How much can you afford to pay?" He asks you with a smile that makes you believe that he's your friend, your buddy, and your pal? "Want some coffee? Let me get you a cup. That's right relax and put your dirty sneakers up on my desk. It's okay. I don't mind. Go ahead, you can even fart in my chair and really stink up my office, so long as you buy a car."

Only that lousy cup of coffee with end up costing you, gulp, thirty thousand dollars. Here's what to do. Don't answer his question. How much can you afford to pay? It's none of his business. Ask him a question. How much are you willing to take for this pile of shiny shit that will depreciate, as soon as I drive it out the door, and will fail me, as soon as my lousy three year warranty that barely covers anything, anyway, ends? Huh? Ask him that question? Let's hear what he has to say to that.

Before you walk in the dealership, do your homework. Research prices and spend some time going over numbers to discover how much you can actually afford to pay monthly without breaking your budget. Now, make him an offer and when he refuses, get up, leave, walk away, get out. He'll stop you, before you go out the door. There are lots of car dealers selling lots of cars that they can't sell, especially in this economy. It's a buyer's market. So, why pay more?

The vultures know when you are at your weakest point. They pray on your misery. They are professional salespeople who can read you like a book. Did you have a death in the family? Well then stay home, while someone else makes the funeral arrangements, someone who was not as close to the deceased as were you and someone, who can act on your behalf, while thinking with a clear mind.

Mama would not have wanted that ten thousand dollar silver and gold trimmed bronze casket. Mama is dead. Save your money. Don't go in debt because you feel bad about your loss or feel guilty that you didn't say or do the things that you should have said and/or done when she was alive and, now that she's dead, you want to show her that you loved her by burying her in this ten thousand dollar box. All that you're doing is giving money that you can ill afford to your local funeral home owner, so that he can buy another shiny, black Cadillac to attract more suckers like you to his funeral home.

Did you just get married? Congratulations. So, what are you going to do with all the money you received from the wedding? Buying a house? Good move. Only, take someone with you, a professional who not only knows the market, the area where you are looking to buy, but also about homes and home construction.

Did that bum of a husband leave you and your three small children for that blonde, bombshell bimbo Brenda, the one with the big tits, full lips, and spread opened legs? And you haven't stopped crying, since he served you with divorce papers, as well as a restraining order? That bastard took everything, the house, the car, the money, everything, except for the kids and refuses to pay your child support.

Well, before you do something foolish, something stupid, and something you'll regret, take the time to do your research. Buying a gun is not an easy proposition, you know, especially if you have never had one. Should you buy the small .22 caliber derringer and surprise them both at their favorite restaurant and put a small hole in them or should you buy that double barrel shotgun and blow both their heads off with one shot? Hmm, decisions, decisions, that's a tough decision. If it was me, I'd buy the .44 caliber magnum handgun with hollow point ammunition and the nine shot clip. You don't want to overspend for a gun that just won't do the job in a pinch.

Then, if you don't feel bad enough about not having money and being one of the have nots, there's always Suzie Orman to rub it in your face and make you feel worse. Suzie Orman is an arrogantly annoying woman who writes all those books telling people how to live, survive, and flourish financially? She acts much like a Jewish mother in her approach than she does a financial consultant. Instead of offering you the advice of her expertise, she scolds you. She makes you feel guilty. She belittles you. She makes you feel bad. She makes you depressed. She makes you feel like the loser that you are. I change my channel, whenever I see her ugly puss on my television screen. I can't stand the woman.

"Pay off your credit cards," she touts. "Pay yourself first," she advises.

Yeah, I'd pay all my credit cards off, if I had the money, if I had a job, and I'd certainly pay myself first, if I earned millions of dollars from writing books on scolding people how to make money. I hate her.

Even though venerable Pink Floyd made fun of the system and pointed their musically talented fingers at the consciousness cultural culprit being money, they made a lot of money when they wrote their song, Money. Back then, I can't recall anyone who didn't have Pink Floyd's album, The Dark Side of the Moon and who didn't listen to it with awe and reverence, when played on their Technics turntable through a Carver 500 watt amp and preamp on their Ohm F or Dalquist DQ10 speakers. That my friend was put your earphones on, put your head back, and close your eyes type of music.

"Money, get away. Get a good job with pay and you're okay. Money, it's a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash. New car, caviar, four star daydream, think I'll buy me a football team. Money, get back. I'm all right, Jack. Keep your hands off my stack. Money, it's a hit. Don't give me that do goody good bullshit. I'm in the high-fidelity first class traveling set and I think I need a Lear Jet. Money, it's a crime. Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie. Money, so they say, is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a raise it's no surprise that they're giving none away."

It was a few years after the 60's, revolt and revolution was in the air with the swell of baby boomers coming of age and in 1973 Pink Floyd, as did so many of us, saw the ridiculousness of money and played their parody of it to make, well, yeah, money, a lot of money. It amazes me how much money singers make when they finally cut a record and make it big. When I think of some of the people who have profited just by opening their mouths and singing a song, people who now are set for life and who never have to work a day, it's mind boggling. I'm jealous.

There are a multitude of talented artists, people who I wouldn't cross the street to see, should I see them out in public, had they not earned their celebrity status singing songs and writing music. Many have died, but still to make my point, here is my incomplete list of those singers who found an easy answer to earning millions of dollars and doing everything they could to self-destruct their lives immediately thereafter: Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Willie Nelson, Glen Campbell, Frank Sinatra, Connie Francis, Judy Garland, Elvis Presley, Wayne Newton, Whitney Houston, Ricky Nelson, Prince, Rick James, Sinead O'Connor, James Brown, Axel Rose, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and Jerry Lee Lewis.

I don't understand the phenomenon of singers earning huge fortunes when the rest of us, accountants, teachers, nurses, administrative assistants, secretaries, truck drivers, office workers, librarians, grocery clerks, convenience store attendants, auto mechanics, et al, who make pennies in comparison to these singers who make millions of dollars. We the average person, who can't carry a tune, work so much harder to earn so much less. It just doesn't make any sense. It's not fair. Yet, that's the reality of it all, isn't it?

Doesn't it make you angry when you hear a celebrity complain how hard it was for them to wake up at 5am every day to have someone fix their hair and do their makeup in readiness for their photo shoot, movie, and/or concert tour? And that's just the guys. Give me a break. Then, they take the next eleven months off, while living a luxurious lifestyle on some tropical island and getting high, before going into rehab. Give me a break.

Many of these people don't know what it is to work for a living, which is why they self-destruct and which is why they turn to drugs and alcohol. They feel guilty that they were the chosen ones, while the rest of us work in obscurity in a life without any financial rewards and/or security whatsoever. Don't get me wrong. Not all singers are bad people. There have been lots of singers, fortunately, more singers who have practiced their art and bettered their craft, while making a good living and remaining true to themselves in the process than there are on my other list of self-destructive performers.

Many have died, but here is my incomplete list of singers, who others may want to emulate: Christina Aguilera, Celine Dion, Sarah Brightman, John Lennon, George Harrison, Paul McCarthy, Shania Twain, Luther Vandross, Lady GaGa, Aretha Franklin, Eric Clapton, Bob Marley, Kelly Clarkson, Josh Groban, Madonna, Freddie Mercury, Justin Timberlake, Gwen Stefani, Bob Dylan, Bono, Stevie Wonder, Jimmy Buffet, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner, Barbra Streisand, Pat Benatar, Jennifer Hudson, Dolly Parton, Elton John, Sheryl Crow, and Phil Collins. These singers, of course, I don't know all the intimate details of their background, but they have stayed clear of trouble and instead of self-destructing, have helped to make the world a better place.

Not surprisingly, love is the only subject where more songs have been written than songs about money, as, oddly enough, love is equally as fleeting as money. Who can forget those classic tunes, "We're in the Money" or "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend." Oh, yeah, wishing for money goes way back. The Beatles sang those unforgettable songs, "Money, that's what I want and I don't care much for money, money can't buy me love."

"I've got the brains, you've got the looks. Let's make lots of money," sang the Pet Shop Boys. Dire Straits sang their song, "Money for nothing playing guitar on MTV...Bangin on the bongos like a chimpanzee. That ain't workin. That's the way you do it. Get your money for nothing. Get your chicks for free."

George Harrison of the Beatles fame, sang his song, Got My Mind Set On You with his group the Traveling Willburies. "And this time I know it's for real. The feeling that I feel. I know if I put my mind to it. I know that I really can do it. But, it's gonna take money. A whole lotta spending money. It's gonna take plenty of money. To do it right child."

Billy Joel asked, "Is that all you get for the money?" when he sang, Anthony's Song. Spinal Tap was more blatant about it when they sang, "You know what I want. You know what I need. Give me some money." Even the beloved Eagles had their finger on the pulse when they wrote Lyin Eyes and the lyrics, "City girls just seem to find out early how to open doors with just a smile. A rich, old man and she won't have to worry..."

On the other hand, Donna Summer defended women with her lyrics, "She works hard for the money. So hard for it, honey. She works hard for the money. So you better treat her right." Janis Joplin said the words that reverberated in my head for decades whenever I fell to my knees in despair and in prayer with the thought of her song, Mercedes Benz. "Oh, Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz."

The singers of the group Abba could not speak or understand English, but they understood all they needed to know about money when they sang their song. "Money, money, money, always sunny in the rich man's world." Even the matriarch of country music, Dolly Parton sang the truth about money when she sang her song from the movie 9 to 5. "It's a rich man's game, no matter what they call it."

Can you blame any of us for being overly preoccupied with money, when we grew up hearing such lovely classic songs? "Hush, little baby, don't say a word. Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won't sing, Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

Carly Simon resurrected that song in the seventies. She was another poor, rich girl. Her father was co-founder of Simon and Schuster, Inc., the big publishing house. Her mother probably sang her to sleep with that song every night. Whereas, my Mom just told me to go to sleep or she'd beat the crap out of me with a strap.