All Comments on 'Captain Terdy's First Week: Day 01 AM'

Best of the best images

Nice story! Thanks, HollisChester!

Your sense of satire, however, is what really did it for me! Keep up the great work.

Pity the mans cock looks fake/rubber

And this is not the rule for this category. Even the better texts mostly serve as captions for porn pictures. Here we have an interesting protagonist and an interesting story.

Well, you could have reduced the number of puns for the characters' names.

I've now read this series and there are some really great ideas, a huge sense of fun and some of the best and horniest illustrations I've seen on Lit. It's such a shame that the author didn't get someone to edit it before publishing, because it would have been so much better.

Every time a sex scene starts, the author seems to become breathless. And we find. Lots of completely disjoint clauses. That pretend to be sentences. But don't flow. And often don't make. Sense.

I also found the 'conceit' of Casanova's VR device rather confusing. I know you're not supposed to know what's real and what's VR for most of the story, but if that's the case, the thoughts of the potentially-virtual characters shouldn't be voiced; it should all be as viewed either by Casanova or by an impersonal, external observer. As soon as you say what they're thinking or feeling, the characters become 'real', and any attempt at keeping the reader guessing about whether they're real or virtual is then pointless and confusing.

The punctuation and use of euphemisms is also sometimes unintentionally hilarious. My favorites include "the intense toe curling stimulation of her clit", "her pussy was electric" (amazing - in the 25th Century they have electric pussies!), "watching his shaft slide slowly between her wet flesh" (sounds like a slasher movie to me) and the amazing "What's the essence of fucking Tinfoil?" I really prefer not to fuck anything metal, but as there's a character called Tinfoil - and I do love the silly names - a well-placed comma would have made this more understandable and less risible. (Read it with and without a comma and you'll see that "fucking" can be a noun, a pejorative adjective or a verb participle, depending on punctuation and voice).

So Hollis, PLEASE do keep writing - the VaVas, the Hottening and all that are brilliant ideas and genuinely funny, and the character of Terdy in particular is huge fun - and PLEASE, PLEASE keep doing the stunning and very sexy illustrations, but if you'd like someone to edit your work to make it even better, you know where to find me.

Great to get the feedback. I'll definitely let you know if I get around to writing more.

This is one of the best Sci/Fi - Humor - Illustrate series I've found on Literotica. I wish there was more like it