Carnal Knowledge Ch. 17-18

"Oh, well, yes, you may." Caroline tilted her head, looking puzzled and vaguely wary.

Taking a fortifying breath, Eliza blurted, "Do you know if I was bleeding between my legs?"

The earl's cousin furrowed her brow. "Do you mean that you are experiencing your monthly flow?"

Eliza sighed in frustration. "No, not that."

Caroline sat up straighter. "You, poor darling. Did that footman...did he...force himself..."

"Thankfully, he did not," Eliza answered softly and glanced away before meeting Miss Stanley's eyes once more.

Caroline's gaze fell down to where Eliza's hands were crossed protectively over her stomach, and her eyes widened. "There was no bleeding there, only from your collection of cuts and gashes," she said gravely then frowned uncertainly. "Shall I send for the doctor to return?"

Eliza shook her head. "It is early days yet. My knowledge is limited but I do not think there is much to be done. I did feel some pain earlier, but not now, so I hope..."

The door opened and Rockdale was there in the room, filling it with his large presence. His expression was both dark and cold; he seemed almost a stranger looming over her. She struggled not to shrink back from his intense regard.

"Leave us," he said brusquely to his cousin.

"William, don't be daft..." Caroline hissed.

"Get. Out. Now," he growled in a low tone. "Thank you for helping me tonight, Caro. I will not forget it. But I must speak with Miss Lockhart alone now."

"Do not upset her," Caroline warned, getting to her feet. With one last uneasy glance back at Eliza, she left the room and closed the door behind herself.

Rockdale collapsed into the chair his cousin had vacated. He ran his hands through his already rumpled hair and took a shaky breath. "The doctor tells me you are generally unharmed apart for several bruises, cuts, and a quite large knot on your temple." He gestured toward her, his face contorted. "We were just in this bed together, Eliza. How did you end up being taken by that man? I need you to explain to me what the hell happened tonight because I simply cannot wrap my mind around it."

Eliza let her head fall back on the pillow, willing the tears to stay at bay. He seemed so angry; couldn't he see that none of this was her doing? She wanted desperately to close her eyes and simply find an escape from this turmoil. If only he would hold her in his arms and comfort her... instead of interrogating her like she was some errant servant. But really, she thought wretchedly, wasn't that all she was? His servant who was special only in that she spread her legs for the lord of the house.

"I was hungry," she whispered at last, avoiding his glowering stare. "I went downstairs and accidentally interrupted George and Mrs. Biddleton stealing your silver. He—he hit me and took me along with them as they fled." Her eyes squeezed closed as she recounted the rest of the night's tale in a wooden voice.

"T-thank you for coming after me," she concluded, a tear escaping to trickle down her cheek.

A muscle ticked in his jaw. "I'm going to find him, make no mistake. That bastard is going to regret the day that his father even thought to stick his cock into the bitch's cunt that conceived him."

Eliza flinched at his crude words and bowed her head.

"Isabelle's parents are in Sussex, and they have been begging me for an age to have some time with the children. I've decided in the morning that I will send Nicholas and Anna away for at a fortnight or two. I will not chance having them here if the house is not secure from unwanted intrusions."

Her mind reeling, Eliza nodded dumbly.

"You will return in the morning to London to stay in the house with Mr. and Mrs. Crawley until I say otherwise."

"I beg your pardon?" She blinked at him in disbelief.

"It is not safe here, Eliza," he said, his tone flat. "I will not rest until George has been apprehended, and I have decided this is the best course of action."

"The best course of action..." she parroted and shook her head. "But I would rather stay..."

He leaned forward and glared at her. "Listen to me well, Eliza. I will not argue with you or indulge your foolish whims as I have in past. You will go to London in the morning if I have to tie you hand and foot and load in the carriage myself. Do you understand me?"

Numb, she nodded, even though she wanted to shout and rail at him for his boorish behavior. Another tear rolled down her cheek, and she angrily brushed it away. Turning her head away, she closed her eyes and ignored him, ready for Rockdale to just leave her alone.

"I hope it goes without saying that you shall not step even a foot outside the house without Mr. Crawley."

With that gruff pronouncement, he simply rose and left.

There comes a point when even a strong-willed female reaches her limit of endurance. Eliza let the tears finally overtake her, and she sobbed into her pillow until a gentle hand brushed over her hair.

"Shhh," Miss Stanley said gently. "He is upset and acting like a giant arse. Idiot man."

The kind tone only made her cry harder. She snuffled in misery as a cool cloth wiped over her face.

"There now, everything will be all right. Sit up and let me pour you some of this tea I brought with me."

Eliza opened her eyes to see not only Caroline by her bedside but also John Willoughby. Tears welled anew at the concerned look etched on his handsome face.

Without a word, he perched on the side of her bed and drew Eliza into his arms, rocking her gently as she cried the last of her tears. Even in her miserable state, Eliza was aware Caroline had gone very still and stiff at John's unexpected embrace. Knowing the other girl was undoubtedly appalled at this inappropriate behavior, Eliza tried to pull back, but John held her firmly.

"Please, Eliza, won't you reconsider my offer?" he murmured. "It pains me to see you treated so coarsely. You deserve so much more. So much better. I would make it my life's work for you to never shed another tear in heartache."

Caroline's breath audibly hitched, and she turned away from them to face a tea tray.

Despising her own weakness, Eliza laid her head on his comforting shoulder. "I-I will consider it," she whispered back brokenly.

He brushed her hair back from her cheeks and slowly released her from his arms. "Excellent," he said with a small smile. "I will not press you, my dear, so take your time."

Eliza nodded and allowed Miss Stanley to place a warm cup of tea into her hands. She glanced up, aware of some strange undercurrent between Caroline and John, who were carefully not looking at one another.

After a few sips, Eliza set the cup on the table nearby and slid down once more into the bed covers. "Thank you both for your kindness. I appreciate it so very much. But I am so tired. I think I will go right off the sleep now." She closed her eyes, ready to be alone in her self-pity.

Once they finally left, Eliza painfully forced herself to climb out from the bed and sit at the small writing desk beside the window. Taking out pen, ink, and paper, she took a deep breath and began to write.

***

As the two of them exited Eliza's room, John found himself staring at Caroline. She turned back to find him watching.

She lifted her chin and walked closer to him. "Why are you looking at me that way?"

John cleared his throat. "You handled things very well tonight, Miss Stanley."

A hint of rosy color tinted her cheeks, though her gaze toward him was disturbing direct.

John uncomfortably remembered his disheveled and coatless state of appearance. He lifted a hand to smooth over his hair but forced it back to his side. Miss Stanley was suddenly much too close for his peace of mind as she answered softly, "Thank you, Mr. Willoughby. You are very kind."

She glanced down at the floor for a moment before speaking again. "I could not help but overhear your conversation with Miss Lockhart.

He fought the flush of red that wanted to creep into his cheeks. "Yes, well, nothing has been decided for sure between us."

"I see," she murmured. Her teeth nibbled at her plump bottom lip, and he tried to steer his errant thoughts away from their highly inappropriate interlude from the night before. "One would think you had been a lady of the house for years," he forced himself to say in hopes of changing the subject.

Her small smile seemed to bloom across her face with a secretive glimmer that caused him to falter as she shifted another step closer.

"With a good teacher, I'm a quick study at all sorts of things," she answered gravely.

His heart thumped hard when her eyes drifted down to his mouth.

"I bid you a good night. What there is left of it," Caroline said and took her leave of him, leaving John wondering if he had imagined the devilish glint in her eye.

***

The morning brought a flurry of activity as an excited Nicholas and nervous Anna departed to visit their rarely seen grandparents in Sussex, while Eliza was to travel with Miss Stanley and John Willoughby to London.

Mr. Willoughby apparently had left his position as Rockdale's secretary and offered himself as escort to both ladies. Though they would travel in Lord Pelham's carriage that Caroline had arrived in, she had assured Rockdale her father would not mind for Mr. Willoughby to escort Eliza to her destination at the small townhouse before returning the carriage.

Eliza knew John hoped she would decide to stay with him instead. He had pulled her aside at breakfast to say he would do his best to arrange a special license so that they could marry immediately.

Merely the thought of it had her running to lose her breakfast. She couldn't marry John carrying another man's child, she simply couldn't. Could she? Would he know? Of course, he would. Would he care? That she couldn't say, but she had an inkling he would marry her anyway.

Tearfully, she had knelt and embraced Nicholas and Anna, knowing her time with them had come to an end.

"Why aren't you coming with us?" Nicholas said, his expression troubled when she finally rose to her feet.

"You won't need lessons at your grandparents," she replied lightly and tugged on the brim of his hat.

"But, you'll be here when we return, right, Miss Lockhart?" Anna asked.

Both children pinned her with a look that begged for reassurance.

Thankfully, Nanny Goodson saved her from an awkward reply when she descended to herd her charges toward the waiting carriage.

Sore and wretched in mind, body, and spirit, Eliza stood by as her belongings were stowed away. Firming her resolve, she turned toward the vehicle that would carry her away from Verity Hall. She swore she could feel Rockdale's burning gaze on her back.

The bloody, hateful man had not even bid her goodbye. Lifting her chin, she climbed the steps of the carriage, determined to not look back. The carriage jolted forward into motion, and Eliza knew she would not return to this place ever again.

***

As the carriage traveled onward, Eliza stared sightlessly out the window at the overcast sky, while Caroline did much the same. Rockdale's cousin seemed as lost in troubled thought as Eliza felt herself to be. Mr. Willoughby rode outside with the Lord Pelham's carriage driver.

"You must think the worst of me for considering Mr. Willoughby's offer," Eliza said suddenly.

Caroline's head swiveled around, and her eyes narrowed a fraction. "It truly is none of my affair, Miss Lockhart. But, I can understand why you would consider it. I only ask you to carefully ask yourself what it is you desire. I believe Mr. Willoughby would be...he could be hurt if you lead him to believe you will choose him over becoming Lord Rockdale's mistress while you are..." Her lips pursed slightly. "Enceinte with my cousin's child. He deserves better than that, don't you think?"

Eliza blinked once, then twice. "Yes, I believe John does deserve better than that," she answered mildly. "Which is why..." She reached into her reticule and extracted two envelopes. "I request that you would give the letter marked to Mr. Willoughby to him and send the other back to Verity Hall for Lord Rockdale."

It was Caroline's turn to blink. "I don't understand."

"I am choosing neither of them, Miss Stanley. I intend to return home to Lancashire to be with my family. I know John's sense of honor would never allow me to leave alone, but that is exactly what I intend to do. I am going to slip away once we near London."

Rockdale had thankfully given her back the money he had taken from her, though Eliza knew it would require every coin she had to return home. It would be worth it to get away and lick her wounds. She wasn't altogether sure she was thinking clearly, but the urge to flee wouldn't be ignored.

"I do beg a favor of you, Miss Stanley," Eliza ventured. "When we stop to change the horses for the last time, do you think you can distract John at the carriage long enough for me to get away?"

Caroline nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I'm sure I will think of something."

***

In the end, Caroline mused, the weather aided Miss Lockhart's escape. The rain began to pour down in incessant sheets. The driver halted the carriage long enough for Mr. Willoughby to climb inside.

Looking slightly embarrassed, John dried himself with the carriage's lap blankets, though little could be done for his sopping coat.

"Just slip your coat off and lay it over the seat beside me," Caroline chided him. "The world will not come to an end because you removed your jacket."

He scowled at her, not shifting an inch, and she smiled sweetly in return, inexplicably annoyed that he had chosen to sit on Miss Lockhart's side of the vehicle instead of with her.

They traveled in silence until the carriage at last slowed and rolled to a halt at their last stop before London. Mr. Willoughby hopped back out presumably to aid their lone driver with the horses.

Eliza nodded at Caroline and reached out to lightly touch her gloved hand. "Thank you," the governess murmured, her eyes shining bright with what looked to be unshed tears.

"Be safe," Caroline whispered. "Perhaps you should wait..." she trailed off uncertainly when Eliza shook her head vehemently.

"I really must go now. Thank you and goodbye, Miss Stanley."

Caroline was still staring pensively at the carriage door when it reopened half an hour later to admit Mr. Willoughby. He shook himself, reaching again for the pile of blankets and grimaced.

"Not fit for man or beast out there," he said. Looking around the carriage he asked slowly, "Where on earth is Miss Lockhart? Is she still inside?"

Without answering, Caroline opened the carriage door far enough to rap smartly on the roof with the handle of her parasol. The carriage immediately jerked into motion.

Mr. Willoughby's mouth fell open almost comically. "What the hell are you doing? Eliza is still inside!"

"She isn't going to marry you," she informed him with the slightest hint of smug satisfaction. "She told me so."

John paused, his hand on the carriage door. "Regardless of the fact, I will not leave her here."

"Miss Lockhart has already gone. She had another carriage already waiting to take her elsewhere," Caroline lied without flinching. "I saw her leave with my own eyes."

"That's— You're—" John stumbled and stuttered in obvious shock.

"She left a letter for you," Caroline added with a sniff, tossing it over into his lap.

He ripped the envelope open and read the letter quickly. It crumpled in his fist as he turned toward the water-beaded window.

"Why did you kiss me like that if you had already offered for her hand?" Caroline demanded, anger suddenly raising its ugly head inside her.

"I kissed you because you asked me to," he reminded her tightly. "And apparently because I'm a damn fool."

She hissed in a breath. "You kissed me like you meant it! With passion! Not like you had feelings for another woman!"

Caroline bit her lip as his head swiveled around, and he pinned her with an unpleasant look. She hadn't really meant to blurt all that out to him.

"You know nothing of feelings," John growled. "You're only a young, silly girl with a fat dowry playing at kissing men while you should be acting like a proper, dignified lady!"

"You shouldn't be ripping my night clothes open to ogle my naked breasts if you wanted to marry HER!"

"When breasts are freely offered, men look!" he shouted back. "And what does it matter, you want to marry that stupid idiot, Lord Whatshisname!"

She hopped over to the seat beside him so she could poke him hard in the chest with her parasol, still clutched in her hand. "It does matter because when you kiss a girl with passion, you should mean it!"

"I did mean it, you maddening creature!"

And before she could suck in another breath to rant at him in reply, his mouth was on hers, hot and open-mouthed. Steam or something like it immediately fogged her brain as his tongue pushed between her lips, boldly invading.

An intelligible moan slipped from one of them when his hand slid down the small of her back and jerked her closer. His other hand untied the strings of her bonnet and shoved it off her head.

"Goddamn it," he muttered finally against her mouth.

"You started it this time," she whispered with asperity.

"Shut up," he growled and began kissing her again then abruptly pulled away. "We cannot do this."

Caroline swallowed hard. "May I tell you something?"

His eyes never left hers as he finally jerkily nodded.

"I wish that I hadn't stopped you last night when you touched my breast," she murmured, raising her hands to untie and push off her pelisse before moving to the small buttons of her bodice.

Slowly, her fingers released the first two buttons, and his gaze snapped down to the patch of skin she had revealed.

"No," John said, through what sounded like gritted teeth. "I shouldn't have done that, and you—"

She opened more buttons until her bodice gaped open.

He glared at her chest. "You button that back up!"

Caroline tugged her gloves off without responding. He flinched when she reached out and tugged his gloves off as well, one at a time.

"I want you to touch me, John," she pleaded in a low voice and raised the hand she still clasped to her bosom.

His intense regard lifted to her eyes then back down to her chest.

"Goddammit," he muttered again, this time with resignation.

His hand slid inside her opened bodice and into her corset. She made a small sound as the heat of his palm glided over the curve of her breast, exploring its shape.

Her gasp when his thumb grazed over her hardened nipple seemed to push him over some inward barrier. John shoved her bodice the rest of the way open with both hands and tugged down her corset until her breasts were fully exposed.

And then, he leaned close. So close, she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. Her lungs forgot how to breathe properly when he pressed his open mouth in the valley of her breasts. His tongue made a lazy trail around one plump swell and ended at her peaked nipple.

Her eyes rolled back at the sound he made when his lips closed over one aching tip. Her back arched, her hand knocking his hat to the carriage floor, sliding into his hair as he suckled at her breast.

She glanced down and found herself riveted by the sight of her glistening nipple popping out of his mouth before he transferred his attention to her other breast. His tongue made slow circles, licking around her nipple before sucking it between his lips.

His mouth worked magic as he alternately kissed her mouth, her neck, and her breasts.

"John," she panted. "Please."

"Poor darling," he whispered into her ear. "What is it you want, hmm?"

Before she could even formulate a reply with his lips nibbling at her earlobe, his hand was under her skirts, sliding up her stocking-covered leg.