All Comments on 'Cassy Ch. 03'

I have to say at first reading each individual segment was sketchy for me, but the "3rd" chapter is bringing things together nicely. Don't be so down on your self during the opening and closing segments. I think your next step is to bring in Mikhail but dont end it abruptly with the next chapter, at least give it to more. Good luck I am looking forward to the next installlment. -Jess

so i had been working on this one for months, leaving it then coming back to it. finally one night i decided it needed to end and thats why everything just happens at the end like that. also at the end i make it sound like i explained what was with Ryan's scars but looking back i realize i did no such thing! ugh. i guess i'll have to put it into the next installment...

SWEETIE ! YOU HAVE A VERY GOOD STORY HERE ! BUT SINCE YOU DIDN'T STAY WITH JUST TELLING CASSY'S STORY AND BRANCHED OUT INTO OTHER MEMBERS OF CASSY'S FAMILY (WHICH DEFINITATELY (DANG IT! HOW DO YOU SPELL THIS @#%& WORD!!!! DANG SPELL CHECKER !!!!) THREW ME FOR A LOOP OR I WOULDN'T HAVE WROTE WHAT I DID FOR THE FIRST CHAPTER, SORRY ! IF YOU ARE THINKING OF ENDING IT, DON'T !!!!!! YOUR STORY IS TOO GOOD ! OKAY ! I'M GOING TO HELP YOU. TO START YOU NEED TO EITHER GO IN DEPTH ON RYAN'S LIFE STORY AS IT GOES IN CONJUNCTION WITH HIS MATES PARENTS AND WHAT THEIR CONNECTION IS IN THE PAST IN ONE LONG CHAPTER OR YOU NEED TEASE YOUR READERS IN EACH CHAPTER WITH HINTS OF WHAT THEIR HISTORY IS TOGETHER. NEXT YOU ALREADY HAVE THE LEAD OFF FOR YOUR NEXT CHAPTERS. WHEN LOKI'S DAD SAID THEY NEED TO PLAN THEIR NEXT MOVE. ( HERE'S WHERE THE FUN BEGINS AND OH ! THE SPIN-OFFS, LOL !, FOR OTHER BOOKS ! ) LET'S MAKE SOME PHONE CALLS AND RALLY THE CLAN. THE CLAN CAN BE ANYTHING FROM LONG LOST COUSINS. THAT BROKE FROM THE MAIN BRANCH OF THE PACK OR PLANTED SPY'S THAT HAD TO STAY DEEP UNDERCOVER TO MONITOR MATHIAS, ETC. OR YOU COULD GO THE ROUTE OF MY ENEMY IS YOUR ENEMY THING AND CALL IN A FEW FAVORS, ETC. HERE'S ANOTHER ONE. SPECIALIZED BODY GUARDS THAT THE PARENTS HAD WORK FOR THEM IN THE PAST. OR YOU COULD GO WITH THEM RETIRED FROM A SECRET ORGANIZATION THEY WORKED FOR AND HAVE THE PARENTS SEND UP THE BAT SIGNAL OR SECRET CODE OR SOMETHING TO CALL IN THE CALVARY OF THEIR OLD TEAM MATES. SO YOU SEE THAT THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO GO WITH THE REST OF YOUR STORY. I HOPE THIS HELPED IN ANY WAY AND DON'T GIVE UP WRITING, OKAY ! I ALREADY SEE SO MUCH POTENTIAL IN YOUR WRITING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK !!!!