All Comments on 'Carmen'

This could have been much better. Your sex scenes lacked depth, you need more then just to mention what was happening. Go in depth with them, describe how it feels to Mom to have her 18 y/o son shoving his cock deep into her cunt.

More so when a character is saying something, you should start a new line, and use double quotations " at the beginning and the end. Perhaps if you'd used an editor or atleast had a few people read this before you submitted it, you would have had a much better story.

Hi Carmen.....i liked the story and see it's the only one you have submitted.....how about some more? :)

I liked the story and look forward to another one. Be more descriptive.

This is a very good story line, Carmen, and I agree you need to be more descriptive with the action. More of the feelings that are there of the emotion that is being felt.

The juicy details if you will, how it felt to have that cock sliding in and out.

Tonny

I loved the way you started off this story with a long, detailed description of this mother, her son, and their complex situation together. But, then it seemed to race towards the climax of their sexual relationship like a horny teenage boy.

Perhaps in part 2(?), Carmen could take the time to teach him how to slooooowly make love to a woman... just the way you like it.

After all, you're the writer.

Keep up the Good Work,

A down to earth story, love the fact that the mon dressed up for her son.

Fortysomething I love it, gives me hope with my own fantasies. Love to see more from you and maybe even a picture of you. You have a lucky son! SB

I think my favorite part was after they made love, he laid his head on her breasts and she lit a cigarette in the dark. That was just so sweet and tender.

Thanks,

slimv

splendid!

write more!!!

What a great story - also the Flight Attendant one too - thank goodness there was no anal - I dont know why most of these stories have to include this - it is not the way a Son would treat his Mom or Grandmom - thanks again - Jena121

Reading backwards this is your second best story behind "Black Boots". I agree to the good build-up and the racing end. I understand her being in a whirlwind of actions when they started becoming intimate on each other, a situation where you wouldn't remember much thinking, but yet there are imrpressions about first touches, kisses or penetrations. How it felt and more of what it meant to her. I believe this must be the "eye of the tornado" where the action is blended out and a moment of awareness is dominating, recognizing the taboo taking place. What I enjoyed very much was the 'day after' scene that showed their new day-to-day life. But unfortunatley it lacked all the description, particularly why Carmen offered her butt to her son and what it was to her giving her complete body to her son for raw carnal lust. No inhibitions, no doubts? All that steps on their way to oragasm that would have been worth at least a paragraph were rushed with just a little sentence, a skimpy note to it. Are you afraid of saucy details, of drawing a rich and colorful image of the action?

Very erotic and the story pulled me in to the mother's feelings. She knew that it was wrong to have sex with her son, but was infatuated so much on having her son as a lover that it overwhelmed her. The sweet sex between them is so nice to read, and the author presented such an erotic picture with the writing. Thank You very much for the good story........Rich

the story line was good but the writing lacked the excitement that would have made it a great story.

good story ,agree with last meessage though ,needs to be mayb more subtle or slower.ty anyway

Beautiful story.. Wish i had a mothel like carmen..

IT JUST WENT TO FAST. ONE LOOK AT A BOOK AND SHE GOES OVERBOARD. IT WAS SHE WHO WANTED HIM. ALL IN ALL A GOOD READ. KEEP IN UP. A FAN. LAROC OF AGES

The much better part would materialize with a careful reading after you finish the first couple drafts. Better yet add about another page of details before the suggested reading. You have good characters but they are a bit like cardboard. Ex...I think the mother would do a lot more considering before making her play. She would also warn the son about the taboo aspect before the act. All of the forethought and worry on her part would be very sexy if you showed it to us. I always read my stories aloud to my self, if I can't get anyone else to listen. Then I print them out and proofread again. I think this would have picked up most of the grammer flaws in this story. Of course, like has been suggested by others, a good editor would help, but I think you should try the above before you submit to an editor. Picking up the errors yourself will teach you much more than simply following another's suggestions. After you've done all you can THEN submit to the editor.