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Do you like watching golf on television? I'd rather watch paint dry than watch a golf game on television. Did you know that Tiger Woods earned one hundred and twelve million dollars playing golf? Okay, maybe he's not making that much now, after cheating on his wife with strippers, but he will again, once he starts playing golf and winning.
Actually, he earned a measly twelve million from playing golf and one hundred million from endorsements. Now, if that doesn't make you want to run out and buy a pair of Nikes, a Buick, a Tag Heuer wristwatch, or drink his nasty vitamin water, then I don't know what will.
Forget about Tiger Woods, rapper 50 Cents is worth much more than four bits. Forget about his albums and his music, forget about his endorsements with Reebok and Playstation, this guy is filthy rich after earning a cool 100 million with much more to come, possibly half a billion from his share in the company Glaceau after Coca-Cola purchased it. Now, that's real money. That's some serious dough for a guy from the 'Hood' with gang tats and a police record.
It's amazing to me that, even after all these years, Madonna still managed to earn seventy-two million dollars last year. Why? How long has it been since this material girl was singing her material world song?
Her movie that her boy toy ex-husband, Guy Ritchie made, Swept Away, sucked. I saw the original movie with Giancarlo Giannini and Mariangela Melato and that was hot. This movie could have and should have been hotter but it flopped. All she did was to pose for the camera to show everyone that she was still in shape for an old broad. Her acting was terrible. It was so bad that had they cast Paris Hilton in the leading roll, it would have been a marginally better movie.
Howard Stern fell in shit when he quit radio to explore outer space with satellite radio. I wonder how much Robin is worth. Hey, she's not a bad looking woman and she's got really big tits. His gamble as a modern day telecommunications pioneer paid off. He earned seventy million dollars last year. Way to go, Howard.
Oscar de la Hoya, one of boxing's pretty boys behind the original pretty boy, Muhammad Ali, aka Cassius Clay, earned fifty-five million dollars last year, fifty-three from one fight when he fought another pretty boy, Floyd Mayweather, Jr. for the Junior Middleweight title, who earned twenty-five million from the purse.
Now, why do they call that a purse? I've never seen a boxer carry a purse and you don't want to accuse crazy Mike Tyson of carrying a purse either, at least not to his face. He'll bite off your ear, before pounding you to death. Can you picture big George Foreman carrying a purse filled with, what else, hamburgers?
Carrying a purse home, albeit with fifty-five million smackeroos, sounds a bit gay for a boxer nonetheless, I'd take the purse if they filled it with fifty-five million bucks. I wouldn't even mind if they put my fifty-five million big ones in a big, pink purse.
Oscar also earned twenty-eight million from pay-per-view receipts. He earned a pittance of two million in endorsements. I wonder what he endorsed. Does anyone know?
Simon Cowell of American Idol fame earned forty-five million dollars for acting like the bastard that he is and insulting everyone about their singing, clothes, and hair. "If you've got a big mouth and you're controversial, you're going to get attention," he was quoted as saying.
Do you watch late night television? You'd be gratified to know that David Letterman earned forty million dollars last year. "I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host," says David to justify his huge paycheck.
Brad Pitt was good for thirty-five million plus he gets to sleep with Angelina Jolie. Be honest, which would you take thirty-five million dollars or being married to Angelina Jolie? As much as I love her lips and her hot body, I'd have to take the money. Only, this guy gets both. What a pig you are Brad.
"Success is a beast. And it actually puts the emphasis on the wrong thing. You get away with more instead of looking within," said Mr. Pitt. Yeah, life is a bitch, Brad. I feel your pain.
Shaquille O'Neal of the Miami Heat made thirty-five million dollars last year. He made twenty million dollars for playing basketball and another fifteen million dollars in endorsements. Wow.
Tiger Woods made Derek Jeter's paycheck look small. Derek only made twenty-nine million last year, twenty-two million from playing third base for the beloved or hated New York Yankees and a lousy seven million from endorsements. Derek should have picked up a golf club instead of a baseball bat. Doesn't Derek Jeter look more like a golfer than a baseball player, anyway? I don't know how he's going to survive on only twenty-nine million dollars. Maybe we all can take up a collection for him later.
Dale Earnhardt, Jr. made over twenty-seven million racing cars, actually, seven million from driving and twenty million from endorsements. Doing endorsements are the way to go.
If anyone out there is willing to pay me, Freddie, Bostonfictionwriter, huge amounts of money to endorse anything, please e-mail. I can be just as insincere as the next guy when endorsing your hemorrhoid cream or foot fungus or shoe polish spray to cover bald spots.
The End
- COMMENTS
Sempleabout 8 years agoSince most of the 1% are Thieves and Killers I think there is too much pessimism in your essay.
The question simply comes down to: What is your soul worth to you?
Envy of the Reich? Not hardly. I can look at my face every day as I shave and head off to work knowing that my means of living is NOT based on from whom I steal or what people die so I might have riches.
How many people have the Brothers Koch killed? How many people are the Brothers Koch Killing each day? How many people have the DuPonts, Waltons, Adelsons, Devos, Scaifes, destroyed, killed, made their life worse?
Every study done put the US of A as one of the worst countries for climbing the Economic ladder.
Paris Hilton --- born with more money than 99% of the people.
Chuckie K. and his Family, born into millions of $$$$$$$ working for Stalin.
Bush, Walker, and many other Bankers made money by supporting Hitler while their country fought him.
Foster Dulles made sure that FDR didn't prosecute Walker and Bush for their crimes against the US.
If you have morals you cannot become Rich.
If you have No Morals, Rich is easy.
lazarithabout 8 years agoI see that you've been brainwashed by Boston society, like many of the other Boston residents that I've met. People use a variety of emotions to get what they want; in the case of economically-liberal Boston, the emotion they tap into is envy.
You describe the wealth of many of the millionaires and billionaires as if, because we have less, they owe us something. The only way they'd owe us anything would be if they took something from us to get that wealth.
Sure, some of them might have: for example CEOs that made money off of the bank/auto bailouts made that money at the taxpayer's expense, and do not deserve it. But that is not all of the super-rich, and it would be naive to think of an entire group of people as evil, just because the media provides a few examples of some of rich who are evil.
Crony-capitalists that essentially bribe politicians to create regulations that hurt their competitors, would be another example of this. It is one of the reasons that it is so difficult for the middle class to create jobs-- all of the red tape make it not worth the while to start a business.
I once had the opportunity to rent my house out to someone, but previous Massachusetts renting experience taught me a lesson-- it's not worth the risk brought on by Massachusetts regulations. When I was renting, a criminal rented out part of the property and cause a lot of trouble for other residents of that property (he threatened to hurt me because I wasn't around to move my car). A year later, the landlady was unable to get rid of the tenant; all of her other tenants then decided to move out, myself included. Her loss of about 8 tenants was directly caused by Massachusetts regulations that make it next to impossible to throw out tenants.
I refuse to rent property under these conditions, and I am sure others do too. Through the law of supply and demand, this directly increases rent prices, which I agree are already too high in Boston.
So, you want to be rich? I do too.
What is the best way to do this? Create value- learn a trade, become the best at something and work hard at producing.
There will always be someone richer than us, probably richer than we can even imagine, but that's not a problem! Life is not a competition; the goal is to be happy, and in today's society, we have much more than the communist Soviet Russians had (except the communists at the top-- they had it all). We don't have to worry about starving. We have televisions and the ability to create our own television content. We have the internet and ability to send messages across the entire world for an incredibly cheap price, all things considered.
So maybe there are some things we can't afford that others can; I say, so what! We don't need a trip to Fiji to be happy. I don't know about you, but am happy right here, with what I have earned through decades of effort and thought.
Certainly, there are some things in our way that give the super-rich an advantage (eg: the Federal Reserve leaching money off of everyone by essentially printing money to prop up Wall Street-- I say abolish the Fed). Government-enforced monopolies, like Comcast also come to mind.
But the solution to that is to reduce the power of the government by eliminating its ability to create disruptive regulations. Creating regulations with loopholes that only the rich can afford to navigate, or increasing taxes (theft with the threat of force) on the wealthy will just drive the actual producers away, damage our economy, and in the long term, make us all poorer.
And with that, I will leave you with the quote at the following link:
http://capitalismmagazine.com/2002/08/franciscos-money-speech/
PS: I see that you are a great writer-- clearly you have a skill that could be very profitable!
gperry2843about 11 years agoThat is the question, from the tone of the piece I would surmise emotionally this was not being one of your better days, but from a reader's perspective based on how interesting and well written the article is I would say it was one of your very best days. Like Bazzz I am addressing this after your amazing sex change operation and I must say I am more than a little stunned. This has to have gone down in the journals of medical science as the most successful transformation of this sort on record. You aren't trying to snooker us here are you Freddie? You didn't write this just after reading your new issue of Forbes Magazine after reading your morning edition of the Wall street Journal did you? You're not trying to maintain your readership by not letting us know you live in that corner four story brownstone at the other end of the block in the first block of Commonwealth Avenue in Boston are you? You seem pretty familiar with the houses on that block.
Bazzzover 11 years agoYes Freddie it's me again. We haven't really conversed since your sex change but I couldn't resist leaving a little boost, especially after our boy Smarmy got involved. Was he right? Have you resorted to crack to get thejob done here? Quite frankly that doesn't seem to be your style. I see you doing something eclectic and kinky, perhaps an addiction to the various My-T-Fine pudding products to drive that savage imagination of yours.
Here's to hoping that you didn't take the Smarmster up on his suggestion and that you've left writing. The world needs more pudding addicts and less smarmy bastards.
Smarmy_and_Sappeabout 14 years agoWere you high on crack when you wrote this, Freddy? Did you actually go back and read what you wrote? Do the world a favor, Freddy, QUIT WRITING, you suck at it!
